The Red vs. Blue-niverse has produced some pretty interesting bunch of idiots who could probably make a million bucks just standing around in the middle of a box canyon. And out of all the idiots, we’re tackling the strongest one there, a one Michael J. Caboose.

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  • Rank: Captain.
  • Team(s): Blue Team, New Republic.
  • Weapon of choice: Assault Rifle.
  • Armor: Mark V Battle Armor W/ Mark IV helmet.
  • Understands Wing-Dings?
  • Democrat?

Caboose was originally stationed near the moon, working to help astronauts fill their suits with oxygen, but after failing to understand how breathing in space worked, he was transferred to Project Freelancer, where a glitch in the computers caused him to be sent to Blood Gulch in place of Agent California. . After the death of Captain Flowers (AKA: Agent Florida), he was transferred to Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. It was there that he met Tucker and Church. The latter of which he team-killed.


After gaining the name of ‘team-killing fucktard’, he went on to attack the reds to get the flag back. But, Sarge had somehow gotten in touch with command, and managed to destroy the tank. This caused Agent Texas to show up to retrieve the flag, and repair the tank. And since Tex’s innate habit of failing at her objective at every time (To the point where putting her in a fight is basically setting her up to lose), she also ended up getting blown up. This caused her A.I to transfer to Caboose.

A couple of shenanigans later, and Caboose had the A.I forcibly ejected from his mind. However, this caused his intelligence to drop immensely, and rendered him a few furniture pieces short of an apartment. But this allowed him to access a powerful strength that was essentially compensation for his drop in IQ.

But despite this, Caboose has some pretty interesting stats to back him up.

  • Immense Strength.
  • Immense Durability.
  • Assault Rifle.
    • Has an A.I targeting system named Freckles.
  • Tank Driving.
  • Fourth wall awareness?

Caboose is a powerful fighter, and an overall deadly foe to face. He’s also a deadly ally to have fighting alongside you. But thankfully, his team-killing has been cut down considerably since Dr. Grey installed his Primary Storage Unit into Caboose’s rifle. Thanks to this, Freckles can target invisible foes, perform thermal scans of different areas, and translate Caboose-eese to english and vice-versa.

  • Defeated several Blue and Red Zealots.
  • Took down several Tex-Drones.
  • Lifted a bomb that Tex could not lift.
  • Did something right for Andersmith to be loyal to him.
  • Is a ‘true warrior’
  • Highest kill count of named soldiers.

Caboose’s durability and strength are virtually unparalleled by anyone else. He managed to survive several injuries that would be considered fatal, or cause any normal person to pass out. Even after losing about a gallon of blood, he was only winded. He can take a sniper shot to the head and only reply with ‘ow’, and managed to survive being at ten times normal gravity.

Oh, and he can drink gasoline and NOT die of poison.

For those of you wondering, a normal human being would be crushed to death under those conditions. But all Caboose asked was the definition of tenfold. He’s also got a natural affinity with A.Is, being able to quickly befriend them. Even if he accidentally kills them, or calls them a slut.

And despite his lack of intelligence, he has his moments of brilliance. Like the time he figured out how to sneak into the Freelancer facility, or when he figured out Church’s time adventures, and the other time when he managed to place epsilon into an alien artifact.

  • Intelligence (Or rather, the lack thereof).
  • Reliance on teammates.
  • Somehow used crayons in his original gun.

But Caboose isn’t invincible. Meta managed to knock him out and gravely injure him. Caboose is also a little bit arrogant. But, his lack of intelligence can be linked to having several A.Is forcibly ejected from his head at once.

But regardless, Caboose is a powerhouse. And despite his weaknesses, he has proven that he is a powerful ally to have.



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You had to see this coming. Mostly because both are eccentric, and are fans of dogs. Plus, the thought of a school professor fighting Caboose is just funny to me.

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Brute vs. Brute. Slashing weapon vs. Gun. Robotic companion vs. Hulk-speak companion. Should be an interesting fight to behold. ESPECIALLY since both fighters have insane durability.

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And it’s about at this point, you realize that I’ve run out of ideas. Both are lethal klutzes… That’s about all I got for them. Plus, it’s either Jar Jar, or it’s… Yeah, I got nothing. See what I mean?