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    • 4 horrible Moms in fiction

      4 years ago


      Moms are great. They birth us, take care of us and deal with our shit and we love them for it. That's why you don't insult someones mom... unless you are some 12 year old kid, then you do it all the time and I laugh at you for it. But then there are these not so stellar moms in fiction. Sure, maybe they love their children, but their actions were just... horrible. So let me introduce you to the family.

      Malory Archer

      Talk about bad parenting. Malory Archer fails at everything mom related. One of the running gags of the show is, that she doesn't even know who Sterlings father is, because there are so many possible candidates. But that's the least of her wrong doings. She was constantly absent during Sterlings youth, is the sole reason for every character flaw he developed and has a habit for teaching him harsh lessons. Like when he gifted him a bike and then stole it to teach him about looking after his stuff. Worst part: She never admitted it was her until years later when she did the same thing with a car. Sterling never got the bike or the car back, because she sold both.

      But at the end of the day, she still loves her son, even if she is egotistical and demanding. And for some weird reason Sterling loves her too, even though it cheers him up when he caused her suffering. Also she was meant to be a horrible mom, that's the main joke with her. The other candidates, they weren't meant to be this horrible, but when you think about it, they are. And what better example than...


      Your Mom (Pokemon Gold/Silver)

      This was probably the most annoying thing about Gold and Silver. Your fucking mom. She starts off well meaning, letting you embark on an adventure to collect all the pokemans and stuff. That's nice. But then she shows her dark side. You see, she offers to save some of the money you earned from fighting so that you will have some left in case you run out. That's nice of her, right? WRONG!

      As if the constant calls from stupid trainers about how their pathetic little Ratatta almost not sucked at anything weren't annoying enough, your mom calls to inform you about her latest trip to the Pokemart. There she found the "perfect" item for you and bought it. WITH YOUR MONEY! That's right, she used your savings to buy you something from the pokemart. And while she may get her hands on some items you wouldn't normally be able to buy yourself (maybe she slept with the owner), most of the time she buys useless crap. Gee thanks mom, that potion, which heals 20Hp will be quite useful when my lvl 50 Golem is low on health.

      I don't know about you, but if my mom would use my money to buy me something I don't need, I'd be pretty pissed. So if any of you never played Gold/Silver, for the love of Arceus, do not give this woman any money! This is why dad left her!


      Misty Fey

      I love the Ace Attorney Series. Sure, the stories are a bit ridiculous, but they are fun and intriguing. But there is one storyline that started in AA1 and ended in AA3 that was a display of being a bad mother, the more I think about it. It's the story of Misty Fey and how she abandoned her children because she was ashamed of herself. And it's all because of Edgeworths Father not wanting to admit, that he couldn't help. Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

      It all started with the legendary DL-6 Incident, which saw the death of Gregory Edgeworth and caused Miles to become a Prosecutor rather than a defense attorney. He was stuck in an elevator with his son and a court bailiff named Yanni Yogi. Due to lack of oxygen (how ever the fuck that happened) all 3 passed out and when they were rescued, Gregory was dead, shot in the heart. Nobody knew what happened.

      So the police tried something new and asked Misty Fey to channel the spirit of Gregory Edgeworth so that they could ask him, who the killer was. And for some reason Gregory couldn't admit that he had no idea aswell, since he passed out, he simply claimed that it was Yanni Yogi who shot him. Yogi was aquitted and declared not guilty. Conclusion: Misty Fey is a fraud. She couldn't live with the shame and decided to ABANDON HER CHILDREN and start a new life as a childrens book author.

      Only years later does she meet her youngest daughter, Maya, again. And ends up getting murdered. Sure it happened, because she tried to protect Maya, but the fact remains that she just ABANDONED HER CHILDREN because she was ashamed to be called a fraud by the police. Maya doesn't even find out that she just met her mom AFTER she died.

      I'm sorry, but that's how I feel about this. She left her children behind because some asshat dead person was too proud to admit, that he doesn't know who killed him. To me, that's not a sign of being a good mother. Sure Mia was old enough to care for herself, but Maya wasn't. They both believed her to be dead for years. As bad as this is, my last entry for this list takes the cake when it comes to abandoning her children. Prepare


      Padme Amidala

      What's worse than abandoning your kids out of shame? Well dying after giving birth because the father of your children turned evil. Episode 3 is argueably the best movie from the prequel trilogy. It shows how Anakin turned into Darth Vader and how Palpatine created the Galactic Empire. But it ends with one of the stupidest deaths in movie history.

      All throughout Episode 2 and 3, Anakin had visions of Padme dying, which made him succeptible to the dark side after Palpatine told him that great story about how the dark side can cure death. Little did he know that because of his efforts to safe Padme, his vision did come true. Heartbroken that the love of her life turned into a Sith, she lost all her will to live. Now fun fact, you can actually die from a broken heart. The emotion trauma can cause a shift in how your body works leading to a cardiac arrest, or something along the lines.

      Then again, you die from the shock, not form "losing your will to live", which is the explaination we get as to why she passed away after childbirth. And that's my main gripe with it: She just gave birth to two beautiful twins, but because her husband turned evil, she saw no reason to keep on living. Hello? What about your offspring? Imagine if Obi-Wan told Luke about this, after all, he was there when it happened. "Luke, I was there when your mother died." - "How did she die, Ben?" - "It was after I mutilated your father and left him to die. She lost her will to live because he turned evil and passed away after giving birth." - "Hang on, Ben, are you telling me that I was not reason enough for her to keep on living?" - "Well... now that you mention it... boy, this is awkward."

      I'm sorry, but that's horrible. She didn't give a single shit about her kids. They never had any chance to be a part of her life, because she simply decided that without Anakin by her side, her life was not worth living anymore. It's a good thing Obi Wan never told Luke about this. I mean I don't want to live knowing that my existance made no difference to my mom. I just... I just can't get over this.


      So there you have it. Moms you would not want to have. Agree with me? Gimme a comment. Disagree with me? Gimme a comment. Want to be the mom of my children? Let's not discuss that in the comments, okay? Until then:

      Happy Mothers day

      Stay Safe and Auf Wiedersehen.

    • Goat Simulator Review

      4 years ago


      It's stupid.

    • Need for Speed: Most Wanted U - Review

      5 years ago


      I love the Wii U, but sadly most gamers can't be bothered with it which in turn leads to a very limited Multiplatform support. Which is a shame. But Criterion games is here to show us, how a port is done. Did they succeed?


      The game itself (Short review)


      Since it has already been out on other platforms for quite some time, I'll keep it short with this one.

      Most Wanted U is probably the most puristic approach to the Street Racing genre. The story is simple: You are the new driver in town and aim to be the very best, like noone ever was. Who are you? What do you look like? What do the other drivers look like? Who cares? The game is pretty straightforward. You get your first car and after a quick tutorial about how the game works, you can start racing.

      You select races using the Easydrive menu and either set a route to the starting point or just start the race right where you are. Placing at least third earns you speedpoints and if you place at least second, you'll get an upgrade for your car, which vary from off-road tires, to different Nitrous styles and stronger chassis. Once you earned enough Speed Points you can challenge one of the 10 most wanted drivers.

      Those are straightforward 1 on 1 races, oftentimes accompanied by chasing police cars. Once you've beaten your opponent you then have to take him down by crashing him into the walls to earn his car. Don't worry if you loose them, they will reappear at random during freedrive giving you a second chance to crash.

      Crashing is a major aspect of the game, as different takedown styles earn you additional speedpoints. Once you or your opponent crashed, they will be out of commission for about 5 seconds before rejoining the race, so crashing into opponents give you an advantage. If you get taken down or slam right into a wall, don't panic, most races can still be won. But ideally you keep your crash count down.

      Another way to earn speed points is by jumping through the billboards scattered throughout the city (only those with EA or EA developer logos count), or by triggering a speed camera. You can also find new cars parked everywhere. Personally, I advise you to find the Bugatti Veyron Vitessi as soon as possible. That car is ridiculously good.

      Each car has 5 racing events matching their style. These are not unique to the respective cars and chances are that you will compete in the same race multiple times with other cars. But they are still worth Speedpoints, regardless of your success with other cars. The game wants you to switch cars, since you can't get the required Speedpoints by using only one car (Well theoratically you can by getting into police pursuits all the time, but that just takes way too long).

      Multiplayer is also some good fun. Each match consists of 5 events that range from straight forward races to drifting and jumping contests. Whoever has the most points after 5 events wins the game. The multiplayer is centered around freedrive so you have to drive to the meet up points of every event, which can lead to some waiting times, but if you take too long, you will be teleported to the meet up.

      So overall, Most Wanted U is a very enjoyable Racing game, that offers a nice blend between Arcade and Simulation.


      Port Quality


      Criterion has obviously put a lot of effort into this port. Out of all the console versions, this one is the best looking, since it is based on the PC version and uses higher resolution textures, due to the Wii U having more RAM. The game can stutter from background loading at times, but that rarely happened.

      The developers also found a good way to integrate the Wii U Gamepad. Dubbed "Co-Driver" mode, the touchscreen offers various options during freedrive to either mess around with the game by changing from day to night or by disabling the traffic and disrupting the cops. It's fun to just drive around town with no traffic and see cops spin out thanks to the gamepad. It can also be used to quickly switch cars or just display a map. Police Radio is also heard exclusivly through the Gamepad speakers, unless you turn them off. Pressing the Minus Button switches between Co-Driver controls and off TV play.

      The game also supports many control schemes. You can use the GamePad to drive, you can use the Pro Controller, or Wiimote controls. Wiimote controls include Mario Kart Wii style motioncontrols by twisting the Wiimote, Wiimote and Nunchuck controls or the classic controller pro. You can also use motioncontrols with the Gamepad, though to be honest, both Motion control options probably won't give you any edge. But they work, which leads to a total of 6 different ways to control this game.

      Miiverse integration is another feature. It's pretty basic actually. It compares stats with your friends like what your top speed at speed cameras was and it will post a picture of your Mii on the billboards you already smashed if you jumped the farthest. I think. Problem is, none of my Wii U friends own this game, so I can't tell first hand. The Autolog alerts still encourage me to be the first of my friends to drift a mile with the different cars.Also you need to link your Ninentdo ID with an Origin Account to play online.

      One last thing about the online play. It does feature voice chat and it DOES use the Gamepad mic for it. You don't have to buy a Wii U headset or plug in a phone headset for voice chat. Only problem is, that some people tend to place their gamepad next to their TV, which leads to you having to mute those players. If you plan on using the voice chat online, I advise you to play with the Gamepad and use headphones.




      I really really hope this game sells and the effort Criterion has put into this port really pays off for them. It's that good. The developers have found the right balance between utilizing the Wii U's features and keeping the game intact. Every Wii U exclusive feature is completely optional. You don't want to use Co-Driver mode? Fine, you don't have to use it. But it's still a fun experience to just mess around with it.

      EA and Criterion have created a benchmark for future Wii U Multiplatform ports. No forced gimmicky additions, just new features that compliment and enhance the gameplay experience. I especially liked the Co-Driver options, though Most Wanted is not the perfect game to utilise such a feature. I hope Rockstar takes note, because having a similar feature with GTA would result in a ton of fun.

      And that's why I hope this version sells. It will send the right message to Multiplatform developers. You can make your game work on the Wii U without sacrificing the core mechanics of the game. If you have a Wii U and don't already own the game on any other system, consider a Wii U purchase. The game is just a ton of fun to play.



    • Silent Protagonists and how their lack of a voice can hurt immersion

      5 years ago


      Video games allow a great deal of immersion. Through our player characters we enter new worlds and experience new stories. We are the hero of those worlds and stories. And to help us in being that hero, developers like to utilize a concept know as the "Silent Protagonist". And I do have my problems with that.

      What is a "Silent Protagonist"?

      Well, I gotta start somewhere, right? A Silent Protagonist (SP) is a concept in storytelling, where the hero of the story does not say a word. Not because he cannot speak, he just does not speak. The idea behind it is to have the SP serve as a blank slate where the player can project himself onto and really immerse himself into the world, because he is the hero. 

      Here's the logic behind it: Because the hero doesn't say anything, his words are not predetermined by the writer, thus the writer does not enforce a set personality upon the player, hence the blank slate. The idea is to give the player the freedom to react to situation like he would. If say a grenade explodes behind you and you are like Nick and don't swear. But then the protagonist reacts by saying "Fuck". The SP doesn't force us into this fuck. We are free to say "Jesus" or whatever.

      My problem with it.

      The SP breaks the immersion for me. Or rather: It breaks the story. I cannot take a guy seriously who just refuses to talk to anybody, who just stands there looking at other people. To me identifying with the main protagonist is also an act of empathy. I feel for the hero, I understand the hero. I can see the world through the eyes of the hero. But if the hero just doesn't say anything to shit happening around him, I don't feel like the hero. Because I don't know what to feel.

      Now there are games where a silent protagonist works. Older games unwillingly used that concept because they don't contain any sort of dialog for that matter. Take the original Zelda for example: There is no dialog in that game only monologues. We have the old man giving us hints and telling us to take the sword. Do we need a text box popping up saying "Thanks" or "Got it" or something as Links reaction to that? No.

      Another good example are the Metroid Prime games. Here the concept works because there is no one else here to talk to. There is no need for Samus to talk, so why make her talk. Also, considering her back story and who she is, it makes sense for her to not say anything. She's a hard boiled Bounty Hunter and a hard boiled introvert. She is driven by duty and seeks to destroy the space pirates. And space pirates only listen to one language: Beams and Missiles to the face.

      Silent but deadly

      Silent but deadly: Samus Aran. Her actions speak louder than words

      The other end of the spectrum are games like Modern Warfare. Hear me out before you dismiss this one. Throughout the Modern Warfare series, whenever you take control of a character, that character becomes mute, regardless of how vocal he was before or after. Best example is Soap MacTavish. He is completely mute throughout MW1, but in MW2 he talks, because you're playing Roach. But in the final missions, you take control of Soap again and all of the sudden, he doesn't talk. Why? Price does the same, when you control him in MW1 and at the end of MW3. You'd think he'll have something to say to Yuri or Makarov, but no, he says nothing.

      Yeah I know, that series isn't a prime example of immersive story telling, but there is a story. And this is why this concept breaks the story. It doesn't make sense for the player character to be silent. Shit is blowing up all around you and you are never ever alone. If I am to believe your character is just a grunt doing as he's been told without asking questions, then don't have him talk the minute you're given control of another character. Furthermore even the grunties of the grunts at least reacts with some form of "Roger that" to being given an order.

      Now there are some games that kind of float in a limbo here. Mainly the Half-Life series. Gordon Freeman doesn't talk, but he's left alone most of the time. As I established earlier, if there is nobody to talk to, then I have no problem with my character not talking. But Gordon Freeman does meet other people that don't want to kill him on sight. In fact the game opens with a sequence full of people who don't want to kill him. They even greet you and demand to know why you blew up their food in the microwave. Does Valve expect me to pretend Gordon answers those people using my own words?

      MY DINNER!

      He never does explain, why he blew up the casserole

      It also leads to another problem: the writing. You see, for a silent protagonist to be believable, you have to make sure that none of the dialog in the game comes off as awkward when the hero doesn't reply. Half-Life is quite masterful at this, because there is always a third party involved in the conversation or something happens that diverts the attention away from the conversation. Gordon is never once put in a situation where he has to answer. Just imagine the look on Alyx's face if they were ever stuck in an elevator and she starts asking him things, but he doesn't answer.

      My point is?

      The SP is not a cure all. In order for this concept to work as the supposed blank slate, where the player can project himself onto, you need to give this concept the right environment to work with. Every decision your hero makes have to be physical only, like deciding which button to push. You can't ask your hero which color he likes the most when there is no way for the character to answer that question without using words. 

      However, the SP concept can work really well given the right environment. If there is nobody around to talk to, then you can have a hero who doesn't talk. With no one around to react there is no one to influence or comment on your reactions. You are the protagonist, because you have no one telling you, that you are not. But this all shatters as soon as you are put in a situation where silence would be awkward. 

      You can get a good sense of immersion even without the SP. If you give the players a well developed character that players can relate to and feel empathy for, you can immerse the player in your story. That's why Booker DeWitt wouldn't work as an SP, especially since his story so closely tied to Elizabeth. You feel the bond those two characters develop between each other because of their conversations.

      What should we do?

      So this is for you, dear developers and story tellers: Be aware of what kind of story you want to tell. Ask yourself: Does this story work with an SP? What does it mean to have an SP? The SP does not have limitless potential. It has its place, but is that place your story? What do we gain from having an SP? What do we lose by having an SP? And most importantly: Don't be afraid to define your main character.

      Ultimate form of immersion

      This is what we strive for: 100% sync with the Avatar

      We don't need to be 100% the main character to be 100% immersed into a game. If we understand your main character, we can become part of the main character, we can see the world through the eyes of the main character and guide the hands of the main character. We don't need a main character to be exactly like us, we can identify with a person who isn't like us. Just make sure we like our main character, I mean who can identify with that whiny asshole Tommy from Prey?

      Now I know there are people who claim that the SP is the best way to ensure 100% immersion. If you are one of those, feel free to let me know in the comments as to why. And if you agree with me, let me know as well. 

      Until next time,

      Stay Safe and Auf Wiedersehen

    • PC Gamers and Restricted Weaponry

      5 years ago


      We've all been there. A new CoD, a new Battlefield, you start to get good at it and found a weapon of your liking. Then you join a server, get a kill... and you get banned, because your shiny new gun happens to be banned on the server. 

      But why?

      Well, to give the honest answer: Because whoever pays for the server decided, that it's unfair wielding this weapon. They feel that this gun is too overpowered and makes it easier to rack up kills. You see, PC gaming gives us tools, most console players will never have. We can make and enforce rules onto other players. But let's take a look at some commonly banned weapons, shall we?


      First and foremost, we have the AWP. Why everyone stuck with AWP (Arctic Warfare Police), when it's clearly an AWM (Arctic Warfare Magnum), I don't know. This is THE banned gun. If you've played Counterstrike, chances are, that you got banned for using this baby at least once. It's what PC players like to call a "noob weapon". Some german players translate the acronym as "Anfänger wollen Punkten" (Newbies want to score points) and some english players translate it as "Assholes want points".

      Why is it commonly banned? Well it's pretty obvious. Unless you shoot through a wall or someones foot, this baby is a one hit kill. And since Counterstrike has no Scope sway, it has perfect accuracy. The only downside to this gun is, that it significantly slows you down. But that's a small price to pay for a long range instakill weapon. This gun practically gave birth to weapon ban scripts and later weapon restriction scripts, the latter preventing you from even aquiring the gun.


      Another perfect example of banned weaponry is the M203 grenade launcher attachment from Call of Duty 4. Commonly referred to as the "noob tube", this is also another entry into the "insta kill" category. What the AWP does over range, the noob tube does at mid to short range. What makes it especially "nooby" is the fact, that you don't need to aim properly, due to it's large splash damage. Just shoot at the general direction of your attacker, you are bound to hit something with it.

      Again, pretty obvious, why this is banned. The M203 comes with 2 shells of low skill high output death, which may not sound like much, but is enough to piss off players. Especially when someone decides to use the Overkill perk to carry two assault rifles, each equipped with the M203. Believe, I've seen a serious noob tuber in action doing that. In an attempt to add more skill to the noob tube, Infinity Ward lowered it's damage significantly in Modern Warfare 3, actually rendering the noobtube pretty useless outside of the hardcore modes.

      A cousin of the M203 are the various rocket launchers in the CoD franchise. Similar principle, high splash damage. Most servers only allow you to shoot rockets at killstreak rewards, because let's face it: Rockets hurt, when showed up your nose.


      Banning those two weapons, I kinda get. After all, it doesn't involve much skill to kill with those guns. But do PC gamers stop there? The answer is no.

      You see, the reason why I'm writing this is, because it seems like banning weapons is getting out of hand, at least on some servers. Some weapon and/or perk bans are just ridiculous and stupid. Yes, I get that you don't like walking into claymore (or gaymore) mines. But there is a perk, that highlight claymores and C4. If don't want suprises, use the perk. Oh I'm sorry, you need that perk slot for something else? Well tough luck.

      Another CoD contestant is the balistic knife. Another common ban is for kniving someone with the balistic knife, because you get sped up melee with it. But is this really that bad? No, it isn't. Yes, I understand that some players perfected the use of the balistic melee and are constantly killing you with it. It's annoying, but man the fuck up and learn from it. Avoid tight spaces, where the knifer could lurk or just play hardcore. Balistic melee is much harder on hardcore, because most of the time, you don't survive running directly at your opponent. I've even seen a server, that even bans shooting the blades. Hitting someone with that is not as easy, as it looks.


      Now can someone explain to me, why the FAMAS or the HK21 are so overpowered? The FAMAS is a solid assault rifle, but I don't believe it's that much more powerful than the other rifles. And what makes the HK21 so dangerous? Is it even that noobish? I don't really buy it. Transitioning over to Battlefield 3, why do some servers ban the M16A3? I never knew this gun was so OP, you had to ban people for using it. And isn't that gun the first and only gun the US Assault class has at first? Why am I using the M416 then?


      Perks are also not safe from bans. We all like us some last stand, don't we? That's why it's banned most of the time. Maybe I just suck at it, but 9 times out of 10, I still die when using last stand. Martyrdom I kinda get, but it's only really a problem, when it's up close and personal. Most of my Martyrdom grenades ended up killing noone. Still, using them as Death Streaks in MW3 was a nice move. If you die long enough to earn this perk, I see no point in bitching about you using it.

      Many CoD Players are also allergic to people with no footsteps. Dead Silence / Ninja is another commonly banned perk, though CoD4 has more servers where this perk is banned. This perk simply eliminates your footsteps. noone will hear you coming. Now maybe I just suck at CoD, but I rarly avoid getting killed, because I heard the footsteps. Even withouth Dead Silence, I still get backstabbed some times. Besides: especially on Nuketown, enemy footsteps drown in the constant shooting.


      Wow, this has gone into a bit of ranting on my part, but that's what this is all about. I implore the whole PC community to just man the fuck up. Sure, there are some weapons that have an edge over others. Like I said, there is nothing glorious about getting a noob tube kill. But in all honestly, I rarely see excessive noobtubers winning a Free For All match. I get it, it's annoying when you die like that but, tough like, outsmart him.

      As for those who ban "normal" weapons. Grow a pair. Maybe it's a bit easier to shoot someone with the FAMAS, but I prefer the AUG. I understand that balancing weapons is a delicate matter, especially when you use existing weapons. You can't have your M4 dealing more bullet damage than your AK47. But even if there are some weapons that a better, at least I feel, that they only give a you slight edge over the others. Nothing you can't compensate with skill.


      Long story short: Stop banning weapons, because some got really good with them!

    • A list of games I consider to be very meh

      5 years ago


      The internet agrees: Bioshock Infinite is one of the best games ever while Aliens: Colonial Marines is the exact opposite. The internet just loves extremes, but there is a vast ocean of games, that are just stuck in the middle. Here are some of those games I played, that ended up right in the middle of "nothing special". And that's why this isn't a rated list, because how do you measure the level of mediocre?


      Splinter Cell 3D

      I liked the original Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. A superb stealth game that is still playable today. So when I heard that a 3DS remake will be a launch title, I had to buy it. And I did. Yeah...

      Why is it so meh?

      Turns out, this version is a very scaled down Chaos Theory. Levels are shortened and split into multiple parts. There is no distinction between night and heatvision googles, they are one and the same thing dubbed the "Fusion Goggles". The controls suffer the most due to the lack of a second analoge stick for camera. To aim and move the camera, you have to use the ABXY buttons. It... works. Everything else is either mapped to the D-Pad or the Touchscreen.

      Yeah... what can I say about it? Fundamentally it still is Chaos Theory, one of the finest stealth games ever. But it's a very condensed version. They also removed the rating system, which basically removes any incentive to not just kill everyone. The mechanics still work and it is a good stealth game. But nothing more. And it's single player only. The 3D is glitchy as fuck though.


      Alan Wake

      I wasn't quite sure if this game belongs on this list, but when I think about it... yeah, it was rather mediocre. Alan Wake is a psychological Horror game with supernatural elements. Gameplay is divided into two sections: Day and Night. During daytime you basically just figure out, what is real and what isn't. Nighttime makes up the majority of the game. You fight shadowy figures by shining a flashlight at them and them shooting them in the face.

      Why is it so meh?

      It starts off pretty good actually. The story seems intresting and the mechanics are something you don't see very often. But it quickly turns into a bore. The supernatural elements are rather silly in execution. A writer writing a horror story that comes true? Scary thought but plays out rather silly. Especially when you pick up pages of the manuscript Alan has no memory of writing which depict events that are about to happen. I mean... he soon figures out, that those pages are telling the future, why doesn't he use that knowledge?

      It also doesn't help that the night sections almost exclusively take place in the woods, so everything looks the same. And the game just drags on and on and on. It rarely felt like I was actually going places, more like the game was wasting my time. And what the fuck kind of an ending was that? It just... ends... 


      Serious Sam: Next Encounter

      The first Console-only spinnoff of the Series Sam Serious, I mean Serious Sam Series. I loved first and second encounter and when I heard about next encounter and that it won't cost that much, I had to buy it. Which I did. Well...

      Why is it so meh?

      It's allright... I mean, it's a Serious Sam game. It just lacks the polish that the original two games had. It's fun to blast your way through hordes of enemies, but it felt rather uninspired at times. First and Second Encounter had some really cool locations and boss fights (Ugh-Zan the 3rd is just awesome) and sweet music to keep you going. Next Encounter just doesn't have that. And the jokes aren't as funny, but still funny enough to make you crack a smile. And the vehicle controls are GODAWFUL!


      Iggys Reckin' Balls

      It's a racing game. A racing game / platformer hybrid where balls climb towers and stuff. Insert innuendos here. And it was done by Acclaim. For the N64. And it's in the VideoGameVault.

      Why is it so meh?

      The concept is silly, but it somehow works. But where this game definately falls flat is the level design. The first few worlds are okay tracks but starting at about world 4, the races just drag on forever. I mean, we are talking Mario Kart 64 Rainbow Road long at least with half the fun tops. This completely destroys the essence of the game, because deep down, it wants to be Mario Kart with balls. And Mario Kart is all about dicking each other with power ups and stuff. The power ups are not that special and even the homing projectiles don't matter when the next racer is 1 minute ahead of you on a 10 minute track. It also doesn't matter which reckin ball you choose, they all have the same stats.


      Diablo III

      Oh my, what am I getting myself into. I never played Diablo 1 or 2 and I got D3 for free, because I agreed to not cancel my WoW subscription for 1 year. This game was hyped up the ass everywhere and yes, Error 37. Never actually encountered that one, even though I played it day 1. Guess beeing european isn't so bad after all, right?

      Why is it so meh?

      It's repetitive as FUCK. Go to places, click on enemies till enemies drop dead. Go to other place, rinse and repeat. Maybe it's because I don't know the Diablo lore, but I just didn't care about the story. At one point the game even pulled the most obvious "Deus Ex Machina" Plot conviencie out of its ass! I'm currently somewhere in the 2nd act and I just couldn't get myself to continue playing. The gameplay is solid, the graphic are suprisingly lacking and the fights are nothing special. I'm sorry Diablo fans, but this game just didn't blow me away, nor did it really blow. It's just... meh.


      Dungeon Siege

      It's a Diablo clone.

      Why is it so meh?

      Imagine Diablo 3 just with you not really having to do much in battle. In this game you just click on enemies once and occasionally hit the quick potion button. It's a slightly interactive screensaver that I just couldn't bother finishing.

      Turok 3: Shadows of Obilivion

      The Turok series is one of the best Console FPS series to ever grace us.... well Turok 1 and 2 that is.


      Why is it so meh?


      Turok 1 and 2 are more or less semi linear games. There is no set order to the levels, you just have to finish them all to unlock the final battle. Turok 2 is a shining example of this, combining fun gameplay with intresting levels. Turok 3 on the other hand is as linear as it gets. There just is nothing really to explore here. Everything goes down a set path and for some reason it's much more story driven, than the previous games. And the story is boring. And the cutscenes are boring. And the weapons are boring. Heck this game manages to make a mind controlling cerebral bore boring to use (It's a real bore *badumtish*). And glitchy. If you suicide the enemy you control, you die aswell.

      I just can't really lay my finger on it, but it's just not as fun and engaging as the first two games. And it's the perfect game to end this list, because I've never experienced mediocrity quite like this game. It wasn't very exciting to play, but it didn't bore me enough to stop playing. But when I interrupted my session due to dinner ready or something, I wasn't really compelled to continue playing. It's just stuck in a Limbo. Too exciting to just stop playing, but also too boring to continue playing. If that makes any sense.



      and that concludes my little list on mediocre games. But I'd like to hear your stories about mediocre games that you played and what did your thoughts about the games I listed are.


      Until then,

      Stay safe and Auf Wiedersehen.

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