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    • Top 10 Pokemon We Hate With A Passion

      5 years ago



      Welcome back every one to another wonderful-ish installment of Pokemon Talk! Last time we discussed some of the super cool things we should see in Gen VI, but now we’re back to our scheduled programming. We don’t love everything about Pokemon.

      So after what seems like forever (a month), we decided to go back to the list we had planned before that whole Generation VI nonsense was announced. With every Pokemon we love in the rich history of the series, there are always going to be a significant handful that we cannot stand to the point where even catching it for completionist sakes isn’t worth it.

      So we got to thinking, we might as well try to agree on ten Pokemon we just can’t stand. Either it’s one sucky little Pokemon or some really OP Pokemon that just looks like a loser. Whatever it is, we tried to be fair, so we attempted to obey the following rules:

      1. We are covering the aspects of both design and usage in the meta game. Whether it may look so ugly its existence defiles our very being, or they have a setup used in the competitive scene that just makes you cringe are what we’re looking for. (That Spore Breloom makes CoolGuy jealous of my skills)

      2. Just because it’s powerful, does not automatically mean we hate it. Garchomp may be the most overpowered Dragon known to man, but when it comes down to it, his design is too cool to ignore. The same goes for really bad, but awesome as fuck Pokemon, like Delibird.

      3. To make sure one generation isn’t overly favoured over another. We are setting a limit of only (2-3) per generation. Alternatively, there has to be at least one Pokemon per Generation, so we can hate on everything equally. Of course, the honourable mentions in this case would be moot, as they are more so our personal opinions on what should be on this list.

      4. And please, this is our list of Pokemon WE hate, not Pokemon everybody seems to hate on. No incredibly easy pickings here (i.e. Garbodor). Vent about dumb Pokemon all you want in the comments, but these are just ours.

      5. Always blame Thunderplant (read: Fan Boy) for any mistakes made.


      And, as usual, our honourable mentions, so let’s cut to the chase:

      qBl2uXN.png  Monkeys - Mostly Infernape and the Simi-group

      Fuck you Infernape

      I really hate monkeys. They are easily the dumbest animal. I narrow it down to just monkeys because there are really only four that matter: Simisear, Simisage, Simipour, and the worst of them all, Infernape. That’s right, rage now, because I really fucking Infernape. It’s rude of me to leave out the Simi Pokemon if I hate Infernape so much. They try to serve a function of “you can’t figure out type advantages well, so here, lemme hold your hand.” And, well, when you get down to it, they look really stupid (cause they’re monkeys). They’re dumb in their own right, but that’s really it about them.

      Infernape. Infernape, Infernape, Infernape... Why are you so... good? I’ll admit, I hate that this guy is so good. He’s been dominating OU ever since he hit the scene, and he manages to still be prevalent among all the new additions. He’s a little TOO good, especially compared to the other Gen IV starters. And he’s just another Fire/Fighting starter (commence comments on how Fennekin better not be Fire/Fighting). I’m all for good Pokemon, don’t get me wrong. I play primarily in the OU tier everyday, but I still, no matter what, refuse to use this ugly ass fucker. “Oh, but DCG, he’s based of Son Wukong, who’s the king of monkeys!” Well, that doesn’t make monkeys less the-worst-animal-ever. But oh, do I have one major reason for hating him:

      In Gen IV, when playing either Pearl or Diamond, if you DO NOT choose Chimchar at the beginning of the game, the ONLY Fire Pokemon you will have for the Elite Four will be Ponyta/Rapidsh. That just fucking sucks. And you wanna know what? I was in that very predicament. It’s even one of the reasons I dislike D/P as much as I do. It’s all because of Infernape. Fuck you and your monkey ass monkey.

      Note: Primeape is a Pig Monkey which is different and Aipom’s just got a cute as fuck face. I mean, come on. Look at that handsome devil.

      jRROs83.png  Male Combee


      You could have just evolved into this...

      Let me be on the record here. This is the only time I’m going to mention a pre-evolved Pokemon on this list, as we purely went for either a Pokemon’s family of final evolved form. This is also the only time where gender plays our interest because a male Combee is the most useless Pokemon you can get.

      Introduced in Gen IV, honey was means of getting a random Bug/Aipom/Munchlax a day, depending on what tree you slathered honey on the day before. It’s essentially Headbutt from Gen II, except instead of Pineco and Hoothoot as many times you hit the tree, you get Combee or Burmy once a day. Burmy is a horrible Pokemon with NO redeeming qualities but at least Combee can evolve into Vespiquen, an interesting Pokemon with unique moves like Attack and Defend Order. That is, if you get a female. The male Combee DOES NOT EVOLVE. You essentially wasted your slathered honey tree on a Pokemon with a 224 base stat total. 70 Speed? Okay. Now lets list all its Gen V moves: Sweet Scent, Gust, Bug Buzz, Bug Bite, Tailwind, Air Cutter, Endeavour, Snore. Did you count eight moves because I did. At least through Gen IV Tutoring its move pool is more versatile with the likes of Swift, Ominous Wind and the greatness that is Mud Slap. Wait...oh. So what better than to run a Choiced Physical Sweeping set up and watch it die in LC you sick fuck.

      It’s design is stupidly cute, so I can’t argue with that. I understand the concept of grunt bee’s being the support for the queen bee a la real life, but all I want is an evolved form. So until the day a Vespiking appears, I shall forever hate this bug and the fifteen trees wasted on trying to get Vespiquen. (87.5% Male! Game Freak you evil fuckers)



      Now, since we took such a long time to finish this, this blog got around through word of mouth and reached the many peers we socialize with. Zimphf is an awesome person to play video games with, and when he isn’t too busy playing Monster Hunters, he’s chatting on g1 After Dark during the nonexistent hours of the morning. When he heard that a certain Pokemon somehow didn’t make it to the list, he had to include this personal honourable mention the two of us neglected to even mention due to how useless it is.

      8_0.jpg  Luvdisc

      Now this hu?nk...

      I hate Luvdisc. Oh, the many ways I hate Luvdisc. I’m going to go ahead and say what I do like about it, or I should say the only use for it. You can get the much needed Heart Scale from Luvdisc, and most of Gen III and Gen IV, it was the easiest way to farm them. There, now lets just say that not only does Luvdisc take up too much space in your storage, it also is pretty worthless when it comes to being viable in any form of combat. This Pokemon is so bad, that Smogon has not even bothered to list any useable set or strategy for Luvdisc.

      Using a Luvdisc is like that trainer who decides that Magikarp with flail is good enough and oh-so hilarious. Hell, Magikarp with flail would actually be better than Luvdisc. But enough about angry rant, let’s actually compare it as a useable water type... It’s bad... Just really, really bad. It needs so much personal training to make it even close to as good as a tree. No, not Sudowoodo, I’m talking about an ACTUAL tree. Any possible moveset isn’t even that great, and besides having Lucky Chant and Water Pulse, it really is pretty lackluster.

      I don’t really have too much more to say about Luvdisc besides that it may very well be the WORST Water-type Pokemon, hands down. And I should know; I love using any Water-type in the game. I even gave Luvdisc a try, but shit, I would rather try to win with a full team of Magikarp than use Luvdisc. Also, a heart? Seriously? It looks dumb and just makes me wanna play Zelda.



      Now for the main point. Here is


      Dr. Cool Guy and ThunderPlant's Top Ten Pokemon We Hate With A Passion!


      #10 Ferrothorn (Gen V)

      Okay, so maybe that looks a LITTLE cool...

      Ferrothorn was introduced in this latest generation in a somewhat inconvenient spot. Ferrothorn (the pre-evolved form) is found in Chargestone Cave with his troublesome ability: Iron Barbs. Any time you physically touch it, you lose health. This is beyond annoying considering every other Pokemon in that cave will probably have Sturdy, thus racking up a crazy amount of chip damage over time. God it’s frustrating. On the other hand, you could use this to your advantage in the main game. It’s an awesome way to whittle down Pokemon. Either way, his evolved form is kind of ugly. It just has... dangly ass prickers coming out of it... Dafuq...
      Bulbapedia is assuming this Pokemon is partially based on a Duran. Those things smell really foul. I can never understand how people, even members of my own family, can eat the stuff. All Pokemon draw inspiration from some source material, and Ferrothorn should be no different. Except in this case, it’s a Duran mixed with military flails? What the fuck are you serious Nintendo? This design makes NO fucking sense. If you wanted something that made sense that resembles Ferrothorn look no further than Forretress. Otherwise, the Pokemon in question’s design literally is a ball of spikes and I just can’t stand how this thing works.
      Alas, this guy’s pretty much a Gen V OU standard. Having impressive bulk and modest attack alone would be awesome, but with access to Spikes, Stealth Rock, Leech Seed, and Power Whip makes him a pretty stand-up Pokemon. Yeah, it gets worse. Thunder Wave, Protect, Explosion... The list goes on. There’s no bound to Ferrothorn’s bothersome move pool. And we haven’t even got to his typing yet: Grass/Steel. That’s pretty amazing with 11 resistance and only two weaknesses (Fighting as one and Fire as a double weakness). So why is it that we hate this son of a bitch? Well... Read what I just wrote. He’s a pain in the ass to deal with...
      #9 Unown (Gen II)
      Spr 2c 201L.gifSpr 2c 201O.gifSpr 2c 201L.gif
      Spr 2c 201W.gifSpr 2c 201E.gif
      Spr 2c 201S.gifSpr 2c 201U.gifSpr 2c 201C.gifSpr 2c 201K.gif


      You just beat Falkner and his underleveled Pidgeotto, and take a misleading left to the Ruins of Alph. After doing an easy puzzle of Kabuto, you fall down into a small snake-shaped room, where you are introduced to one of the twenty-six possible designs of Unown. Literally the Pokemon responsible for all the Gold/Silver schoolyard rumors, there are hundreds of Urban Legend of Zelda (see: TVTropes) relating to this unknown Pokemon. From finding the GS Ball in a secret room for catching every single Unown to even having it spell out a name, the rumor-mill is endless. The actual prize for catching all the Unown? Well for one thing your Unown Dex is complete and your collection of Unown become alphabetized. Oh, and you can use your Game Boy Printer to print out the sprites and text of Unown. Huh, well that blows.
      Unown is the definition of a gimmick Pokemon. He’s supposed to be some mystical and mysterious Pokemon with some sort of hidden power. Get it? Hidden Power?! But seriously, Unown’s only saving grace is that he gave the world that move, because it’s awesome for almost everybody except Unown. And there are 28 of them, as if one wasn’t bad enough! So his design kind of baffles me. Yeah, he’s the Latin alphabet; he only makes sense to people who know languages written with that alphabet. So children in other Asian countries may have no clue what they’re looking at. And if they may notice some similarities or (please, don't) try to use it to learn the alphabet, HALF OF THE UNOWN BARELY LOOK LIKE THEIR RESPECTIVE LETTERS.
      You are a silly, silly, person for EVER using Unown in ANY competitive battle. 72 Attacks and 48 everything else for base stats is laughable for one thing, but having Hidden Power as its only move is another big problem. Anyone familiar with the competitive scene knows that Hidden Power is a Special attack that, with the proper IV distribution, can be any type the user sees fit. With a maximum base power of 70, Hidden Power would be considered a good move, but only when used with a selection of other moves. It’s the go-to Special Attacker filler to counter weaknesses and checks.Wait... 252+ SpA Choice Specs Unown with HP Psychic vs. 4 HP/0 SpD Magikarp = 217.58 - 256.04% HOLY CRAP WHY ISN’T HE IN OU?!
      #8 Basculin (Gen V)

      You know you're in for a treat when the two Gen V Pokemon are this high up on the list.

      Basculin is Gen V’s go-to fish Pokemon. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He’s got some decent stats for a Pokemon you can catch around level 15 and learns some okay moves. And hey, he even looks kind of cool. Our only problem with Basculin is the fact that Game Freak tried WAY too hard with him. Having two unnecessary forms and being literally everywhere with water makes him a nuisance at best. To make matters worse, he’ll appear in areas with level 40+ Pokemon while still only being below level 20 himself. Annoying? You betcha.
      He’s a fish. Technically a bass despite looking like a fucking piranha. Now here is the part where I go “Carvanha is way cooler and better and sexier” but you should already know that. If not, shame on you for not liking the torpedo shaped shark named Sharpedo. I don’t understand that despite all this, it gets two useless forms. The difference between said forms, aside from a stripe on their heads is ability. It feels incredibly uninspired especially considering that we had the same thing with Gastrodon, except in the case of the aforementioned there was a significant difference between the two formes. A blue or red stripe does not cut it for such a boring fish.
      I mean, I guess Basculin has meta game capabilities? Like many boring Water Pokemon, Basculin has a really standard move pool with nothing very amazing. It fortunately isn’t just a Swift Swimmer, but that’s really the only thing giving it some credibility. Adaptability is nice, especially with STAB Aqua Jet and Waterfall, but... that’s not impressive at all with a meager 92 Atk and the ability to take exactly one hit. Your best bet is honestly just Choice Banding yourself and Aqua Jetting everything in sight. Then, just pray they don’t have a Water Pokemon or something with Water Absorb/Rain Dish or anything. Don’t even give this lame-o a chance.
      #7 Grumpig (Gen III)

      Low quality or not, not gunna lie, this is a vast improvement...

      Of the people who actually stepped in the grass of Rugged Pass in Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, how many of you actually found a Spoink on your first try? A significant bit, since the encounter rate isn’t too bad and I don’t see why you didn’t catch it. This thing is as cute as Spheal! But unlike Spheal who evolves into the badass known to all as the mighty Stallrein, Grumpig isn’t that amazing of a Pokemon. Sure you only need to level it up approximately 12 levels to reach its final form at level 32, but its nothing too impressive of a Pokemon. With Sidney as an Elite Four member, and already facing Brawly, having a bulky Psychic Pokemon isn’t something worth having during the main game.
      Normally I’d say pigs are pretty darn cute, but not when they’re the fat and gross kind. Spoink is friggin adorable, but me oh my is Grumpig a waste of space. It’s lardish and bland. Despite its lavender skin being one of my personal favorite colors, that black, lavender, and pink color scheme is fairly atrocious. Sure, it’s Japanese name is pronounced Boopig, which sounds a heck of a lot like Boopin, but he still kinda blows. Honestly, there isn’t much to say about Grumpig that’s either rage-tastic or critical. He’s a forgettable Pokemon that has absolutely nothing going for him, and that’s enough to hate him up to the #7 spot for me.
      Despite looking incredibly forgettable, Grumpig does has it’s niche in NU as a special Wall. With 80/65/110 defenses, this pig just eats up any Special Attack moves, especially Ice and Fire type moves with his Thick Fat ability. Add a 90/80 Special Attack and Speed, you could even run a Choiced set up with it. However, a defensive set up is way better, despite it’s lack of recovery move. With such possibilities as Dual Screens, Thunder Wave, Taunt and Heal Bell, it is actually the possibilities of movesets that restrict Grumpig. You can’t have Whirlwind to get rid of set ups without getting rid of Heal Bell. Sleep Talk would mean voiding your defensive setup. So you have to choose wisely as to how you want you pig to be used.
      #6 Relicanth (Gen III)

      He's just... a gross combination of everything.

      Relicanth is a psuedo-fossil Pokemon, seeing as he has that very same type combination. This little critter can be found while diving in RSE and who the fuck knows where in Gen IV and V. I mean, let’s face it, he’s not even that cool looking to bother hunting down and catching one. It’s easy to see why, too. In most games, you’re bound to have a Water and Rock/Ground type on your team, and you often get a Fossil pokemon early on-ish. He has no place on a team since you’ll most likely need to surf to get this ugly fuck anyways.
      What the fuck is with the Pokemon series and trying to come up with different variants of fish based Mons. Not only is this one based on a fossil, but it has that old man face. Come to think of it, this just so happens to be my favourite fish in this list because of it’s unique appeal. Sure it’s essentially a carbon copy of the Coelacanth, but damn I’m a sucker for fossils. Especially ones necessary with puzzles such as the Gen III sidequest to summon the Regis from their eternal puzzle. Other than that, there isn’t much of a unique outlook on this living fossil, other than that strange red dot that has no purpose whatsoever.
      Water/Rock is a relatively unseen in the meta, especially considering there are only five fully evolved Pokemon with that type combination (for those curious, Corsola, Kabutops, Omastar, and Carracosta). Unfortunately, Relicanth is possibly tied with Corsola for bottom of that list. He doesn’t have access to Shell Smash like Carracosta or Omastar, and he doesn’t have a place as an offensive spinner like Kabutops. But hot damn, he has... I guess Rock Head/Head Smash combo...? Cooooooool...
      #5 Bronzong (Gen IV)

      I'm still not sure where its face is

      A commonality in the Diamond/Pearl/Platinum caves, due to Mt. Coronet taking half of Sinnoh, Bronzor is the go-to Pokemon for those who want some bulk in their team. To get a Steel/Psychic fairly early in the game would make your adventure easy, as Bronzong’s predecessors Metagross and Jirachi have been known to decimate the competitive scene. However, facing it can be quite the problem, especially considering Lucian of the Elite Four carries on his his team. I’ll mention why after a word from our Doctor friend here.
      Metagross doesn’t make that cut for being somewhat brittle and slow (since few poor EVs into his defenses). I personally wanted to put Jirachi on this list for very similar reasons with fewer weakness. That para-flinching bitch is the bane of my existence in OU. But Bronzong... That unpredictable son of a bitch. He can resist so much and run multiple sets. He’s just rude. And why is it Game Freak designs all the good Steel types to be kind of ugly? He’s a... bell? Made of bronze? I mean I guess that’s... neat? Not really, guys. Also, he clearly looks blue, and his Pokedex entry lists him as green. Come on. I get what they were going for, as bronze, being an alloy largely consisting of copper, will turn a blueish-green as it oxidizes (hooray chemistry!) but he’s still stupid.
      500 base stat total. 116 duel Defenses. Only two weaknesses, where each one could be deflected with either of Bronzong’s abilities. (Levitate against Ground and Heatproof for Fire) This beast is a bane to all players in the higher tiers for these reasons and more, like his eight resistances and one immunity. Whether it be a Tank, Support or Special Attacker, you know when you’re against this that you are in one hell of a battle. Oh, and did I mention he has a diverse movepool for said supportive and offensive means? You make this fucker set up anything and you’re in for one uphill battle.
      #4 Mr. Mime (Gen I)

      Even when reaching into your very soul he's a terrible  Pokemon.


      Everybody knows who this is. Do I even need to elaborate? Well, I can at least put it into perspective. Not only does this Gen I “original” blow hard, he’s apparently so awesome in the ways of R/B/Y that you can only get one. That’s right, if you recall correctly, you’ll remember that you need to trade an Abra (Clefairy in Yellow) on Route 2 for this majestic Pokemon. Of course, he becomes more available in later generations, but that’s beside the point. It’s not like any one would want to use him anyways.

      I honestly don’t mind Mr. Mine’s design. It has this charm as a court jester with the ears and feet. It’s gender is a confusing case though, as 50% of “Mr. Mime” are female. That would probably be my only problem with this otherwise “meh” Pokemon other than the fact that Mime Jr. exists. However, I can see the arguments against the design choice. The majority of his design composed of circles like a marionette’s joints, but it’s supposed to be a jester and mime at the same time? I’m not a fan, suffice to say.
      Just reading what TP said confuses me. An all-around unimpressive Pokemon gets a WORSE version of itself? That makes sense. Why evolve Mr. Mime into like, Dr. Mime Ph.D when you could just give it a useless baby pre-evolution? Here was where I was going to attempt to say Mr. Mime has some decent stats with a straight face, but that’s just not happening. 40 HP and 65 Def, you’ve got to be kidding me. “Oh but Dr. Cool Guy, you’re so outrageously cool that you looked over his 100 Sp Atk and 120 Sp Def!” Well, there isn’t much use for either of those with such pitiful defenses and only base 90 Speed. Pull yourself together Mr. Mime. You suck and no body likes you. Also HOW CAN YOU BE A FEMALE GOD THAT’S UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
      #3 Girafarig (Gen II)

      Originally Girafarig was supposed to look like this, and I seriously approve.

      Johto’s Route 43. You’re on your way to the Lake of Rage to discover the illustrious Red Gyarados until this giraffe with a Chain Chomp for a tail appears. Baffled by the sight you immediately attempt to catch it, because hey, it just used Confusion. Congratulations, you just caught a Girafarig, the only catchable Johto Psychic in the game besides Xatu.
      Woo hoo. Ya did it. You caught the most baffling Pokemon this side of Mt Silver. It’s a giraffe with a chain chomp. FOR A BUTT. And that butt has its own brain, awesome. So it’s just starin at you all crazy eyes as you battle. While Girafarig sleeps, it’s tail just watches like some sick fuck. When Girafarig chews and swallows, its tail does so also, pretending it’s eating. You know how it got there? You wanna know how? It got in a fight with Girafarig and was like “oh hey I’ll stay awesome!” like some weirdo. Oh, you think I’m making that up? Well MAYBE I AM. This pokemon could have been so much fucking cooler as a Normal/Psychic type, but instead it just got a really dumbed down movepool and stats with a creepy ass tail. WELL AT LEAST IT’S NAME IS A PALINDROME, RIGHT?!


      Take a look at this poor Pokemon’s stats. SpA is his highest at 90, and it totals a pitiful 455. Its terribly mediocre in every single way, despite it being the only pure Normal/Psychic type. I say pure because Meloetta has that thing about changing forms. [beat] I’m getting off topic. Anyways, it does have a nice niche in the NU tier, as it essentially is the jack of all trades. Physical attacker, Special attacker, Baton Passer. It does have a fair share of movesets that can catch your opponent off guard, not to mention Sap Sipper makes it an excellent check against the common Grass types in all tiers.


      #2 Lumineon (Gen IV)

      You smug piece of shit...

      Here is where it really gets good. Let me preface this with the fact that TP and I sure know a lot about Pokemon. In fact, maybe too much. So we know Pokemon sets, moves, teams, stats, and everything you may ever need to know about Pokemon you may never even see or use. So you wanna know why Lumineon is so high on our list? We forgot this piece of crap Pokemon even existed. As generic fish Pokemon #68, Lumineon sucks in nearly every way possible, is found way too late in the game, and you probably will never see one because you don’t care to ever find one. Go drown yourself, Lumineon...


      One day in the Game Freak studios decided, “Hey, we always need more water types. What kinda of aquatic animal haven’t we done yet. Butterfly fish? How about this, a fish with butterfly fins?” Fuck. No. Pale blues for a Pokemon that’s suppose to exhibit a luminescent colour scheme? I would have never known. Lanturn better exhibits that and looks better as a cute angler fish. This design is incredibly boring and uninspired, even for the standards of a fish Pokemon. It’s sad that the pre-evolved form has a better design template, and even then it’s still a boring fish.
      You know a Pokemon blows when the damn thing can’t crawl out of NU from the second it was created. Lumineon has really underwhelming, but admittedly not terrible, stats. It “boasts” a fairly even spread of 69/69/76/69/86/91. That’s decent speed, I guess, and while it’s not going to take any hits with dem underwhelming defenses, we can take solace in the fact that none of its stats dip below 69. So it could be worse. But it’s movepool, oh Lumineon’s movepool; Game Freak gifted this Pokemon with generic Swift Swim set #12 and nothing more. Basically, Rain Dance (with Damp Rock), Surf for STAB, HP Grass and U-turn for coverage. Not good coverage, but coverage. I guess. You’re so sad Lumineon that I kind of want to hate you out of existence.
      #1 Dragonite (Gen I)

      Hey! Oh, you wanted a real Pokemon? Well see ya later then...

      Surprised? Well here is the OG Dragon type and by god do we hate it. You have two serpentine and not to mention blue dragons evolve into this yellow Puff the Magic Dragon knock off. But I’ll let Coolguy here talk more about the design. Dragonite is rare to come by due to Dratini being only found in the wild by fishing with a Super Rod...or for those with gambling problems could get on in Red/Blue with the Game Corner. Of course then you have to raise it 40 levels to get to it’s most powerful form, and here begins the rant.
      Dragonite. Not only do you look fat and stupid, you smell like one too. Why in the ever-living hell would something as cool as Dragonair evolve into Dragonite? Your shiny form looks like the worst shade of diarrhea-green. Why do people even like you? It’s probably because of the fact that you’ve been OU since forever for God knows why (probably hax). I mean yeah you’re cool, but I hate the way you look. I can’t think of a single Dragon that isn’t cooler than you. Just go fuck yourself. I’m done.
      Charmander > Charmeleon  > Charizard. Makes sense. Gible > Gabite > Garchomp. Makes fucking sense. Remoraid > Octillery. Uhh...OKAY so metagame usage? Yup, metagame. Dragonite is the staple of the awesomeness that is the pseudo-legendary, boasting an impressive 600 base stat total and a wide movepool making it perfect for any physical or defensive set up. Inner Focus doesn’t really make much sense, since it’s predecessors carried Shed Skin, but at least Marvel Scale is a good ability for it. Not to mention, thanks to the wide variety of good Ice and Dragon moves out there, Dragonite is easily counterable in a well adjusted team. We cannot hate this portion, but because it goes from SKINNY BLUE to FAT YELLOW, he will always remain our number 1.


      Well... Yeah. Dragonite kinda deserves this even though ABSOLUTELY NO ONE will agree with us. I just know it. But hey, you all should know by now I love my sleeper-hit number ones. So that’s it this time, and to prevent prolonging this like we usually do, I’ll let TP do his usual spheal.
      Ice Pokemon eh. Other than the fact that you should be ashamed for making such a lame-ass joke, I think we should had a look into Ice Types
    • Top 5 Things We Want in Pokemon Generation VI

      5 years ago


      Hey everybody! Welcome back to the... fifth! Yeah, fifth installment of Pokemon Talk! Thunderplant wanted to be the first to speak in this blog, but like I’d let that happen. This is going to be a very special list thanks to some interesting something or others.

      With advertising money (and a pie, for some reason) from Game Freak in our pockets, it’s time to plug some love for the new Pokemon X & Y! Coming out worldwide (except a few select countries) in October 2013 on Nintendo 3DS... is what we’d like to say if the person Doc talked to wasn’t a homeless person living under a bridge who paid us in food stamps. So with canned pasta at hand, we here at Pokemon Talk will do what we always do best and that is make a Top Ten about whatever we like.

      Uhh... Dude... We talked about this. It’s a top five this time (cause damn does it take too long to do a top ten. I mean uhhh...) And we already established what fun we will be having. Hey reader(s). We brought in... wait for it... A THIRD PERSON. Yeah that’s right, we extended this luxurious one-time offer to your very own Abrams! And if he doesn’t accept within the next 15 seconds, well...


      Spoon and Salutations, g1s! It is I, the SpoonMan Abrams X! These two slackers requested some more Poke-nerdiness,and I do love myself some Pokemans, having played the games since I was a wee lad on the original Red & Blue in 1998! You don’t get more OG then that! Now where is that pie I was promised?!

      Yes, we snagged the Spoonman himself. His services don’t come cheap, don’t you know. Wehad to offer him the rarest of all pies created by some South American shaman. Of course before we had that delivered to him, it suffered from an unfortunate accident of eaten. Now since he’s the guest and all, why don’t we make him do all the work and mention the few short rules for this discussion.


      Less work for me? HELL YEAH, I'M DOWN.


       What is this?! No pie and I have to do your work? I call shenanigans!Regardless, I suppose I could lay down the ground rules real quick, so people know what we we’re up to here... *mumblegrumblesIwantpiemumbles*

      1. This is a list on the basis of overall game feel, and what would improve the mold that is the main Pokemon series. Talk about metagame and the competitive nature that is online battles should not, and will not, be the primary feature of this blog.

      2. Yeah, that’s right. That also means we’re talking about improving the obviously successful formula of Pokemon here. We’re not shooting for the sky here. What neat little things we wanna see that would just make the game cooler -- that’s what this list is .

      3. Also, these are the things we would like to see, so we’re not trying to list too many of the obvious ones. Duh, we all want new Pokemon and we want cool moves. We have lists dedicated to some of those already. 

      4. Our list, our opinions. If you have any problem with it, please leave a comment on our new twitter handle: @manlynessness


      A shorter list means only a few rules. Got it? Good. This list should be pretty self explanatory, and you’re all probably going to agree with us for once (Thank God...). So if it’s cool with you guys, we’re just gonna nerd out the five most awesome things we wanna see. Oh, but first, the honourable mentions:


        Multiple Save Files

      You would think this would be standard for all RPGs nowadays to have more than one save file. I even find this problem with certain SMT games where you recruit Demons, Angels and Gods to assist you in battle.

      But we aren’t talking about Devil Survivor, no, this is Pokemon Talk. I have a file in Pokemon Platinum I’m afraid to let near my young cousins because I know they’ll want to create a new game and wipe out 200+ legal Pokesav’d Pokemon ready for competitive purposes. After I’m done with the main game of Pokemon I rarely, if ever, create a new game, because I’ve spent countless hours grinding my team to perfection. I get sick knowing that something so simple as a corrupt save will ruin that playtime. Multiple saves voids this as I can instead have a specific folder devoted to my post-game multiplayer experience, while keeping a couple opened for whatever I feel like doing. Whether it be just a new game or a Nuzlocke challenge, this is something I truly want to see in X & Y.

      However, I was the only one strongly on this note, as the top five featured content that surpassed this opinion believe it or not.

      Active/Real-Time Battles  ejiRgFC.png

      Now don’t get discouraged, I’m not talking about overhauling the entire Pokemon battle style and making it into an MMO with command input and fully animated battles, etc... (though that would be AWESOME! Least in my opinion~).

      Turn based battles work and all, but can only do so much with it. “Real/Active” time battles would be the next obvious step in the evolution of the series (hyuckhyuck) Something similar to the (in)famous Final Fantasy ATB system would be cool. Each move has a cooldown, and moves that need “charge up” like Solarbeam could do so, or moves like Hyper Beam can simply just have slow recharge & even slow down all recharge times temporarily, etc. Speed would actually mean something outside of just “who goes first”, actually impacting how fast and often a ‘Mon can attack. It would be intuitive and fit very well into the current dynamic of the game, opening up new strategies and possibilities...

      That said, it unfortunately isn’t necessarily newbie friendly, as a lot of the youngins that play might have a hard time time grasping it... and admittedly, while it doesn’t change the Pokemon formula TOO drastically, it still is a very big change (also, Doc & TP are haters~)

      Character Customization

      I don’t want much from you, Game Freak. Really. I like you guys! Everyone else likes to complain, the character looks “so dumb” and say things like “Why would I wanna be that?” Well you know what I say to that? Who the hell cares? You’re looking at the back of their head for most of the time you even control them. And even then, they’re a lo-res bunch of pixels! So stop complaining!

      But now, oh now. We’re talkin’ 3D, bitches! That means we’re gunna get up close and personal with these character models. So wouldn’t it be nice to customize them? I don’t expect anything too advanced (realistically). I don’t anticipate Tony Haw-esque  customization or anything. Just some nice little ideas: palette changes, different head accessories, different backpack/pouch/bag. Simple things.

      This would be even better with a little more incentive. Say, every time you beat a Gym Leader you get a badge (of course), a TM, and a new customizable thing, like a hat or something. And you can unlock others in other ways. Give the players more reason (although maybe not the BEST) just to play more things in your game like the battle towers and dumb ass contests. Oh. And remove those dumb ass contests, Game Freak.

      And with that, we get into the:


      Top Five Things We Want to See in Gen VI


      5. Better HM Implimentation
      Okay, the idea here is essentially how HMs are dealt with in game. Usually the game requires you to have a Pokemon with a certain move to get to a certain path that is blocked, or make your travel time easier. That one move takes up valuable space, as no one but slaves want to have something like Cut so late in the game. This does later on decrease the value on certain HM Slaves ala Bibarel and Tropius, but I’d prefer to carry an asset to my team when battling.
      Agreed with TP entirely. Make the moves either suck less and be viable in endgame/competitive aspects (other than Flash), or just do away with them “being moves” all together; aka make them strictly “utility moves”.
      What I mean, they could give each ‘Mon a “Utility slot” or something of the like, so they can learn the HM without having to fill up a move slot. This would just serve to lessen headaches as well as be able to properly equip a full team to deal with the hazard of adventuring. 

      For the record, utility slot? My idea..! And a damn good one. It’s much more reasonable than the thought of raising the power of all HMs, because it wouldn’t make sense to get a 70 Power Cut at the first gym. It would break the game, and frankly, some moves HAVE to suck, amirite?


      However, similar to how certain Pokemon can only learn certain HMs, it would be better to leave that mechanic alone, but instead leave each Pokemon with one slot for one HM that, maybe, can never be erased. That means 6 HMs on a team at a time, and that sounds reasonable. Because holy hell do I hate having to swap out one of my six Pokemon for a slave just to get through Victory Road.


      4. Different and/or Multiple Regions
      Ah, yes... THIS is one of the main reasons why a lot of players remember the Gold/Silver/Crystal series so fondly, as well as made the remakes FireRed and LeafGreen so awesome! Part of the experience of single player is the exploration, and Black and White kind of made a step in the right direction with post-game plot and area exploration. They need to take it the step further and throw back in some old regions for that? Why haven’t we went back to Kanto since Gen 2? Why haven’t we visited Orre on a handheld?!  
      If this happens, I want it to happen right. The reason Gen II Kanto was so great was because we saw the passage of time on our beloved region (i.e. Magnet Train in Saffron, Cinnabar eruption) and really, Red (the last games’ protagonist) being battle-able. That being said, I would hate it if they just slapped Hoenn in a game and were like, “well, here ya go. Second region.” We need it to matter; we need it to change in a way that we want to reach every town to see what happened.  
      It also had to do with that fact that the level progression in the game was really slow. If you were to compare the battle between Lance and Blue, you would have to pick Blue back in Gen II. It was evenly distributed knowing full well that another adventure continues beyond Tohjo Falls.
      In order for a new region to be implemented, the entire game has to be designed in an intricate fashion. Whether it be towns extremely close to each other or level progression going to the 80s, it has to make sense. Technically this could go into more post-game material based on how lackluster Black/White was in comparison to lets say Platinum, but we want to keep this within the main adventure. Besides, post-game is extra for us hardcore folks.
      3. Distinct Differences Between Versions
      This one needs a bit of explaining. Yes, there are usually differences between two Pokemon games. What we want here is a very clear differentiation. Not just different legendaries, but maybe different gym leader order? Maybe a few different gym leaders entirely (Iris vs Drayden barely counts). Maybe a different path through the game. It’d need to be something to really make you think about which game to choose. Just be careful. One version better not be downright superior to another. That would suuuuuuuck. 
      Do you know what made me choose White instead of Black? Lilligant. I am dead fucking serious. The fact that I chose the game purely because I liked one Pokemon over another constituted me to buy that version. I didn’t care about the White Forest or the Black City, I just wanted to play one and get it over with.
      My suggestion for this topic was for the player character to start at different routes to experience a different style. Imagine instead of Black 2/White 2 we had a hybrid that balanced the two out. One would have the character start at Nuvema and another in Aspertia. Pretend you fought trainers/gym leader in a completely different order. We could, for example, see a gym leader like Brock have level 15 vs level 40 Pokemon (and possibly different ones entirely) in different versions.
      Yea, something besides “this Pokemon only appears in this version!” (Truthfully I’d prefer they do away with it completely, but I digress) Obviously it would require some rebalancing to be done if the games were to still share a mostly similar world or whatever, but still, would really make the experience fresh and unique. Maybe even go as far as unique player characters and storylines? One can only hope...
      2. New Evolutions

      This doesn't fucking count.

      Currently, sans legendaries, there are 56 Pokemon in the National Dex without an evolution. This is confusing beyond belief, as some of these Pokemon are in dire need of one, just so they can get some attention. For Xenu’s sake Generation IV gave evolutions to Tangela, Electabuzz and Magmar. Where’s my Farfetch’d Samurai? That bird is beyond useless to the point where it’s greatest asset is a STICK. Evolve that bird already.
      Not every Pokemon needs an evolution (In fact, here's a list of the Pokemon who statistically need one the most: http://i.imgur.com/8iH80.png?1), granted, Ditto would just be awkward, but when you look at Pokemon like Farfetch’d, Dunsparce, or Mawile, with their strange popularity, it really begs the question.
      It could also help some of the, in my opinion, “forgettable” additions like Volbeat & Illumise or Stantler. Also, Pinsir. SO much cooler than Scyther/Scizor. Yes, I said it. How can you not love a Pokemon with giant steel-crushing pinchers on his head?! Answer: You can’t. Don’t even try.
      I know what you’re all thinking, “oh but everybody’s gonna say this (and also #1).” Well, first of all, too bad. But hear me out. This didn’t happen in Gen III or V, and it worked very well in my opinion (in fact, I preferred it). It gives us more totally new and unique Pokemon. But, seeing as everyone likes to bitch and moan about “bad Pokemon design” a la Vanilluxe, this could work.
      I love seeing Game Freak use their imagination to evolve an older Pokemon in a creative way, while still keeping it a reasonable progression. It could be fantastic, or it could end horribly. This is only #2 because I could be happy whether they did this or not, and it’s a bit more obvious that people want this.
      1. More Bad Ass and  Creative Type Combinations
                                                                 frontnormal-mmollux.png               frontnormal-mrevenankh.png             frontnormal-mnecturna.png          frontnormal-msyclant.png
      fire_big.pngpoison_big.png  ghost_big.pngfighting_big.png  grass_big.pngghost_big.png  ice_big.pngbug_big.png

      See? Now that's just bad ass.

      You all should have seen this for number one. I really love Electric and Ghost type Pokemon, and I feel they have a lot of potential. We haven’t gotten a lot of interesting type combinations for these types, although it has gotten better recently (Ghost got a lot of cool stuff this generation).
      Honestly, I only want one thing: Electric/Fire (Toaster Rotom doesn’t fucking count). And it would be awesome. As well as Fire/Water, Ghost/Steel, etc. And we’re all thinking about this next sentence, so we’re purposely not putting it on the list. But guys, a new type (which I don’t see and don’t want to happen) would be awesome, am I right?
      Actually, the man has a point...except that talk about a Fire/Water type. Unless you can think of some crazy two-in-one/duo elemental sort of Pokemon then that’s just crazy talk. Anywho, out of all the seventeen types in the game, it is Ghost in last place and Water at a staggering first. Yes, despite the claim that Dragon is supposed to be a rarity in the Pokemon Universe they are not the least common denominator in the game.
      So my spin on the whole idea for more creative Pokemon is implementing ghost attributes to even things out. There is so much Eastern and Western folklore that involve the supernatural, it’s strange how some haven’t been turned into Pokemon yet. Headless Horseman themed Ghost/Fire type please?
      Or a Slenderman inspired Pokemon? Would fit PERFECTLY into Pokemon lore, ha. Seriously though, some types just need to be represented more. Throw some more random Normal Dual types out there. Normal/Grass? We’ve also got some pure Ice type Pokemon finally, what about a pure non-legendary Flying type? Heck, I’d almost be happy with less Water type Pokemon just to even things out, but I digress. Also, I am inclined to agree with Doc, Water/Fire type is too awesome to not have happened already~
      Yeah, yeah. I know this #1 wasn’t as surprising as some others may have been, but that wasn’t the point this time. Seriously though? We could get some really cool Pokemon out of it if Game Freak just decides to go nuts. We want cool stuff from Gen VI, and we wanted to write with some cool g1s. Go figure, it works! So expect more of that in the future. That being said--
      Hopefully we’ll one day get that advertising money from Game Freak so we can sell out like champions!
      Indeed, and then maybe you can reimburse me for that priceless Pie you ate. You know, that pie wasn’t necessarily meant to be EATEN, just a fyi... The next 48 hours are going to be fun for whoever ate it, bwahahahahaha~
      And thanks for joining us Abrams! I hope you didn’t hate every second of it and don’t ban me from g1 After Dark for it. 
      Thanks for having me! It was much fun sharing in the Poke nerd-ness. I look forward to working with you potentially in the future! Perhaps with more shenanigans involved... maybe even some malarkey! (Also don’t worry. Doc, you’re not TP so I don’t have any need/reason to ban you daily~) (<3 TP, lol) 
      Oh... so that’s what you think of me Abe?! *AHEM* Like always, for all your frequent updates on whatever, you can always follow us on our respective Twitter accounts: @Thunderplant and @Dr_Cool_Guy. We’d like to once again thank the Spoonman Abrams X himself for partaking in this blog, as well as providing us some excellent feedback on our format. You can also find him via Twitter with the handle @Abrams_X.   
      As always, the three of us are frequent on the g1 dedicated tinychat g1 After Dark so whenever you’re bored on a lonely night, you can always pop on http://tinychat.com/g1afterdark for random shenanigans.
      And guys, if you would like to play Pokmeon with yours truly, I frequently play online at http://play.pokemonshowdown.com/lobby as, of course, DrCoolGuy. Send me a PM on either that site or SA. No teams required either, as they do have random battles (Although I also frequently play in OU and Ubers). But yeah. Play with me I guess. If you want. Oh you don’t? I mean, that’s cool. Cause then I have more time to write about: 

      The Top 10 Pokemon We Hate With a Passion!

      TP: Now <BEARS> off!

    • All about ice types: the chilly anomaly

      5 years ago



      Come one, come all! To the greatest show on ScrewAttack..! That’s about Pokemon, at least... We excited? It’s Thunder Plant and I as usual; new style, same two dudes talkin’ about the Pokes you love! Cause this time we’re using part of my name as the double entendre of this blog, because this is gonna be our coolest blog yet!


      So among all the delay, we finally return for another installment of Pokemon Talk. With exams and job hunting during our long summer months, we pushed aside this blog for quite some time until we remembered this blog even existed. If you can already tell from the introduction, this is gonna be quite the blog.


      And this is because we’re doing something different this time, expect this to not only be much shorter than normal. I didn’t want to keep stressing you guys out each month with an essay’s worth of writing. That being said, we’ll get on with the show, and if you like what you see, PM me to participate in the next one. So lets take a look and talk a ton about Ice Types.

      Introduction and Competitive Summary  IPG6U0T.png


      Ice is one of the original fifteen (then seventeen, as Steel and Dark were introduced after for balancing) types introduced in Generation I in which its critical acclaim other than getting Lapras after saving Silph Co. was as a counterbalance to the oh-so-godlike Dragonite. Aside from a few blizzard related abnormalities such as the Yuki-onna (or ice cream), Ice is usually glacials inspired beasts or commonalities in the frigid north.
      Offensively great against Dragon, Grass, Ground and Flying made sure that these Antarctic beasts would be the perfect antithesis to the powerful pseudo-legendaries. However, weaknesses to Fire, Fighting, Rock, Steel made sure that these Pokemon would never be affiliated with the word “wall” unless being part Water or Ground. Not to mention that unfortunate weakness to Stealth Rock. As a result, unless your name was Cloyster there was no chance in hell you were gonna have a STAB Ice Beam in the high competitive scene, as the move itself was saved for other Special Attackers. You hit hard and you hit fast, or else there will be an Earthquake ready to kill you in one hit. Ironically though, this never stopped Game Freak from making defensive Ice Types with Walrein and Regice.
      Gen IV was a renaissance and a breaking point for this typing. Originally exclusive to Special, the Physical/Special ensured that the physical hitting evolutions Mamoswine and Weavile would be fast and heavy hitters whereas the introduction of Stealth Rocks ruined the chance to ever use Articuno. Classics like Jynx and Lapras failed to meet ground with the new cast of Mons in the game, where only Cloyster is the one who gets new game breaking toys in the name of Gen V’s Shell Smash. Its fun enough to note that these three Pokemon are the main reason to use Ice types, with their massive movepool for various sets and use in the competitive scene. Unless of course, you’re silly enough to make a Hail team.

      Whether you find them cool or not, Ice-types are utilized very effectively by some of the most chill trainers in the series: Lorelai of the Kanto Elite Four, Pryce of the Mahogany Gym, and the Pokestar Studio Star Brycen of Icirrus City. Why he “retired” in B2W2 I’ll never know, but I know one thing's for certain, I really hate Pokestar Studios. (TP: No love for Mecha Tyranitar? Doc confirmed for casual movie goer)
      jRROs83.png  The Most Common and "Best" Ice-Type Moves
      • Ice Shard: The ice equivalent to Quick Attack. It’s a good idea on just about every physical-oriented Ice-type. Slap this sucker on a Choiced Mamoswine and watch as the Landorus or Dragon/Flying monstrosity goes down.

      • Ice Beam/Blizzard: Literally if you don’t have the one move as a check, you’ll have the other. These two moves are the staple in Ice attacks, but Ice Beam tends to be favoured more often for that sweet, sweet accuracy.

      • Ice Punch: Unfortunately, this tends to be the default Physical Ice-type move. Icicle Crash is technically stronger with no drawbacks, but only three families learn it: Cloyster, Mamoswine, and Beartic’s.

      Now that we’ve looked at the common moves found in the current meta, lets push more information in your face as we talk about the Pokemon that you’ll end up facing if you choose to battle competitively in the Gen V weather filled metagame. For the sake of the natural selection, we opted to instead go through the OU tier because we’d be talking about everyone. We're not discussing any Legendaries and/or Ubers, because honestly, it's boring. Not to mention we get to talk more about the frozen monsters, Cloyster and Mamoswine. Starting with...

      Cloyster - Gen I


      I mean... he looks like a vagoo to some, but he's still awesome to me

      Shell Smash is broken.
      Now, what TP means to say is that Shell Smash and White Herb together are broken. That, coupled with the fact that Cloyster gets Skill Link and Icicle Spear, makes it quite the wrecking ball. For those who don’t know much about these things, that means in ONE TURN, it will double its Attack, Special Attack, and Speed. Because of white herb, Shell Smash will not lower Cloyster’s Defense or Special Defense. Then, because of the ability Skill Link, any move that normally hits 2-5 times will hit five times 100% of the time. That includes Icicle Spear. An Ice-Type move. Yeah, Cloyster gets STAB on that. For reference, Cloyster already has 95 Atk, 180 Defense, 85 Special Attack, and 75 Speed. He’s outrunning and wrecking everything that isn’t packing some serious defense and special attack. To put this into perspective, this actually makes Cloyster useable in Ubers. If you’re brave enough to risk it, that is.
      Let's not forget that Cloyster is also a perfect utility Pokemon, seeing as it carries the defensive typing of Water to compensate for the Ice typing. While those nasty weaknesses remain common, the bulk will keep it around for some turns regardless of damage output. With both variants of Spikes and Rapid Spin, just think of it as a less diverse but more physically bulky Starmie, which was Cloyster’s claim to fame in the previous generations. In fact, because of its strength and defensive capabilities, it has remained fairly high on the competitive pooling since its debut way back the Game Boy days. Granted, who would even want to think of defense when you could just destroy your opponents team with the setup above? Fucking Shell Smash...
      Mamoswine - Gen IV

      I don't know what the mask thing is all about, but damn them tusks

      This tank of a motherfucker just doesn’t know when to quit, and I think it’s pretty bad ass!
      Literally the sex. Piloswine was meh, but Mamoswine brought it up to a whole, notha’, level. Back the days of Gameboy, this Swinub evolution was rarely ever seen or used aside from the Gym Battle with Pryce. With 100 HP/ATK being his claim to fame, and all his other stats not even reaching 80, Piloswine was considered among the worst fully evolved Ground types. Sure it carried the standard Earthquake but the lack of Ice STAB moves with horrid defenses could only get you so far. (That is, until Eviolite came to play in Gen V) Mamoswine bumped up all its stats, now boasting 110/130 HP and ATK and not-so-horrible 80 SPD, this monster will kill anything. He is the check to standard play. Thundurus-T, Landorus, and Garchomp ruining your day? Well Mamo OHKOs them with the glory that is Icicle Clash. Just slap on a Life Orb and watch it destroy everything in sight. Priority with Ice Shard. Earthquake and Super Power just to see the world burn. This is an offensive beast you don’t want to intimidate.
      All of this pretty legit stuff aside, he does have a few downsides. First of all, his abilities aren’t the MOST useful. Sure, there are plenty of shittier abilities, but Oblivious, Snow Cloak, and Thick Fat aren’t the most versatile. Of the three, I’d personally recommend Thick Fat, just because Mamoswine’s greatness is shone in places besides a Hail Team. Even then, it’s not fantastic considering Mamoswine’s horrendous defenses. 80/60 Def/SpDef are a burden in spite of that 110 HP. Thick Fat helps cover Fire a little, but still, not much. Regardless, his moveset(s) let him stay very versatile; with access to moves like Icicle Crash, Ice Shard, EQ, Superpower, Stealth Rock, Endeavor, Stone Edge, and much more, he fits well even in Ubers if you’re so bold. He’s easy to check with Fighting/Fire moves (which are oh-so-prevalent in OU), but when he hits, he hits HARD.
      Ice-Types That Save Our Melting Hearts
      Now if you didn’t think that was biased as hell. Wait till we talk about our favourites. We’ve also kidnapped our good friend Zimphf to talk about his favourites and not-so-favourites as well. Being the egotistical fuck that I am, I’m starting first.
      jRROs83.png  Glaceon - Gen IV

      So elegant, but so pretty bad

      Initially I wanted to talk about the sexy mammoth of a Pokemon named Mamoswine, until I flipped my “screw the metagame” hipster shades on and went with something below the standard tier of usefulness. Here I would like to talk to you about the most useless Eeveelution there is that isn’t Flareon, where Glaceon, despite being quite terrible in the metagame has got to be my favourite mainly with a design aesthetic. All in all, it’s a simplistic design using a three shades of a powder blue, but the execution of that simplicity is something that I just love about it. The sharp pointed ears, hair and tail are reminiscent of an Ice Queen Archetype. (I’d supply a TVTropes link here...but I’m not that much of an ass) They’re neat and evenly symmetrical to which resemble almost an icicle. Add a “hime-cut” to it and it’s to die for. Now that I have the creepy glares coming my way, I’ll just say that aside from the insanity I just said that all in all I’m a fan of the design.


      Now in terms of competitively using it, that’s another story. Being a Pure Ice Type means you're bound to be in trouble defensively, and need to make up for it with some strengths. Boasting good Defenses (110/95) with rather low HP (60) ensures it will take the initial Stealth Rock without being in too much trouble. Actually, for an Ice Type and an Eeveelution is can surprisingly handle itself quite well. With A LOT of investment in the pisspoor speed (65), it can usefully boast the Special Attack to deal a ton of damage to whatever comes in it’s way. That would mean you’re essentially running Choice Specs unless you’re crazy enough to use this in similar veins of Umbreon. (God bless you, ya crazy bastard)

      Of course this thing would be a monster, if the damn thing had moves. Aside from the STAB Ice Beam/Blizzard and the guaranteed Shadow Ball with Support Moves all Eeveelutions get (Wish/Baton Pass/Toxic), the movepool is really shallow. Due to it’s ability Ice Body, you’re best bet of using it would be in a Hail Team, as due to evasion clause Snow Cloak is banned. Nothing wrong with gimmicky teams (hell, Drizzle/Drought is everywhere in higher tiers), but outside of hail you wouldn’t be seeing much use for it unless you really wanted an Ice type in your team in the lower tiers. Of course, this being me I love me some lower tier fun, so Glaceon just had to be there as my number 1 not named Mamoswine. Now I’m sure Doc has something related to Gen IV so lets have him take the stage.

      Weavile - Gen IV  IPG6U0T.png

      You... You don't look as cool as Sneasel. But I guess I like you anyways

      I’m sorry, but I’m going to pull a ThunderPlant here. As much as he knows about Gen V, he’s still secretly living in the past of the Gen IV meta game. Anyways, hands down, the coolest Ice-type of Gen IV has got to be Weavile. Is he good in Gen V? Ehhhh, not really. But he used to wreck shop, and in the days where I played the meta game my way, and not the right way, he was the coolest mother fucker around. He was my lead on almost every team just to try and OHKO whatever their lead was on turn one, and as many Pokemon as possible afterwards. Did it work often? Sort of. Was it fun as hell? Yeah it was. I always made sure I used my shiny Weavile too, cause that swagalicious dude was pink, and pink is awesome on Pokemon. (Except you, Blissey, go fuck yourself.)


      It makes me sad that Weavile is less of a threat in this generation, because he was always my good ol’ agro anti-lead in Platinum. With blaring speed, stabbing attack, and awe-inspiring coverage, what else could I need? He has 120 Attack and 125 Speed! Forget Swords Dance or priority moves, you’re one of the ten fastest Pokemon in the game (as well as the fastest Ice-type)! What you needed on this bad ass weasel was a nice Ice Punch and Night Slash for STAB, and then coverage with either Aerial Ace, X-Scissor, Brick Break, Low Kick, or if you’re feelin’ especially like a dick, Pursuit to just straight up WRECK whoever tries to run from your towering awesomeness.

      That’s where the good news ends. With only 70/65/85 defenses, a weakness to Stealth Rock, and the now much-more-common Mach Punch, Weavile just isn’t quite cut out for the Gen V meta game. He didn’t get much to improve himself in the way of new moves or an ability either. I know I can’t think of a single move he got in Gen V that’s remotely useable. That means he’s just going to fall into the same old movesets. He’s still stuck with Pursuit, because Pick Pocket (an ability I didn’t know existed until this sentence) is terrible. All it does is steal an item from any Pokemon that makes contact with you. Well, you can’t steal an item if you’re already holding one. He’s just not as great in OU. You can use him, but expect him to dominate UU this time around. You fucked up, Game Freak... *Sigh* You’ll always be glorious to me, Weavile.

      8_0.jpg  Lapras - Gen I


      Zimphf's second choice just so you guys didn't have to read two things on Glaceon

      Lapras is the best Ice type simply cause she is cool. The sole purpose of lapras as a pokemon is to ferry people around on water just because she likes to. Not only that she also has been around since the original 150 and is still awesome. Not much for me to say but Lapras is cool and is one of the few pokemon I always have on my team when I play.

      Lapras was also pretty easy to get in earlier generations. Just rescue Silph Co. from those pesky Team Rocket thugs and he just gives you one. The only one in the entire game. With Special being so awesome and broken in Gen I alongside Lapras’ awesome bulk, this was an incredibly useful Pokemon in your adventure. Then of course, the later generations happened.
      I don’t have too much to say about Lapras. It’s classic as fuck. That’s about it. I’ve used a Lapras on every single one of my Fire Red teams (sans Nuzlocke runs) and I never regretted it. She’s a mean mother with a lot of bulk and standard Ice/Water coverage. Can’t beat that Surf/Ice Beam/Rest sweeping, yo. As a kid, this Pokemon was one of the bigger parts of my weekend too. Catch this dude on a Friday in Union Cave in Gen II. Then, move on to Saturday where I sit and listen to K.K. Slider... Ahh, good times.
      Ice-Types Ready With Some Freezer Burn
      If you didn’t like that little gush session, feel free to enjoy the Pokemon we just abhor. These dudes bother us in one way or another enough to make us curse slightly more than usual. Enjoy! Or hate it. I mean, we do.
      Beartic - Gen V jRROs83.png

      Is that... Is that tuft his dingle-dangle?

      I honestly want to pick Vanilish as the Ice type on my hate list, but Beartic takes the cake on the mould of uninspired trash. You take an Ursaring and make it a polar bear. Sure you take away some of that raw power for a more balanced setup and take away five points of speed but all you get is one slow Pokemon that will get killed with the greatest of ease.


      Since I tend to favor design (if it wasn’t obvious enough), I cannot stand the icy neck bread. It’s like he’s been too busy saging it up in /fit/ or something. Yes he would be on /fit/ because look at that attack. 110 ATK means he does only his uppers and says fuck to cardio, hence the 50 SPD. But seriously though, that ice bread is the only distinguishing factor that makes Beartic unique, and I can joke as much as I want but in the end, he does look intimidating. Most of the hate on the design however comes from Cubchoo. That tear drop snot is disgusting as all hell.

      Competitively, I’d consider him better off than Glaceon due to the movepool. Icicle Crash, Superpower and Stone Edge ensure that it’ll be a heavy attacker, granted it survives a hit with its rather basic 95/80/80 defenses. I may hate on it but it is quite the powerhouse, as 110 ATK is something quite brag-worthy if not for the fact it was an Ice Type. Swift Swim however does wonders if running a rain team, seeing as its piss-poor speed turns to quite the sweeping monster. However, I have to continue by saying “Why would you ever want this when Mamoswine is so much more sexier. Also, Ursaring is more powerful with more moves and less weaknesses” but now I’m just being a jerk.

      qBl2uXN.png  Dewgong - Gen I


      It sounds dumb, but aside from that top ten Pokemon I hated, I don’t really despise that many Pokemon. It’s not any of that pansy ass “I love all Pokemon equally” crap, but I tend to love all of those strange, yet gimmicky Pokemon. If there’s one thing I like about any Pokemon, then it’s alright by me. So, sure, I don’t really have a strong opinion (and I can’t exactly copy TP...), but here’s a loser I never gave much consideration for: Dewgong.


      Why Dewgong? Well, I just explained that. Read it again, Mr. Illiterate. Dewgong is OG, but she don’t have much goin for her otherwise. Yeah, it’s totally a chick, too. She’s basically been barely good enough for NU ever since Gen I. I don’t exactly blame Game Freak. They took a generic animal, gave it INCREDIBLY boring and flat-line stats, and just made it Water/Ice. Sure, it does what you’d expect a Water and Ice Pokemon to do, but nothing else. That 90/70/80/70/95/70 spread is just... average in every way. Unfortunately, average is not the name of the game in Pokemon. Being average means you’re terrible.

      That aside, there’s just nothing ever cool about Dewgong. You get Seels way too late in most games, you have no reason to really want this Pokemon to begin with, and as a whole, it’s just too bland a topic to go on further about. It’s a bland, blank, boring, blatant excuse to make a generic Water Pokemon, but hey, might as well make it Ice too, right? Right? No. Not even close. Now back to Zimphf on birds.

      Delibird - Gen II  8_0.jpg

      God Zimphf I don't know how you hate this adorable mofo

      Delibird is a stupid pokemon with a stupid concept. First, he looks dumb and all he really does is throw presents at people. Mind you, sometimes those presents actually HEAL your opponent. He’s pretty much the Santa Claus of Pokemon, because they couldn’t let Santa be human in their world; they had to give us this derpy pokemon. Though, one good thing to say about him is at least that means Santa is real in the Pokemon world.
      I’ll admit it. I love Delibird. He’s so freaking adorable, he’s charming, and his mini-game in Pokemon Stadium 2 was pretty sick. But still, he kind of blows. If you recall our Top Dumbest Moves list, you’ll remember Present. That move can HEAL your enemy dammit! And it’s his signature move. To boot, NONE of his stats are higher than 75; that 75 is speed, and everything else dips as low as 45. I guess if you want to make him redeemable, he has Hustle, so physical moves do 50% more damage at the cost of accuracy? I guess? It’s still nothing with an Atk stat of 55... And Ice/Flying? Yeah you fuckin suck, buddy. Enjoy being weak to Fire, Rock, and Electric while resisting NOTHING common in the metagame.
      IT. HEALS. YOUR. ENEMY. What kind of sick logic is that? Crappy bird can’t even learn anything else naturally so enjoy stuffing it with god knows what TMs it learns. Typing of Present? Normal. Delibird? Ice/Flying. It doesn’t even get STAB, and it’s Physical. Granted that means jack shit when his Attack is only 10 base stats below his Special Attack. (55 vs 65. Woooo...) The icing on the cake? 4x weakness to the glorious move Stealth Rocks. Go fuck yourself, you adorable little Santa bird.

      Now that that’s over, it is my pleasure to just mention one of my favorite things: trivia. So here’s some fun facts about Ice Types I considered worth mentioning.


      • 31 Ice types (if you include Rotom and Castform) which encompass 4.78% of Pokemon with 20 unique Ice Moves

      • Generation V introduced the most Ice-type Pokémon of any Generation, with eight and Generation II introduced the least Ice-type Pokémon, with five.

      • Generation I introduced the most Ice-type moves of any Generation, with six and Generation II introduced the least Ice-type moves, with two.

      • HIGHEST:
        • Speed: Weavile
        • SpDef: Regice

        • SpAtk: Kyurem-W

        • Def: Cloyster

        • Atk: Kyurem-B

        • HP: Lapras

      • Ice is the only type that is super effective against Flying-types that doesn't in turn resist Flying-type moves. It is also the only type that can be triply resisted due to Dewgong and Walrein's evolutionary lines having double resistance, as well as the Ability Thick Fat.

      • Articuno was the last Gen I Pokémon to be introduced in the anime, if movies and banned episodes are included (Otherwise, it’s Mew). Articuno is also the only Pokemon who can naturally learn an accuracy detecting and OHKO move with Mind Reader and Sheer Cold. Don’t be a scrub and do this, or else you’ll be on Wikipedia under “The Worst.”

      • Speaking of the anime, Weavile (alongside Lucario and Mime Jr) were showcased in the anime before the Sinnoh season.

      • Mamoswine would have been obtainable in both GEN II and GEN III if it had existed, as it was possible for Piloswine to learnAncient Power in both generations. Mamo and its family are also naturally resistant to all types of weather damage thanks to their typing.

      Final Words

      I love Pokemon trivia. No, seriously. I eat this stuff up. I read it to lull myself to sleep at night, and it works better at keeping my mind at peace than Jigglypuff’s sound ever will. Anyways, it’s about time we wrap up this blog. I have nothing else to say on the matter, and neither does Thunder Plant. I mean, I guess I can’t speak for him, but:
      So now that we’re done with this. Hold the fuck up...FAIRY TYPES? Doc. You thinking what I’m thinking?
      Yeah, that we have nothing even remotely sound to base it off of, but what the hell. While we’re at it, let’s just discuss EVERYTHING about Gen VI! I’m down for huge amounts of theory, hype, fanboyism, and lollygagging. Expect a short, non-stop gush-a-thon. And expect it to be really gay.
      As always if you’re interested in collaborating with us in the near future (and is not named Zimphf), drop us a private message here on Screwattack or through our twitter handles. @Dr_Cool_Guy and @Thunderplant.
      Oh! One more thing! I have, thanks to SSB4 announcement, a list of what I would say are the top 10 Smash Bros stages ever. If you’re willing to completely agree with me in every way, I’d be more than happy to write with you! PM me ASAP so we can get started. Now that we’re done here, hopefully our next blog won’t take an eternity plus one. :D
    • Official Mega Man board game Kickstarter is Mega successful in its first 48-hours

      5 years ago


      Editor’s Note: It should be reported that due to Jasco's licensing agreement with Capcom, it can only deliver games to residents living in North America. 

      If you're curious about how the game plays, basically, it's a strategy game built for two-eight players. One player will be Mega Man, while the rest will play as the robot masters who he must defeat. Some cards will act as power-ups for both sides and others will act as traps and obstacles for The Blue Bomber to over come. Mega Man will also have some extra lives to keep things fair. From the sounds of it, it's pretty faithful to the spirit of the video games. 

      Jasco Games is working with Capcom to Kickstart an all new Mega Man BOARD GAME. That's right, a board game. But it's not JUST a board game, as it also has deck-building card game elements! AND IT'S ALL BASED ON THE FIRST MEGA MAN GAME! What more could you want?!

      It seems incomplete now, but of the $70K they asked for, they've hit over $200K in just two days. If you're interested in backing the project, you'll have to keep in mind that you'll have to pledge at least $70 to get your own copy of the game. But if you have or are willing to spend $140, I suggest you donate enough for the DELUXE pack since you'd getting every single stretch goal (which is potentially several extra game pieces and card sets, which would normally cost an additional $5-$15 each). 

      I took a pretty good look at it from a meta-standpoint. I mean, you all know how much I love Pokemon. Well, that translates to board games and card games and I must say, it looks awesome. Here's what it's most likely going to look like, but check the link below for more info.


      Check them out here: 


      And for any other unanswered questions, Jasco Games did an AMA specifically about the board game here:



    • Top 10 Underappreciated Pokemon

      5 years ago


      DrCoolGuy: Welcome back again, everyone! After talking about the dumbest and coolest moves in Pokemon, we decided we’d finally get down to it: the Pokemon themselves.

      ThunderPlant: With each passing generation a new breed of Pokemon are introduced for players to toy around with, then judged harshly on Smogon to see where they stand on the current metagame. Is it another useless Bug/Flying type in the bunch, or do we have another Garchomp at our hands. However, there are some to be forgotten along the way. Whether it’s a poor movepool, questionable stats or just better alternatives. Hell, even the design is a major aspect when deciding on who can be pitted against the best of the best. (See: Stunfisk) This list is based upon those unappreciated Pokemon, who despite their flaws, need some serious loving.

      Doc: That’s right! This time it’s going to be something a little different (except really not because it’s still a Pokemon Top 10). We’re not talkin’ cool, dumb, awesome, or lame, but just giving a nod to some of the neato Pokemon that deserve it. We chose a middle-ground topic to level everything out for once. But seriously it’s still pretty extreme since holy crap are there a lot of Pokemon. Oh well.

      TP: Of course, with so many Pokemon out there we had to make some restrictions to make our jobs easier. The following rules were implemented so less people are butthurt of our decisions, but more so what I said earlier. (Seriously, count how many of those critters are out there and give me TEN of them that people often forget about.) Ahem. So here are the rules:

      1. If we eliminate the Gen V Uber, OU, and BL tiers, that drops only 99 Pokemon. Then ignoring UU still leaves us with 493 Pokemon; that’s equal to the first four generations combined. So here’s our most important rule: no Pokemon that has EVER been OU (especially in the current meta game) can be on this list. They were loved a lot at some point, so it’s only fair. They also must be UU or less this generation. We have plenty below that to choose from anyways.
      2. To make this fairer for the earlier generations too, no Pokemon from this current generation. So therefore no Black and White Pokemon.
      3. We are looking for redeeming qualities that are often overlooked due to having a superior Pokemon. Delibird and Farfetch’d are useless Pokemon with no redeeming qualities, to provide an example. They have to be a Pokemon that has little fanbase due to that overlooked appeal factor in terms of usage of metagame or hindering factors. But they do still have SOME redeeming quality. They just need a little work, is all.
      4. Don’t see much use even in the main game (for any reason).
      5. Popular Pokemon and legendary Pokemon will immediately be removed from the list. We are looking for the forgotten children in the Pokemon world.
      6. But not actual child Pokemon. No pre-evolutions that get ignored due to not being fully evolved.
      7. Seriously, you’re going to disagree with us. So just sit back and enjoy the ride. This is only our opinion.

      Doc: There you have ‘em. Our way of ensuring these bad dudes are the okay-est of the okay. These guys are the 10 Pokemon that are, for once, just plain outclassed by better Pokemon due to easy-to-see shortcomings. They’re cool mofos and unsung heroes that still kinda suck... a LOT. They fill tiny little niches that aren’t worth anything but a gimmick, but we love em, right TP?

      TP: Says the guy who wanted Tropius on this list...

      Doc: YO HE’S A FUGGIN BANANA TREE DINOSA- But before the actual 10, as you probably guessed, the ones that couldn’t quite make it on the list. The guys with that un-American U, the HONOURABLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTIOOOOONS:


      TP: The version exclusive Pokemon Ruby, Mawile tend to be underclassed when compared to her partner Sableye. The idea of a Pure Steel type wasn’t that much appealing, as Generation III also introduced Registeel in contrast to Sableye’s gimmick of having no weakness. Of course when comparing to a legendary, the legendary Pokemon would usually be better, but Mawile having poor stats just made it worse when comparing it her Regi counterpart and Metagross, the Steel/Psychic pseudo-legendary. I for the life of me will never know why they would think the futakuchi-onna had any relation to Steel but I don’t really care, I like the design of it. Thanks to her steel typing she covers many resistances and is a decent utility Pokemon, which makes the low stats understandable. She has an amazing movepool with a countless amount of abilities, but she can’t harniss them due to that lingering low stat distribution. 85 ATK/DEF being her highest stat is pitiful. Not to mention, her debut in Granite Cave was just dumb, as the Gym Leader of Dewford is Brawly. You should know him as the FIGHTING TYPE SPECIALIST. Something tells me if she had an evolution just for the sake of increasing her stats, she’d do amazing in the upper tiers. Since the existence of a Pure Steel type is just rare, I can’t constitute having her beyond Honourable Mention since the typing is excellent for resistance, which is how Mawile is used (and often might I add) in NU.


      Doc: Yeah I technically have two honourable mentions. Whatever, I do what I want. Besides, it would be a little unfair to choose one over the other. After all, they both kind of faded into obscurity around the same time for the same reasons. Without even looking for too long, it’s easy to see why: we have WAY better Fighting Pokemon at our disposal such as Infernape, Conkeldurr, and Lucario who rock way better movepools and serve much greater purposes. Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan both have solid Attack and Sp Def stats, but their speeds are hardly redeemable. And that’s really ALL they have going for them. The rest of their stats are trash. These guys are just plain COOL though. The reason they’re only honourable mentions is really just because they were kind of popular (and I guess redeemable-ish) in Gen I. After all, you got to choose one for free in the Saffron Dojo. Hitmonchan learns all the elemental punches (although I don’t know why, a special attack of 35 makes me want to vomit) and Hitmonlee boasts the amazing Hi Jump Kick (although back then it didn’t have such great accuracy). So really, as long as they’re a few levels higher, these Pokemon could  wreck shop in the main game and actually be good. Too bad they’re not as good anymore, because these guys are sick. Sorry Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, but you were turned into bad Pokemon.


      Now, without further a scooby dooby doo:


      DrCoolGuy and ThunderPlant’s Top 10 Underappreciated Pokemon


      TP: One of the last non-legendary bird Pokemon you get in Red/Blue (and for you pirates, Green) Dodrio was seen as “a better Fearow”. Better stats all abound with glorious 100 base ATK, whatever happened to this majestic creature of three heads. Truth be told, I MUCH prefer this to all of the birds in Gen I. It learned Tri-Attack, which was a move I always thought was cool back in Pokemon Stadium. Not to mention, a three headed bird is way better than anything else you can put to bat. (Although the eagle that is Braviary does look awesome...nonetheless) Best thing to note: This fucker knows FLY. How does he fly? God if I know...

      Doc: Stealth Rock, guys. Dodrio saw a steady rise in use from Gen I to Gen III, actually being BL at the end of its reign. With a Choice Band, STAB Drill Peck and Flail/Return, it was kind of neat, you know? But then Stealth Rock, Guts, Toxic Orb, and no good moves came and ruined this Pokemon’s parade. It wasn’t doing well as it is, but it can barely get in a worthwhile Brave Bird when there are better Pokemon like Swellow and Staraptor. On the topic of Guts, having no useful ability seriously ruins Dodrio. Come on, Run Away and Early Bird? Oooo and let’s not forget the oh-so-amazing Dream World ability: Tangled Feet. Pass.

      TP: Unfortunately, due to the aforementioned notes above, there isn’t much you can do with Dodrio. Its stat distribution is good enough where it doesn’t warrant an evolution. Guts with this sucker would do wonders, as it would be a more powerful Facade up in your grill in exchange for 25 base Speed. Quick Feet wouldn’t be too horrible of an ability if the damn thing learned any bird variant of Swords Dance/Dragon Dance.


      Doc: Just look at this guy. He’s a dinosaur with bananas growing out of his chin! You know when this dude’s hungry he just bends his mouth down and goes “gum gum gum gum gum.” Although a lot of players dislike his design, I think it’s pretty neat. Dinosaur, check. Leaf wings, check. Bananas that make no sense, sure Game Freak, whatever. In Gen III this guy was pretty rare, but when you found him you stumbled upon a wonderful in-game gem. I love this dude, but he ranks low on the list for actually being useable.

      TP: Damn Tauros and him being OU in Gen I...I mean, Tropius’ main quirk is being an HM Slave, thus able to learn: Cut, Fly, Strength, Defog, Rock Smash, and Flash. Anyways, right from the get-go Tropius was defined as the “poor-mans Exeggutor”. It has a strange spread of stats, where everything sans Speed is lackluster and an even stranger movepool. In his debut, he only had access the SunnySeed movepool, using Sunny Day and Solar Beam with double speed thanks to Chlorophyll. But thanks to an increase of moves throughout the generations and Harvest he has seen more diversity in the metagame. This however is trumped by his typing, as Tropius has the prize of being weak to Fire, Rock, Flying, Ice and Poison. Stealth Rocks crippled any use of it and whatever it can do, Exeggutor is just in front of him.

      Doc: I’ll admit it; I think Tropius is pretty great. Like TP stated, he has access to two great abilities leaving it hard to predict what he may be running early on. He has neat support in Leech Seed and Roost and an otherwise decent move pool. The only way to make Tropius a powerhouse would be the same as changing his very being. Grass/Flying is an interesting type combination that’s hard to come by, and Tropius pulls it off well enough. Sure, we could get rid of that 4x weakness to ice and make him resist stealth rock somehow, but we don’t need another ordinary grass type. We need Tropius. But because of that and being an HM God, he only clocks in at number nine on the list.


      TP: Surprised? Despite being a /b/tard’s dream Pokemon that isn’t named “Gardevoir”, there are things going for this other than being modelled after a Playboy Bunny. (You. Sick. Fucks.) Despite the feminine appearance, it does have a 50/50 chance of being a male, akin to the confusion surrounding Mr. Mine. All that aside, this thing is pretty fast. Boasting 105 base Speed, carrying okay defenses of 65/84/96 and a diverse movepool, Lopunny is a well-known support due to her unpredictability.. The ability Cute Charm is a complete waste, but it’s claim to fame is being the best user of Klutz and Switcheroo.

      Doc: What else does Lopunny do, you may ask. Well... Nothing really... Being a Normal type with average defense and non-existent offenses is honestly pitiful. It’s easy to see why this Pokemon never gets used, as there are so many other Normal types that do everything better than Lopunny. No seriously, name an above average  However, as stated, she does have a sort of niche with Klutz and Switcheroo, allowing her to hide the item she passes on and not take its ill effects. Then attempting to boast Encore, Healing Wish, and Baton Pass, she supports well. That is, assuming you’re the greatest at predicting everything in the Pokemon metagame. Ech.

      TP: Lopunny as mentioned, is a high risk/high reward Pokemon. Most support Pokemon usually dwell on the safe side, stacked with tank-like defenses or a small pool of weaknesses. Lopunny excels in unpredictability, as you are guaranteed to cripple one of your opponent. The ONLY possible way to increase her chances in the metagame would be to increase her stats. She has the movepool and ability to be used in the metagame, and is considerably a better trade off than a Trick User. Maybe give it Wish to add to it’s already large movepool in a SubPass? Yes it has Healing Wish which does something similar, but all I’m asking is for a lil’ diversity.


      Doc: I almost had to beat TP to let Kecleon on the list. Then he realized what a cool concept Kecleon is. For those who don’t know, Kecleon’s ability, Colour Change, changes his type to the type of the attack he was hit with each turn. For example, if hit with Surf, Kecleon becomes a Water type. Then, if hit with Thunder, he will take 2x damage and then become an Electric type. So you probably already see why he’s not amazing. That ability is entirely controlled by the opponent. But really, this can also screw over your opponent. And that’s the last thing you need, because as a Special Wall with a pretty great movepool (since he’s otherwise your typical Normal type) he can really be a bother. Unless you’re packing good coverage, anyone who know when and where to use Kecleon is definitely going to cause you trouble

      TP: Kecleon has two stats going for it: Attack and Special Defense being 90 and 120 respectively. Other than that, Colour Change being his ability can be quite the disadvantage as many physical attackers tend to have more than one move typing. (Not to mention, the increase of Fighting types recently and having mediocre defense equals a bad time to be had) With an astounding number of Normal types in the series, it’s hard to find your ground between the good and bad ones. In the main game, Kecleon was the Sudowoodo of Gen III, as I like to call it. Hindering your path, you need Steven to use Devon Scopes to reveal it’s true colours from it’s camouflaged state. If you choose to catch it, you’re met with Winona, the Flying specialist Gym. It’s level is similar to the Pokemon you’ll face, but by then you should already have your party by now. There isn’t much special going for it, unless you are in dire need of some higher leveled Pokemon in your team. (Shame if you’re not mid 30’s by this point of the game.)

      Doc: All Kecleon really needs is better Defense and some useable Attack stats. While his 40 Speed is downright awful, we can’t expect him to be perfect. He’s meant to wall, so he shouldn’t be sweeping necessarily. His movepool is nice enough, especially since any move can potentially be a STAB attack, and he rocks Recover and Stealth Rock, which is plenty to set up and survive a couple of turns. Having 120 in both defense stats and decent Attack/Sp Attack (let’s say at least 90) he would be awesome. His typing is completely at the mercy of his opponent, and since he can’t have any of the other great abilities, this would be completely justified. Come on Game Freak, give Kecleon an evolution or something to make him everything I want him to be. Chameleons are cool as hell.


      TP: “Wingull is cool, he evolves into Pelistorm” - JonTron 2012. Now that that’s out of the way, Pelipper was one of the many Gen III Water types introduced in the series. He tends to be outclassed by it’s counterpart Milotic for many good reasons, and by Gyarados in terms of typing. But underneath that slew of mediocrity reveals some good things going for it: Defense and Special Attack, being 100 and 85, respectively. Aside from the metagame, where if you have the balls to use it I salute you, it’s found fairly early and is quite useful. Being a good counter to Roxanne and Brawly, it’s quite useful being an early game teammate. Later he can become your Fly/Surf slave if you stopped investing time on him.

      Doc: “Wingull’s only the rarest Pokemon...” - JonTron 2012. This just about sums up why Pelistorm doesn’t see any use. Wingull is, by far, the rarest Pokemon. Because of this, it makes it incredibly hard to find, let alone catch. So for this reason alone he sees limited use; no one has one. Even then, due to his rarity, it takes an extra amount of effort to level up and evolve him. Once he becomes a Pelistorm though, it’s all downhill. But seriously, he’s not all that bad. He just has some really lackluster stats, Electric attacks obviously hurt him, and a weakness to Stealth Rock. It has its good points and bad, but most people neglect it for any of the better options. Pelistorm’s mad cool though.

      TP: “...of all Wingull!” This thing just needs more stats, which could be handled with an evolution. Why is it that Gyarados, it’s only counterpart in terms of typing get 110 more base stats? Pelistorm’s appeal is in defense, in similar vein to Milotic. Give it the ability to not get OHKO’d by Thunderbolt by increasing those defenses. Other than that, from the look of his movepool, although shallow would benefit from the increased stats. A Sub Toxic stall could even be implemented, as it’s unique typing provides much to benefit. Game Freak already gave it some cool toys with Hurricane and Rain Dish, so it’s not in such a bad predicament at this point in time.


      Doc: We’re getting into actual unappreciation now, guys, as Castform is one cool little dude. He has an interesting signature move (Weather Ball), average stats (they’re all 70), and he changes his form based on the weather forecast. Get it? Castform? Anyways, he changes his form and has fanTASTIC coverage. If you try to play a little differently than the norm (which is possible) he can be a tad hard to predict, at least getting in one or two KOs if you’re lucky. He has a lot of potential, really.

      TP: Game Freak stop. What the hell is the point of having a Pokemon with a balanced distribution of stats when the majority of them (sans legendaries) will be under utilized. Mew (and those cute variants) and Arceus pull it off not just because they get 100 (120 for Arceus) stats across the board, but a diverse movepool to boot, so any set could be used for any circumstance. Snorunt and Glalie also suffer from this, but at least they got better with Froslass.  Castform has one thing going for it, a weather gimmick and his signature move, Weather Ball. Sure you can give it the BoltBeam setup known to Starmie and add Sunny Day/Rain Dance, but in the end of the day, it will faint. It has powerful moves and a diverse (and by god is it diverse) attacking movepool, but the stats just...are...so...meh.

      Doc: Unlevel his stats Game Freak. This little bro needs more focus on some Speed and Sp Atk. Then, even with meager defenses and HP, he could absolutely dominate. You would never know what to expect with some decent stats behind this little devil. He could be running Hail, Sunny Day, or Rain Dance, or even Sandstorm if he wanted. Between all those weather effects, that’s easily 6 different types of damage. You’d never be able to predict between BoltBeam, Sunny Solar Beam, Rain and Thunder, and even after all those, he could easily change form via other team members or simply knowing more than one weather move. He just needs to Sp Atk and Speed to back it up, otherwise Castform is cool. Plus he totally has balls on his chin.


      TP: Surprise, surprise a Gen III Pokemon. This one actually isn’t that terrible. Sure the design is something worth commenting on (This is a kappa, not some stereotypical Mexican who serves your Taco Supreme down in Taco Bell...I think) Anyways, in a similar theme to all the other Pokemon here, Ludicolo’s stats are all above average, totaling in 480. Relatively high Special Attack and Special Defense give it a nice niche alongside it’s fellow bulky water counterparts like Swampert. Not to mention, it’s part Grass typing just makes it fabulous in Rain Dance teams.

      Doc: Ludicolo suffers from a very weird problem, if you will. I guess the easiest way to put it is as follows: people hate him. I don’t know what it is, but Ludicolo can work wonders on certain teams when setup properly. Sure, his stats aren’t amazing; 100 Sp Def is cool and all, but when backed by only 80 HP and 70 Def it really fails to last long. However, this can easily be supplemented by Rain Dish, Leech Seed, and Giga Drain. Sure, he’s not amazing by any means, but he’s definitely interesting and unique. This is basically the definition of underappreciated, guys. He’s even got just the right resistances and coverage to survive a short while in ubers. The only, and I mean only thing limiting this Pokemon are his stat alignments. But he is still good and can be used, so here he is arbitrarily placed at #4. Suck it.

      TP: It’s not that Ludicolo is bad, it’s just he’s difficult to be placed in a team in comparison to it’s cousins. With so many Water types, a large majority being the bulky variants. It’s hard to see what needs to be changed without trampling on others along the way. Although the stats are not too bad, with all the toys he gets after each generation, he just needs more spotlight. Rain is Ludicolo’s playing ground, and there has been a multitude of set ups because of it, but with/without it, depending on setup he’s dead meat. Nonetheless, with a Rain Dance team (which is one of the more popular gimmick teams might I add) Ludicolo reigns among kings to the point where he even has a moveset made for Uber territory. Uber, thanks to Kyogre. The tier known for the banned Garchomp and legendaries. Dude just wants a little more loving behind that sombero.


      Doc: I like Kingler. He has a really interesting design and can hit incredibly hard with base 130 Attack. Fortunately, he can also take some hits with 115 Defense. However, if you hit this king crab (Ooooooooh now I get it) with any special attack, it’s cooked. It’s Sp Attack is unsalvageable and a base 75 Speed isn’t exactly impressive. He has potential to boost it and the Attack to back it up, but you better hope he lives long enough for you to even set up. He’s a classic, but he might just stay that way. He’s really faded away among much better Pokemon.

      TP: Even Ash ignored you after the Elite Four. Kingler, although carrying a massive physical Attack and Defense is hindered by his lack of moves. You would think that the Gen IV attack split would have made Kingler a force to be reckoned with, seeing as he possesses Agility to boost that 75 speed to sweeping levels. However, it’s pitiful special defense can even get him killed by powerful Fire/Ice attacks, which is sad considering that he is supposed to resist them. Crabhammer, Rock Slide, X-Scissor, Return. Double Edge. Those are all of Kingler’s possible physical attacks. I know he has Giga Impact but who uses Hyper Beam variants nowadays sans Slaking. Oh and Superpower, which is a BIG NO-NO considering it lowers it’s BEST STAT. >mfw he doesn’t even have Waterfall. Imagine Kingler going “COOOOKIIIIIEEEEEEE” as he traverses up a waterfall.

      Doc: He... He seriously doesn’t even learn Waterfall...? You guys wanna know how to improve Kingler? Just give him more moves. That’s it. He’s got a nice Attack and Defense, we can’t expect his speed and special defences to be good. He can’t have all good stats. We’ve gotten away from that. What he really needs is an interesting-enough move pool. Some priority moves would be swell; and moves that take advantage of his Dream World ability, Sheer Force, could slowly help Kingler rise from the depths of the tier list. (TP: lol Aqua Jet Kingler) I mean, he’s a bad ass crab. I wanna use him on my team and not hate myself afterwards.


      TP: “Two? That’s cheating!” Well our list, and these guys are pretty much the same. Both support a respectable 495 base stat total (same with all fossil Pokemon) and are the fossils of Gen III. But in comparison to the likes of the originals or new breed, they are hardly the talk of the town. Sure Steven carries both in his team, but the spotlight is usually the original three. However, they’re not completely ignored in NU. Cradily provides an excellent support with high defense stats with it’s new ability Storm Drain, or provide sweeping potential with Suction Cups boosting it’s 81 Attack stat with either Curse or Swords Dance. Armaldo seen as a more appealing option, where he is defined as the NU Rapid Spinner, and in addition to Swords Dance is able to boost that 125 Attack even further. Both Pokemon are similar in their roles as support, but have the underlying ability to sweep the NU tier.

      Doc: There is next to no reason for these guys to be unnoticed. Well, I guess there is, but still. They differentiate themselves from the rest of the fossil Pokemon with a nice change of design. Cradily has a pretty nice stat distribution that covers a lot of different areas; he’s all-around pretty sweet. He has the gusto to run support, a mono-attacker, and even run a swords dance set. That’s really all worth saying though. The sad fact remains that, because of this, none of his stats specifically shine to give him a good standing: a jack of all trades, if you will. Armaldo can run some similar sets, but he’s much more focused on Attack and sort of defense. His 75/100/80 HP/Def/SpDef spread is almost solid for taking a few hits (and his Rock/Bug typing certainly helps a bit). He is unfortunately plagued by incredibly slow speeds, which kind of ruins the illusion of a good wall. He can take hits, yes, but he can’t take HARD hits. A strong neutral STAB attack (i.e. Brave Bird or Close Combat) will do him in pretty quickly. Also, Armaldo has a Stealth Rock weakness, so if he comes into Stealth Rock to Rapid Spin, you’re at a loss. And seriously, I thought he was cool til I realized his eyes weren’t those cool red things on his head. Dammit.

      TP: It’s obvious that Armaldo and Cradily are the more hard hitting or defensive fossils that we've come to known. (Alongside Omastar, the Gen IV fossils and Carracosta) It’s not the stats hindering their play in the metagame, neither the movepool either. They just weren’t given the similar spotlight in comparison to other fossils. Fossils were optional in R/S/E, either found in the sand or Mirage Tower. You could go the majority of the game without seeing them, where either some random trainer will have it or you’re facing Steven at the end of your main quest. It’s a damn shame because Cradily has my favourite appearance as a fossil. (Armaldo as well if it weren’t for his eyes would be up there as well.) Gen III introduced many underappreciated Pokemon, but you would think as an exclusive group like fossils that they would be seen in a greater light. The OG Aerodactyl, Kabutops and Omastar rule the fossils with an iron fist, and everyone else is behind the limelight of those three giants.


      Doc: Given the previous nine Pokemon listed, you all must have known this one was coming. In a game ravaged by legendaries and Dragon Pokemon, Garchomp really fades into obscurity. Although being a Dragon, his Ground typing doesn’t really help him. Ice types ruin any chance Garchomp has to sweep, and the overabundance of Ice Pokemon in the game make him nearly unplayable. His 95/85 Def/SpDef make him subpar for taking more than a few hits. And his low 80 Sp Atk leaves him incapable of dishing them out. It doesn’t necessarily help that Gen V gave him no new toys to play with either. Sand Veil was already a relatively worthless ability, since no one really uses Tyranitar or Sandstorm anymore. And Rough Skin as a Dream World ability is alright, but physical moves are probably going to 2HKO if not OHKO Garchomp. It’s not really worth the 12.5-25% total damage. And that’s assuming they even use physical attacks. Sure, 130 Attack and 102 speed are swell to try and make a  comeback, but not if he can’t back them up with the right moves.

      TP: Garchomp possess a rather shallow movepool, as it’s later cousin Haxorus proves it. With such physical prowess, one has to decide having Swords Dance or Dragon Dance. Unlike Haxorus who can favor both, Garchomp needs to choose one if holding a Life Orb/Berry setup. Oh, and don’t get me started on Choiced setups. Outrage? That confuses you after a few hits. Earthquake? Say hello to Levitate and god knows how many flying types holding Ice Beam. It’s a wonder how he’s in Uber with so many Pokemon that fit the above criteria (namely Latios/Latias) Fire moves to check against those Ice types? Stone Edge? Why do you hate accuracy so much to have that move? It takes two to kill Lugia after Stealth Rocks damage, granted if it didn’t kill you already. Fire Fang? LOL WHO THE FUCK USES FIRE FANG?! Mamoswine would eat those any day and just counter like the beast he is. Do you know what Gen V gave Garchomp? Dragon Tail. No comment there.


      Doc: Dude.... TP... Garchomp is OU, ya noob.

      TP: Yeah....I think we should actually start talking about number 1.


      Doc: Now I hope this actually comes as a surprise to some. It really shouldn’t though. Who’s the cover Pokemon for Nintendo? Pikachu. Who was on a limited edition Game Boy Color, N64, AND 3DS? Pikachu. Who’s Ash’s main Pokemon in the anime? Obviously Pikachu. Raichu is not underappreciated because there are better Pokemon (well, that too...) but because he lives in the incredibly large shadow of his pre-evolution. The sad part is, Raichu is (for the most part) better than Pikachu. Sure, Pikachu can use Light Orb, but then it’s still slightly slower than Raichu. Raichu is an awesome Electric type to run on any Gen I team, as he’s moderately fast and has a nice Sp Atk. Getting a Pikachu early on certainly helps too. There’s not much to say about Raichu, but it’s certainly unfair that he’s forced to live in the shadow of the really not-so-great Pikachu, you know?

      TP: Pikachu has Light Orb, which makes it stronger than Raichu in both Physical and Special Attack. Not to mention, if for some reason you want a defensive Pikachu Gen V gives you Eviolite, which although doesn’t match Raichu’s okay defenses makes it pretty damn close. Don’t get me wrong, Raichu is theoretically better, with his movepool being so diverse he can even run a Support set up with such moves as Encore, Wish, Knock Off, Tickle, etc. His claim to fame is to sweep, sporting 90/90 Attacks and 100 Speed and having Nasty Plot in his disposal. But his greatest asset is also his biggest weakness. He’s not as fast or powerful in comparison to other NU/RU sweepers, and will die with ease thanks to it’s low physical defenses and lack of resistances. Raichu is the “Jack of All Trades, Master of None” as evidently shown. He may be able to pull many setups, but in the end of the day he’s either out beat by better sweepers/support, or outshined by a Pikachu aiming for Rhydon’s horn.

      Doc: It’s a shame really. Raichu isn’t really expected to be great. He’s a nice in-game Pokemon, for sure, but no one’s really used one since Gen I (or if you count FRLG as Gen III) since they’re kinda tired of Pikachu. He hasn’t changed much, but he has seen some improvements. Static is okay and has always been as such, and he got a slightly better one; Lightningrod in Gen V, so that’s something! With equal Attack and Sp Attack, he’s a great addition to any team as long as he has the usual few-levels-ahead advantage. Dig, Charge Beam, Volt Tackle, Return, Focus Blast, Nasty Plot -- these are all great moves to be had, but in the meta game, Raichu just doesn’t have the necessary stats to really run them well. This is a typical showcase of both being underappreciated in the game due to lacking stats and being underappreciated by the population because of Pikachu’s “greatness” being shoved down your throat. Raichu is definitively the most underappreciated Pokemon.



      TP: So there you have it. Our Top Ten Underappreciated Pokemon. Now, this list is incredibly subjective as what one defines as “underappreciated” is to the eye of the beholder. Now since this is OUR list, we are 100...err...85% sure this is our final answer, as we have mentioned in our introduction. This took the entire month of December to write, and we hope you liked reading on what we thought deserves more spotlight in the meta that is Pokemon. Join us next time as we talk about Pokemon We Hate with a Passion.


      Doc: Actually, TP, before we get on with that, I think it’s only fair that we mention this week’s talk of the town: Pokemon Version X and Y! Like many Pokemon fans, I sure am excited, so I think it would make sense for us to take a minute to actually talk about a Pokemon game on Pokemon Talk. No? Everyone’s tired of hearing it..? Oh... Well... I’m gunna write it anyways, and make it hopefully fun! So, while you can still expect the Pokemon We Hate with a Passion, you’ll sooner see a mini list of:


      The Top 5 Things We’d Like to See in Generation VI!


      TP: Now, since the next topic is much more broad, we wouldn’t mind adding an additional one or two g1s to join us in the next collab. If you are interested, you can find us on Twitter by following: @Dr_Cool_Guy and @Thunderplant.

      Doc: Or if you’re so bold, email me at doctorjustin88@gmail.com, ya buttnuggets.

      TP: You can find me on the g1 forums where I partake in the Signature Request Community, if else both of us are frequently seen on g1 After Dark. (http://tinychat.com/g1afterdark) TILL NEXT TIME...idunfuckingknow.

      Doc: TOP TE-


      Doc: POKEMON. DONE.


    • Top 10 Evil Pokemon

      5 years ago

      Hey all you people!
      Hey all you people!
      Hey all you people won’t you listen to me!
      We just wrote a Top 10! No ordinary top 10!
      A top 10 written with a different buddyyyyyyyyyy!
      Hey, man, you’ve got to read this top 10. It’s no ordinary top 10. It’s the evilest top 10 on the siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite.

      A skibbidy bee ba bop buh ba buh boop boopity bow, yeeeeaaaaah.
      But seriously, my dearest (read: five or so) readers, I brought in a different guest this week. I decided ThunderPlant needed some time off to play mafia and photoshop and do whatever it is he does. Also, someone wanted a guest appearance on Pokemon Talk. Why? I dun fuggin know. Anyways, this person’s one bad dude. I think he saved the President or something once? He’s never once managed to really conquer anything, but it’s the Master of Evil himself: DarkHyruleLord!
      MWAHAHAHAAA!!! I’ve conquered Hyrule, that’s worth something, right? Well regardless, greetings g1s to a new addition of Pokemon Talk, where we shall count down the top ten most evil Pokemon in existence! You know how the world of Pokemon is filled with greedy and selfish trainers who enslave creatures to do their bidding? Well, let’s just say that some of the Pokemon themselves aren’t much better. In fact, much like how the Pokedex gives off dark secrets of these pocket creatures, we are about to show you our top ten most evil Pokemon in existence that put even Giovanni to shame.
      However, we need some guidelines so that we won’t place every Pokemon here. Frankly, nearly all Pokemon are evil one way or another (at least for me). So below are some rules that we agreed on to make this list that much more enjoyable.
      So suck it up and listen, maggots! OhGodI’msosorryIloveallofyou
      1. The following Pokemon are listed simply based on how evil they can be. This means appearance, Pokedex entries, moves, abilities, and anything that from the anime/manga that adds to their evil tendencies.
      2. This has absolutely nothing to do with how good or bad the Pokemon are in the games, we’re not ranking them based on how scarily good they are. Heheh
      3. Along the same lines, we are not discrediting any Pokemon based on its evolution line. If a middle evolution happens to be scary than their last stage, tough luck. Sorry Dusknoir, you’re just not scary. (He’s right.)
      4. These Pokemon are not limited by type. While yes, it could be mostly Dark/Ghost Pokemon, there are other that are pretty damn scary for other reasons. I mean, it’ll probably be tons of dark and ghost types though...
      5. Our list, our rules. Sorry bro.
      With the above rules and the most evil person in Hyrule, what could possibly go wrong? I’ll be your voice of reason and critical Pokemon analysis in TP’s absence. And with some luck, DarkHyruleLord might not conquer my Top 10 and take on every Pokemon Talk afterward. That being sai- POCKET SAND. Er... I mean Pocket Monsters. Actually, I mean honourable mentions:
      Missingno., for those who do not know, was a glitch Pokemon back in the good ol’ days of Red and Blue. I’m really not going to explain the intricacies of the relatively simple glitch though, as most of you will probably know. If not... Godspeed. In short, it allows you to catch Pokemon you wouldn’t normally see in Cinnabar Island, catch Pokemon way above level 100, and mulitply items. The most unique feature of this glitch, however, is seeing a Pokemon named “MISSINGNO.” Literally meaning, missing number, as the game does not know what to do when you get a Pokemon that doesn’t have a Pokedex number between 1 and 151. Why is he evil, you ask? Doesn’t he give you like, a billion master balls and rare candies? Well, yeah. But you know what else he does?! HE ERASES DR COOL GUY’S RED VERSION FILE, CAUSING HIS 5 YEAR OLD SELF TO CRY AND START OVER UNTIL HE ONCE AGAIN GETS ANOTHER LEVEL 100 CHARIZARD (scientifically proven to be stronger than any Pokemon no matter what**). Seriously, if you mess up somewhere (or just do nothing wrong) and catch it, it has the chance to cause game-breaking glitches, and one of the only ways to fix it involves starting over. Fuck you, Missingno.
      **Source: Any 5 year old.
      After some more thought, I do think that Zubat is one evil prick.  However, I think that he is more in the “annoying” area more than the “evil” area, so he didn’t quite make it onto the list. You know where I’m getting at. In far too many of the games in caves, you can pretty much bet that Zubat will be haunting you with random encounters over... and over... and over again. So much to the point that I think Zubats do it just to be a massive troll. If it wasn’t for its ridiculously high encounter rate, then I probably would cut him some slack. I mean, I could see Zubat being captured so that it can be evolved into Crobat for a good sweeper but... ugh. It can use all of these moves at its disposal but it ALWAYS seems to use Confuse Ray again and again just to tick you off even in the wild. It isn’t even worth the bag of XP you get and it is a relatively fast creature (in the earlier stages) so forget trying to run away. Zubat was the one Pokemon that started the economic drive for Max Repels, which is saying a lot.
      Just like those two, these guys are scary, mean, evil, gross, maniacal, and seek pleasure in pain. They’re...

      Dr. Cool Guy and DarkHyruleLord’s Top 10 Evil Pokemon

      #10  Shedinja
      Shedinja really has us off to a creepy start. You get a Shedinja by allowing a Nincada to evolve with an empty slot in your party. So really, Shedinja can be thought of as Nincada’s discarded shell. An empty corpse. Its Ruby Pokedex entry states, “Shedinja's hard body doesn't move - not even a twitch. In fact, its body appears to be merely a hollow shell. It is believed that this Pokémon will steal the spirit of anyone peering into its hollow body from its back.” It’s an shell that just floats around, essentially as a zombie Pokemon. It’s dead. Really dead. So dead it steals your soul? I don’t even want to think about what that might be like.
      While that idea is most unsettling, it really is very dangerous to keep around a thing like that.  After all... doesn’t YOUR soul technically get stolen if you have one since you see Shedinja’s sprite of his backside? You can imagine the amount of souls it has stolen if you think about the number of Shedinja users... *shivers*. But I don’t have to worry about it since I’m pretty sure I don’t have a soul to steal to begin with. >: ) However, Shedinja is only #10 on this list since it doesn’t MEAN to steal souls... it’s just what it is. I mean, if you were some creature that was born with poison skin, it’s not like it’s your fault that those that touch you can get poisoned. In other words, it isn’t malicious and doesn’t have the intention to steal souls... at least from as far as we can tell.
      #9  Ninetails
      Ninetails is a fox Pokemon (and is a fire type) that is known for it’s nine tails (hence its name), it’s ghostly white-goldish fur, and its red gleaming eyes (evil much?). Red version’s Pokedex describes Ninetails as “Very smart and very vengeful. Grabbing one of its many tails could result in a 1000-year curse.” Ruby version’s Pokedex describes “Ninetales casts a sinister light from its bright red eyes to gain total control over its foe's mind. This Pokémon is said to live for a thousand years.” Needless to say, this Pokemon is rather powerful and isn’t one to be messed with. I mean, a 1000 year curse?  That’s a bit overkill there, buddy. But that’s not the end of it if you look behind more of the Pokemon’s background to see why Ninetails is truly evil.
      Ninetails is one Pokemon that does not play games. Seriously, one time I bought her an N64 with Star Fox 64 and everything. What did I get? 1000 year curse. What a bitch. But really, ninetails is based off of a kitsune (Japanese word for fox), which are notoriously known for being tricksters. They gain tails as they become older, more wise, and more devious, they gain tails (up to nine total). So really, Ninetails is the most wise any kitsune can be, and she is proud of those nine tails she has. So proud she’ll pretty much ruin your everything for so much as touching them. Ninetails clocks in so low on the list, though, since it really only hurts in sort of self-defense. Kinda.
      #8 Gyarados / Hydreigon / Ursaring
      We do it again. I do this every time. It’s really hard to narrow down 10 Pokemon every time, and even so, it’s more difficult to rank incredibly similar Pokemon. This is one of those cases. These guys all have one thing in common: destructive rage. Instead of going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about what their Pokedex entries say, I’ll gladly sum them up for you! Gyarados (my favorite of the three, therefore he gets the image) is always mad, and when he sees, well, anything, he decides to level entire cities and kill millions. Hydreigon, while flying around with three separate streams of consciousness attacks anything it sees moving until death. What a prick. Ursaring is just a mad grumpy bear that doesn’t like anything. He’s essentially Winnie the Pooh plus a destructive other bear. Yeah. Analogies. I’m good at those.
      We chose these three since they basically hyper beam (or kill) anything within sight. Gyarados was the one that started it. Simply put, don’t mistreat it when it is a Magikarp, because it will remember it and probably Dragon Dance over your corpse. I recall Gyarados also trying to destroy a city... because it was pissed. Ursaring is just as bad, though. There is a reason why this grumpy bear has warning signs around its territory... and that’s because it will hyper beam your face off. Hydreigon just needs anger management, since it is a Dragon that is so angry that it will attack anything that moves. I would hate to think how it manages to find a mate. Even though all of these Pokemon attack on sight, they aren’t quite as evil as others since there usually is some sort of excuse other than bad hormones. After all, they seem to be extremely territorial and nature just made them that way. Can’t blame one like Ursaring that badly when Teddiursa is pretty much easy pickings in the wild. You need some sort of fear in that regard.
      #7 Mandibuzz
      Mandibuzz is a vulture pokemon (and a Dark/Flying type) that has black and grey feathers, has a rather... sinister smile, is always a female, and wears a bone as if it’s a hair piece.  Black version’s Pokedex entry mentions that “It makes a nest out of the bones it finds. It grabs weakened prey in its talons and hauls it to its nest of bones.” OK, I know that vultures aren’t exactly the most polite creatures that gather up food. I mean, they prefer to eat dead flesh after all. However, Mandibuzz over here seems to ENJOY hunting out weak critters for fun (and possibly torturing them as well if I had to bet since it’s a dark type).  But that’s just the beginning.
      Mandibuzz is one creepy mother. Like actually. It's only ever female and is creepy as Game Grumps Rule 34. Not only does it make a nest of bones, but it preys on the weak and the innocent for its own gains. Last I checked, that’s actually in the definition of evil ruler. This bird goes so far as to decorate itself with others’ bones. As if it wasn't intimidating enough! Do I really need to say anything else at this point? It eats, sleeps, lives, breeds, and raises children in THE CORPSES OF ITS ENEMIES. Or even just injured Pokemon chillin in some grass. Why don’t you let that little guy heal up? Nope. Eat that sumbitch. Like, what the hell, man. If there was ever a top ten rudest Pokemon, you can expect Mandibuzz up there. It just... creeps the hell outta me, ya know? To think there’s something like this just soaring through the skies, and on my travels, I just see a nest. There she is. A Mandibuzz. Just... standing there... MENACINGLY.
      #6 Houndoom
      Don’t even kid yourself. When you saw that we were making an evil Pokemon list, you thought of this bad ass canine. Houndoom, while not coming til Gen II, really spawned the evil Pokemon thing. While there are some Gen I Pokemon on this list, their evil really comes from existing for so long and new information being revealed. Ninetails was a trickster that caused curses, Mandibuzz uses bones, but Houndoom straight up runs this place. Several Pokedex entries state that “These Pokémon choose their leader by fighting amongst themselves.” (R/S) and that “Upon hearing its eerie howls, other Pokémon get the shivers and head straight back to their nests.” (FR) This reeks of badassery and shows that Houndoom doesn’t mess around. But these aren’t entirely evil. You know what is? Multiple entries mention that if you ever piss it off, it will breathe fire on you. If you’re burned, it is said that it will hurt forever. Houndoom will wreck. Your. Shit.
      Even if you didn’t know about all of that information up there, you just have to look at it to KNOW it is evil. It looks like some kind of hellhound on steroids with black and red skin with bones on its back. He also has horns. HORNS! How many Pokemon actually have horns? ...wellactuallyalot but there’s no denying that it pretty much looks like a demon, or the closest thing we'll get to a demon. (Even though its stats aren't fantastic). I always did try to get one the moment I saw a Team Rocket member (who else?) use one. And that was just on looks alone.  I’m going on the record of saying that I would totally want Houndoom as a pet right beside my evil throne.
      #5 Drifloon
      Drifloon is a Ghost/Flying type that pretty much looks like a purple balloon with two stringy legs. HeartGold’s and SoulSilver’s Pokedex entries state that “It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing.”  That’s... awfully disturbing. Especially considering the fact that... oh, I dunno... parents let their ten-year-old kids run loose to go catch these critters? But do you know where they are taking them and why they are doing it? The answer is even more disturbing, and it can’t help but remind me of psychotic killers when you find out the answer. Not only that, but it steals away children. It’s certainly setting up a good example so far. I hope it's proud.
      Drifloon gets some real points for creativity. It just floats around and tries to swoop down and catch children? That’s some crazy thinking right there. The only problem is, and the reason Drifloon isn’t any higher is, well, it’s not very good at it. Being such a light Pokemon (essentially the weight of a helium-filled balloon), it often just gets grabbed by said children and is unable to fly away. But it’s the thought that counts, right? No? Didn’t think so. Sure that’s pretty gosh darn evil, I must say, but it’s not a successful evil mastermind by any means. It’s hard to be intimidating when the slightest gust of wind carries you away.
      #4 Duskull

      Duskull. Just look at this cute little fucker. I love this guy. He’s way better than Shuppet/Banette ever will be (proven by the fact that he got an extra evolution and Banette didn’t). And even though he may look cute as all hell, well, he may actually be from Hell. Its Emerald Pokedex entry states that “A glare from its single scarlet eye makes even burly grown-ups freeze in utter fear. It is a nocturnal Pokémon that roams about under the cloak of darkness.” And the Platinum entry doesn’t help by adding “It loves the crying of children. It startles bad kids by passing through walls and making them cry.” He looms over children just to steal their souls for fun. And just looking it in the eye is enough to strike fear in the bravest of men? I know I don’t wanna mess with Duskull.
      Duskull had to have had done something (try saying THAT five times fast) in order to inspire fear in the hearts of men like that. My guess is that, since there is no actual Grim Reaper that I know of in the Pokemon realm, Duskull essentially IS a Grim Reaper. That’s right.  Every single one of them is a spawn of pure death. (Perhaps Game Theory could get behind this? Doc: Oh, I’d be so honored.)  It still wouldn’t be too evil though, especially if that’s just its unfortunate job, but NO. It seems to take PLEASURE from this... haunting children particularly!  It’s like some evil devil that likes to go around, probably abuse its power, and  play pranks on children for the joy of it.  How evil do you have to be to enjoy hearing children cry? Apparently as evil as Duskull is.
      #3 Gorebyss
      Gorebyss is a Water-type that resembles a pink eel with a thin body and some clams on its belly for whatever reason. It looks innocent enough... until Dr. Cool Guy showed me how you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Sapphire’s Pokedex entry states that “Although Gorebyss is the very picture of elegance and beauty while swimming, it is also cruel. When it spots prey, this Pokémon inserts its thin mouth into the prey's body and drains the prey of its body fluids.” This reminds me far too much of other mythical creatures such as sirens/mermaids that use their looks to fool their prey to their watery grave.  Add that to a Pokemon that is probably the closest thing to a leech Pokemon, and you have a winning combination for one sinister creature.
      This. Gorebyss. She’s an evil monster. I had her at #1 before I found out otherwise. She even has the word gore in her name. Gross. She makes you think you’re all safe and sound as she swims by just before revealing evil intentions. She only sees you as food and she makes sure you realize everything you ever knew was a lie at the moment of your death. Gorebyss is that kind of girlfriend that you kinda like cause she’s pretty and kinda harmless. As you spend time with her you find out you have a ton in common and she’s actually pretty great. You buy her tons of expensive gifts, take her out to nice places, and you have so much fun. After a few years, you decide to propose one day and instead of saying yes, she DRAINS THE FLUIDS FROM YOUR BODY, THEREFORE KILLING YOU. LINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Seriously, what a bitch.
      #2 Mewtwo
      Everybody knows who Mewtwo is. He’s a vicious genetic clone of Mew that was born without a heart. He’s been the main antagonist in two movies, which speaks volumes of his evilness, and he’s done some of the worst things imaginable in the world of Pokemon. He cloned a butt ton of Pokemon in the first movie, forced them all to fight each other, and then TURNED ASH TO STONE AND MADE POKEMON CRY. He made Pokemon, creatures that casually fight to the (sort of) death on a regular basis CRY. That’s evil as all hell, man. He even made little Dr Cool Guy cry at the ripe age of like, 6. Honestly, there’s nothing more for me to add.
      He is pretty much an actual Pokemon dictator. Not too surprising since he was Giovanni’s pet for the longest time. He abuses his powers to brainwash people to do his bidding just to scare powerful trainers into making him his master and such. He has a machine that makes evil clones with... creepy markings on them (that I guess signify that they are more powerful than normal ones). Oh, and they also do his bidding without question, too. If it wasn’t for Ash, the machine probably would also absorb the souls or kill them off or some other freaky thing that shouldn’t be in a movie for kids. Then Mewtwo later is like “Oh crud, Mew is actually more powerful than me,” and then makes a lazy excuse that he’s learned his lesson when he probably just retreats to think up of some other evil scheme. Worse yet though, is that he ERASES the memories of those that were there in order to rewrite history. Sound familiar?  It should because dictators and some of the more brutal people of this earth erased records or burned books. King Leopold II of Belgium caused the deaths of millions in the Congo just for the wealth he obtained from the rubber. He later burned books and records of it in order to have people to forget about it. While Mewtwo didn’t kill millions, not many other Pokemon in that realm actually try to attempt murder to get power. And then Mewtwo tries to erase that from history? Not cool, dude.
      Just... -sniff- God dammit, Mewtwo... No one’s more evil-hearted than you... Wait. Except uhhh, someone who’s actually caused harm to a LOT of people. That’s right, the most vicious Pokemon of them all.
      #1 PIKACHU
      Didn’t expect Pikachu, did you? Yep. That little plump, yellow-furred battery used is the most evil Pokemon in existence... No... this isn’t some joke like you would put Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker at the #1 spot for the best Sega Genesis game before putting the real number 1 up. We are very serious! Although actually... PORYGON was going to take the number one spot until Dr. Cool Guy did a little bit more research. You know where I’m going with this... the Seizure Episode. For those that don’t know or forgot, here is a quick refresher: there was one episode in the first season of the Pokemon cartoon where there was a scene that caused hundreds of kids to get seizures in Japan when it first aired and quite a few actually ended up going into the hospital. Needless to say, it was banned from air for all time and it nearly killed the cartoon to boot, too. We first thought that Porygon caused the blue-and-red flickering that caused the seizures but NOPE. It was Pikachu all along with his thunderbolt. A Pokemon that harms children in real life deserves the number one spot for being the most evil Pokemon of all time, no questions asked. It’s beyond rude that Pikachu still gets the spotlight for being the poster boy for the Pokemon series. But ohhhhhhhh boy. There’s so much more to say.
      Pikachu. Where do I begin? You caused 685 Pokemon lovers to have to go to the hospital, two of which stayed for a couple of weeks. Why Pikachu? All they ever did was LOVE you. They put you on the face of games, consoles, handhelds, backpacks, posters, and everything Pokemon, and THIS is how you repay them? You make me sick. Not only this, but have you seen the first episode of Pokemon? He refuses to ever go into his Pokeball from the get go, shocks Ash just for fun and basically calls him stupid through Dexter (Ash’s Pokedex). What a fucker! Not to mention he’s too fuckin proud to even evolve. This is basically limiting Ash and everyone else around him, dragging everyone down. So let’s sum everything up. He lusts to be on everything Pokemon related even though he sucks. He’s greedy for attention and he’s too lazy to even listen to his trainer at the beginning. If even his trainer does something that even slightly angers him? Zap. He’s envious of the rest of Ash’s Pokemon, thus makes sure he stays with Ash the most. And he’s just too damn proud to even evolve for the sake of everyone else. That’s right. Pikachu basically (sorta almost) embodies the SEVEN DEADLY SINS.
      And there you have it people. Pikachu is basically the devil. I think that’s a uhh... Pretty solid case for being the most evil Pokemon. Some nice logic in there. Ignore the fact that I may have sort of possiblykindsortabullshit some reasons and maybealittlestretched some reasoning for those reasons... Uhh... Yeah. Sorry. He’s still an evil prick for hospitalizing people ANYWAYS. I hope everyone enjoyed our list, and again, thanks to Darkhyrulelord for joining me! It was nice having you on Pokemon Talk!
      My pleasure. Even though some of these reasons are stretched (mostly for humor’s sake), it still is a bit unsettling that children go around trying to capture these things.  Make sure to check out Dr. Cool Guy’s other blogs too since they’re highly enjoyable.
      And give this bro a follow on twitter, if you will, at @darkhyrulelord of course. And you can find myself at @Dr_Cool_Guy and doing these lists every couple of weeks. Thunderplant will be back next time along with our super secret special guest for, as you know hopefully...

      The Top 5 Things We’d Like to See in Generation VI Which is Now Kinda Dated Because Wow Writing These Takes a Long Time with Three People!

      So thanks again!
    • Top 10 Dumbest Pokemon Moves

      6 years ago



      My friends and I have been playing a lot of Pokémon this last summer. In fact, we might have been playing a little too much. While sitting around one day the thought crossed my mind, “holy crap, there are some really stupid moves in Pokémon.” Now I already know what you’re thinking, “meh meh myeah, Pokémon and complaining and complaining about Pokémon brah blah bleh.” It sounds so uncouth to be using the word “dumb” in this title (let alone repeatedly in this article), but really, there isn’t a much better word. Besides, it’s relatively fun to say! So expect to hear that “dum-buh” word drastically more than you’d like to read in this Top 10. To those… well, basically five g1s who know I exist, here’s my top 10. My first Top 10. My first blog. Let’s hope it’s not just as dumb as these moves. Thank Arceus that I have another Pokemon Master by my side. One who has conquered multiple Pokemon Leagues, obtained over 40 badges, and captured hundreds of Pokemon!!!!!


      Actually, that fits just about anyone who’s played all the main Pokemon games. So here’s Thunderplant.


      TP: As the title (made by me; go to the Sig Request Thread if Screwattack ever gets a forum to get amazing digital work by a collection of talented g1s /shamelessplug)suggests I am here to collaborate on the Doc’s list to make sure it’s all Smogon friendly. Well up until recently I’ve been fairly up to date with the competitive scene, where I would often battle my friends in mixed battles to see who is the smarter (and legit) cheater. Suffice to say I didn’t win a lot, because a competitive Asian who can recite the Hidden Power Calculator will triumph me any day of the week. (It also didn’t help that my team was primarily sweepers, with little support which usually ran with both Gyarados and Milotic for their attacking/defending purposes) For the other friends who would join in on this competitive nonsense, they ran rather strange sets. One specifically with three Special Attacking Dragoni-Anyways, with all that aside, there needs to be a few guidelines in order for all 559 (dafuck is a “Shadow Move”) main game moves to be judged upon. So let the numbered points begin!  



      DrCoolGuy: But first of all, it’s worth noting that these are moves that we find to be incredibly stupid. These are not moves that we or anyone else consider useless, bad, inferior, or much else but mind-boggling. There are moves from every generation that, when you see them, just make you think, “What in the hell was Game Freak thinking? That’s just… dumb!” They just kind of make us mad. In light of this, it’s important to set some ground rules. We’ll be sure to explain each move for those not super-well-acquainted with Pokémon.

      1.       Each move must be considered horribly horrible and dumbity dumb in its own right as well as compared to other moves, because, come on, we’re going to make those comparisons. This simply means that a move is not fit for this list only due to the fact that it is outclassed by another. For example, Ember is worse than Flamethrower (in having lower base power), but that does not make it a dumb move. On a similar note, Fire Blast is not allowed if the only reasoning is that Flamethrower has better accuracy. While this alone cannot be a reason for a move to be on this list, in tandem with other reasons, I say it should be justified.

      2.       An attack must be considered unusable in nearly every form of the game. It must have next-to-no place in the main game, meta game, as well as any other way of playing the game that exists.

      3.       Similar to the previous ruling, an attack need not do damage to be considered useful. This list caters to every kind of play style: aggressive, defensive, and more. For example, sometimes I like to believe that if it does not do damage, it’s useless in main game. However, even I cannot deny how amazing a move like Baton Pass is.

      4.       These moves will be looked at in every way possible. From the Pokémon that learn them, their own effects, how they work with certain abilities/items, the generation they came from, and how they’ve changed – it’s all fair game to show these moves for their true types.

      5.       Any move will try to follow as much of the criteria as possible. However, rules will be bent because hey, some have to be worse than others, and Game Freak isn’t that bad at making Pokémon attacks.


      DrCoolGuy: Above all else, relax and enjoy the ride. These are just moves TP and I found to be really, really, really, really, really (that’s five reallys!) dumb. It’s for fun; we’ll have some laughs because, in all seriousness, these moves are just terrible (and really, I just kind of hate them). I’m bound to miss something here and there, or someone will point out something they think I did wrong anyways. At that moment in time, please aim your internet-pitchforks at TP. I’m also bound to break my own rules, probably. I have TP here to keep us in check, but come on, can we trust him? Well, I hope that’s cool with e’erbody. Now, on to the Pokémon League List Area Plateau Place Thing!

      Honourable Mentions

      Feint (NORM/PHYS)

      PP - 10

      Power - 30

      Accuracy - 100%

      TP : Introduced in Generation 4, this move was a response to those who spammed Protect or Detect all game long. Originally introduced with 50 base power but nerfed to 30 in response to Technician. “Aside from the nerf, that doesn’t sound half bad TP. I hate it when [Insert Name Here] would just use that only to have Speed Boost in effect” you might say. Well it ONLY does damage if Protect/Detect were used. You have to OUT METAGAME your opponent for this move to be used.

      What Pokemon archetypes usually run with Protect? Well walls and toxic stalls of course. What types are they normally? Normal. Water. Rock. Steel. Ground. Poison. Then on God’s green earth why the hell is this even a NORMAL type move. Almost a half of the Pokemon who learn this move having FIGHTING as a type. This attack was purely meant to punish walls, yet it doesn’t even do it’s job right. The power nerf I’m not too butthurt about, but when your attack ONLY works when your OPPONENT casts the right move, then you’re doing something wrong. Maybe have some sort of punishment for guessing wrong akin to Struggle? Maybe DOUBLE the damage if used correctly. Either way, just make it do damage regardless.


      Dragon Rage (DRAG/SPEC)

      PP - 10

      Power - Set to 40

      Accuracy - 100%

      DrCoolGuy: Yo. This move is straight, y’all. Or whatever kids these days are saying. I hate to admit it, but yeah, this move is actually okay. It’s an honourable mention just because it kinda irks me for two very simple reasons: Generation I and II. It was the only Dragon-type move in Gen I, thus making Dragon super-effective against nothing (as its damage is set to 40 no matter what). This is kind of lame. Dragons (which at the time was only Dragonite) were super cool, but this was made to keep them from being too OP. That’s fine, I guess.

      The real kicker comes with Gen II where they introduced a few things: Kingdra, Dragonbreath, Twister, and Outrage. Twister sucks but whatever. Dragonbreath was pretty okay back then, and Outrage is amazing to this day. And then AGAIN, Dragon Rage fails to impress. No one wants to wait that long to have a good Dragon move. Since Dragons actually stay in their basic form FOREVER too, it sucks to have to rely on this when opponents are around Lv 20. At that point, it doesn’t do enough. But I have to admit, doing 40 damage early on is almost God-tier, and that’s why this move isn’t on our list. Also Dragon Rage is a really cool name.


      10. Frustration (NORM/PHYS)

      PP - 20

      Power - Varies [(255 - Friendship)/2.5]

      Accuracy - 100%

      TP: DrCoolGuy, this move looks amazing. A maximum of 102 base damage? What’s not to love?

      DrCoolGuy: Man, 102 base STAB for Normal Pokemon, you say!? You’re right! What more could I want? What’s that you say, TP? That sounds familiar? Yeah, you’re thinking of Return. It is the exact same in every way, except it is based off of how much your Pokemon loves you instead of hates you. You see, when you catch a wild Pokemon or trade with a friend, it’s base happiness is set to a value specific for each pokemon. This usually ranges between 0 and 100, with a huge majority of them at 70. For Frustration to do maximum damage, happiness must be at 0. This means your Pokemon must die a LOT and be given really bitter healing items (i.e Energy Root). However, simply walking 256 steps with your Pokemon raises its happiness by one point. As you can imagine, that makes raising happiness relatively simple. Since both Return and Frustration are identical in every other way, it makes MUCH more sense to simply use Return.

      TP: Only cheating bastards use this move, like myself. To make the move applicable to the metagame you have to differentiate Frustration with it’s identical twin. By making the move unaffected by Guts, and increasing the base damage by lowering the division by 0.1, it would provide an alternative to Return. (106 base if 0 happiness) Alternatively you could make the move exclusive to Dark types, as they traditionally are the ones with the lower tier in terms of Happiness upon capture (35). It would also make the move the highest possible STAB move the type has, which has been in the thrones of Crunch for way too long. Other than that, the move has little reason other than for Pokemon you just caught to do high damage in the early portion of the game. (All Pokemon are able to learn both moves) It is because of the flawed nature of the move in comparison to it’s cousin Return that the move is set to #10.


      9. Focus Energy (NORM/STATUS)

      PP - 30

      Power - None

      Accuracy - None

      DrCoolGuy: Focus Energy increases the likelihood of critical hits; it is as simple as that. It used to raise this chance by one stage until Gen IV, in which it now raises two stages. It can even be Baton Passed, and it can only be nullified by switching, Haze, or death.

      TP: Increasing the Crit Rate of an attack does sound useful and all, but the critical hit ratio is remarkably low (even with +2 the likelihood of a crit isl 12%). Competitively, this attack is not useful at all. Since Generation II, the critical hit percentage at max has been 50% with five stages, which is extremely rare seeing no Pokemon able to learn Focus Energy has the ability Super Luck, which naturally ups the level by one. Oh yeah, and this move doesn’t stack so don’t go using this twice and assume you get +4, because you won’t. Enjoy at best 25% chance of a crit.

      DrCoolGuy: Notice how TP said “since Generation II”? Well that was because the move didn’t FUCKING work in Generation I. That’s right. It was meant to quadruple the chance of a critical hit. It did nothing in a weird way. If you were faster than your opponent, it failed. If you were slower than your opponent, it made the chance of you getting a critical hit to 0/511. Nice odds. Normally this would be where I say how to fix the move, but... well... they kind of already did. You shouldn’t be relying on crits anyways; luck isn’t a good plan. The move (at least now) works, it’s just lame and useless. That’s why it only comes in at #9.


      8. Helping Hand (NORM/STATUS)

      PP - 20

      Power - None

      Accuracy - None

      TP: That one move that every Plusle and Minun spammed in Gen III double battles, Helping Hand essentially raises the base power of your allies move by 50% for that turn only. It also has +5 priority which is pretty good for a move on this list.

      DrCoolGuy: In all honesty, THIS is the move that inspired this list. It spawned from the fact that almost every Pokemon in Gen III learns this at an early level, and it’s of absolutely no use to you. While admittedly, it does have a fair amount of use in double battles, in your main game, it’s going to be useless. At this time in Pokemon, double battles were so far and few between that it didn’t matter. Even in the few that there are, you can usually spend time doing other things, like setting up or just boosting your own stats a bit better. Or you could, you know, deal damage. And that’s where it’s been an annoyance to us all at one point or another.

      TP: This move is exclusive only in double (and thanks to Gen V, triple) battles, which is a rare commodity in the competitive metagame not to mention in the single player adventure. There is a gimmick there, since it does have priority, but it does nothing otherwise. Maybe have a Baton Pass like ability where the user will send out another Pokemon to block the attack, then to switch back at the end of the turn. Although Poison Point/Effect Spore abuse would be seen, all the the walls with such an ability are extremely low tiered. Muk with Poison Touch would be the one to gain the most out of this which as of right now is NU. (If you want to know, no wall has Static/Flame Body so I disregarded them)


      7. Memento (DARK/STATUS)

      PP - 10

      Power - None

      Accuracy - 100%

      DrCoolGuy: Memento causes the user to faint and lowers both the target’s Attack and Special Attack by two stages each. The user won’t faint if the move fails, such as when blocked by Protect, Detect or a Substitute.

      TP: Kill one of your Pokemon in order to reduce the Attack stats of your opponent by two stages. That’s good in all in certain situations, and I REALLY mean certain situations. This move is essentially used for sacrificial leads, where once their job is done they inflict a status deduction on your opponent. The problem lies with the whole, you know, LOSING YOUR POKEMON part of the deal. With Explosion you’re dealing 250 base power on your opponent, so your sacrifice would not be in much vain. In this case, Haze or even a switch would just void such attempts to handicap your opponent. (That is, unless you send out a Pokemon with Arena Trap or something similar to that degree)

      DrCoolGuy: As TP clearly mentions, this move is incredibly situational. That being said, you better make it count. After all, you’re down a Pokemon after this move. What would really make this move awesome would be lowering either A: more stats, or B: lowering Attack and Special Attack by three (or more) stages. This move is only #7 on the list because it can see use. Lowering stats and then trapping them can work toward a much-needed revenge kill, OR it could cause the target to switch, temporarily getting rid of a Pokemon you may need to set up for to defeat. Quite obviously, it still has one miraculously amazing use: Sweeping an entire team with your last Pokemon just to troll them out of a good battle by offing yourself with the dumbest self-destructive move in the game.


      6. Techno Blast (NORM*/SPEC)

      PP - 5

      Power - 85

      Accuracy - 100%

      TP: 85 damage doesn’t seem half bad. But this is a signature move of a LEGENDARY type. Not just any legendary, Genesect. The typing of Techno Blast varies depending on the Drive Genesect holds, so: Elec, Fire, Ice or Water being the applicable types.

      DrCoolGuy: This is just... *sighs* What the hell, Game Freak? This move has 85 power, which is okay, but not for a signature move. The big problem is apparent. For Genesect to change the type, he must be holding a certain Drive (Frost, Flame, etc) which takes up his very important item slot. That means no Choice items, no Leftovers, nothing, and that’s a problem. To make matters worse, Genesect is the only one that can learn this move, and this move can only be Electric, Fire, Ice or Water. But Genesect ALSO learns Thunderbolt, Flamethrower, and Ice Beam. So those would be 95 power each and 100% accuracy. In short, all three of those are STRICTLY better and make this move’s existence pointless. However, you may say “Well, what about water?” Well... What about it? You don’t need it, and Techno Blast isn’t worth it.

      TP: With 5 PP, I expect a crap ton more power. Especially considering this is a Legendary Pokemon we’re talking about. Kill the accuracy a bit and increase the power to Hyper Beam status and it’ll look like a signature move. I mean seriously, Mewtwo got PSYSTRIKE this generation. It has double the PP and does 100 damage (100 being the lowest in terms of Legendary signature moves, but it makes up for it with PP). This should be the Thunder/Fire Blast/Blizzard/Hydro Pump replacement with more power. Give me a reason to pick this move instead of the aforementioned, other than it’s exclusive to Genesect.


      5.Water Sport (WATER/STATUS) and Mud Sport (GROUND/STATUS)

      PP - 15

      Power - None

      Accuracy - None

      DrCoolGuy: These two moves are placed together because neither is more stupid than the other, and they both do basically the same thing. Water Sport reduces the base power of all Fire attacks by 50%, and in Generation V, this is increased to 67%. Mud Sport does the same, except it weakens all Electric attacks by the same amount instead.

      TP:Okay. The majority of these Pokemon who know these moves are IMMUNE to the attack. Why use Water Sport, where all of the Pokemon who learn this move (sans three) are Water Type. You know, the type that already resists fire? In fact, Masquerain and Budew would be the only ones who would benefit from Water Sport. Why would anyone want this move on a Roserade, who is an UU/OU level lead/sweeper. Masquerain on the other hand...should not even be facing Fire types in the first place (Why did it change from Bug/Water to Bug/Flying I’ll never know). The same in a lesser degree applies to the identical twin, where although a large number are water types, a fair share of Pokemon who learn this move are either Rock and/or Ground types. (Which if you don’t know already resist Electric) It’s just the simple question of why would you use this move when you either would not use the Pokemon in that situation or just flat our resist the type already.

      DrCoolGuy: Let us be clear, the effect of this move ENDS when the user switches out. So no, you cannot use Mud Sport and then switch in some Water Pokemon. The only, and I repeat ONLY, use in this case would be for double and triple battles. You could, for example, protect your partners’ weakness with either of these moves. But come on, no one’s going to do that. Maybe if this move last a number of turns akin to Rain Dance and Sunny Day, it could see some use. Being able to weaken all Water/Electric attacks for X amount of turns would work wonders for certain teams.


      4. Quash (DARK/STATUS)

      PP - 15

      Power - None

      Accuracy - 100%

      TP: Okay, get this. It has no priority, and the target Pokemon who gets hit will attack LAST, provided it already didn’t attack anyone yet. The Pokemon who learn this move? All slow aside from the legendaries. (But seriously, why would you want the Beast trio, Mew or Arceus with this?) Game Freak you must be trolling when you came up with this.

      DrCoolGuy: This move just blows. Hard. It can see use in double or triple battles by forcing something to go last instead of a partner using Trick Room (which has the lowest priority in the game), but as stated, good luck finding something fast enough. Without any priority this move just... doesn’t make any sense. And why should it? It’s such a gimmick it took them five whole generations to even consider it move worthy. Really, guys? Why even bother. While all moves try to have a place, this one got drunk on the way there. It wound up in the wrong neighborhood, got robbed and stabbed, and now its only looking for a home it will never find. I’m done with my lame ass deadbeat da- I mean... On to you, TP.

      TP: O.o Anyways...a simple way to fix this move? Well there isn’t really much of one since it is purely meant for double battles during certain situations. For example, if someone were to use Solar Beam without Sunny Day, one would obviously know what is coming so using Quash and a heavy hitting move would prevent the move from hitting (if you’re able to KO the opposing Pokemon that is and if you’re Quash user is faster than the opponent, which I highly doubt). It can also be used to make the Pokemon fall asleep if speed is an issue, but that is more so what Trick Room is for. An alternative for this move would be if the Pokemon were to hit this move first (think Focus Punch’s charge phase to attack phase), then the opponent’s Pokemon will have a -1 priority for a certain amount of turns. So if they are able to use Quash without the opponent attacking, they will have -1 default priority. Otherwise, the move will fail.


      3. Present (NORM/PHYS)

      PP - 15

      Power - Varies

      Accuracy - 90%

      DrCoolGuy:Present is a bit of a complicated move. When used, it will do one of the following:



      Damage with 40 base power


      Damage with 80 base power


      Damage with 120 base power


      Heal the target by 80 HP


      So, on average, this move will deal about 52 base damage.

      TP: The underlying root of this problem is that Present is the signature move of one of the most useless Pokemon in the game, Delibird. It is the only move it naturally has to boot. The entire concept of this move is garbage. Competitively, NO one should rely on luck to get 120 base damage when you have a higher chance of HEALING 80 HP of your opponent. That is a big no-no in competitive playing. But the big number is the average damage dealt, and that is 52 without the healing factor involved. It’s essentially Tackle but missing 20 PP. A SIGNATURE MOVE THAT IS EQUIVALENT TO TACKLE, A STARTER MOVE YOU GET IN THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME. There is a reason why Delibird is a joke of a Pokemon, aside from it’s typing, stats and godawful moveset.

      DrCoolGuy: This move had some serious potential. I find it really cool, actually. It’s one of those things that I find, believe it or not, very fun. Yeah, fun in a competitive game; sounds weird, right? This move could be easily fixed with some reworking of percentages. Healing your opponent should be less than 5% in my not-so-humble opinion because realistically there should have some risk involved. If it only did damage, it would be a Normal-type Magnitude, which no one needs. But above all else, this is Delibird’s move. He owns it. He should rule it. You know what would fix that? HAVING STAB WITH THIS FUCKING MOVE. MAKE IT ICE FLYING GOD DAMMIT R7UHGTIYGFGAYYFGQYG


      2. Splash (NORM/STATUS)

      PP - 40

      Power - None

      Accuracy - None

      TP: Please, as if you didn’t see this coming. Number 2 may be a surprise, since this move does absolutely nothing but hold up just a second for that. Splash is used in Cute contests and does massive appeal depending on position. In Gen III, it was if the user did the move last with a set Appeal of 2. In Gen IV, raises the score if Voltage is low without any set Appeal.

      DrCoolGuy: I don’t know what the fuck TP is talking about here. Seriously? I run Splash on every Gyarados set. It’s only the greatest move in the PokeContest metagame, that’s why so few Pokemon learn it. Wait... What’s that? They got rid of contests in Gen V? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! Oh, yeah, right. Splash will go back to sucking. Seriously, its one and only use has been erased. That’s not so bad though, because no one expected it to be good anyways. It’s only there to make everything else look cool and get picked on by the internet. There’s not much to say about Splash. Fun fact: Magikarp uses its powerful tail to “Splash” over mountains in a single bound.

      TP: What can one do to improve this move? Nothing. Splash is a stupid gimmick anyways just to show the sexiness of Gyarados and Milotic in comparison to it’s previous, fishier forms. I still don’t understand why Hoppip and Buneary of all types learn this move. Besides, you can consider Bounce the superior version of the move akin to Bubble to Bubblebeam. Except in this case a move that does nothing to an actual competitive move. Extra note: No Gen V Pokemon actually learn the move Splash, so that’s something good to note.


      1. Bestow (NORM/STATUS)

      PP - 15

      Power - None

      Accuracy - None

      DrCoolGuy: The user of this move simply gives their item to their opponent. It will always fail if the user is not holding an item or is holding Mail (Who holds mail... ever?). It ALSO fails if the target is already holding item or is behind a Substitute. Items given away in Trainer battles are not wasted; however, in wild battles any Bestowed items are gone forever.

      TP: EVERY POKEMON USED COMPETITIVELY IS CARRYING AN ITEM. This move is fundamentally useless in the multiplayer world. In a one-player game perspective, sure you can give a Toxic Orb to Cynthia’s Garchomp to poison/wall it to death. Though, if you’re relying on such a tactic to win, then something is wrong with you. There are moves that do the same thing but better in the form of Trick and Switcheroo. It’s gimmick is more on a double battle world, where you would give your partner an item that would normally be used once. (i.e berries or Focus Sash) It’s incredibly gimmicky, and will lead to more losses due to the amount of metagaming you would have to do.

      DrCoolGuy: Trick cannot fail. Switcheroo cannot fail. Okay, they can, but cc. Obviously, they all fail on a Substitute and with Plates, Orbs, and Drives. But seriously, what does this move even have to offer? It would be great if it had ANY benefit to the user. Maybe if the user gave/lost their item as payment for recovering some HP? Maybe if it increased speed, like losing some weight? God please just anything to make it not the dumbest move in the game. Just... something to make it useful would be fantastic, because honestly, we don’t need more clones. TL;DR FUCK BESTOW.

      TP: Woah that was a knowledge bomb of Pokemon talk. Well that was our Top 10 Dumbest Pokemon Moves ever contrived by the folks at Game Freak.


      DrCoolGuy: I hope everyone enjoyed us nerding out about Pokemon. And if you don’t play much besides the main game, I hope you enjoyed us complaining and yelling.

      TP: Join us next week/month/year/forever when we talk about the Top whatever COOLEST Pokemon Moves. /waitwe’reseriouslydoingthis?

      DrCoolGuy: Yeah dude totally I wanna it looks fun I really want to write about Pokemon- UNTIL THEN: I LIKE SHORTS! THEY’RE COMFY AND EASY TO WEAR.



      Shameless plug here, because all the cool kids are doing it these days:


      Thanks everyone!

    • Top 10 Coolest Pokemon Moves

      6 years ago


      DrCoolGuy: Welcome back guys! Last time we discussed some of the dumbest moves in Pokemon.

      TP: “You did this wrong.” “X is actually 7, not Apples.” “Do you even lift, bro.” Rabble rabble. Yes I know there are bound to be errors in blog, especially with collaborative works. Yes I know most of the mistakes are mine (DrCoolGuy: And kinda mine too!), and I apologize if that made people butthurt. I’m human damn it, and a busy one at that.

      DrCoolGuy: So this time we’re talking about something NO ONE will agree on: coolness. We decided that we’d supplement some of the worst things in Pokemon with some of the most awesome. I hope everyone can agree with our selections; after all, I do have an M.D. with a specialty in Cool.

      TP: I’m only here for the free cake. DrCoolGuy lied...

      DrCoolGuy: So trust us, there are going to be plenty of cool moves on this list and there are going to be plenty that aren’t. To make it a bit more manageable, we are enforcing the following rules:

      1. Only one move per type. For this list we both individually placed one move per category of type and used process of elimination there after. Once we picked the moves, we arranged them by appeal and bias, independently of their types (sorry there aren’t ANY cool Poison moves...)
      2. No legendary signature moves. Regular signature moves are fine, as they don’t have the “God Beam from the Heavens” style of appearance in comparison to the legendaries. If we were to allow such moves to be on the list then it would just be filled with them and that a boring list would make. And honestly, who wants to see a list with just Roar of Time, Spacial Rend, Doom Desire, and Judgment? If you all REALLY want to bitch, then maybe that’s another list.
      3. This is solely based on appearance or description or anything fun and cool about the move. No talk about the metagame or it’s overall usefulness, unless it severely adds to coolness factor. (i.e. not only is Dream Eater cool, but it ALSO heals you) Thunderbolt may be the most accurate/high damaging Elec Type attack, but Thunder and Zap Cannon look 10x cooler. The anime will most likely be mentioned, be forewarned.
      4. This is our list. We listed the moves based on what we like.  If you have a problem with it, make your own damn list. SORRY if we forgot the ONE move out of 559 that you were thinking of.
      5. The most important rule for me. Please, guys, PLEASE don’t complain/rant/correct/bitch about anything on this list unless you’ve actually read the entries instead of skimming over to see where each one stands. I know a lot of you guys are really cool and love Pokemon like us, so if you have a complaint, just bash TP some more, and try to be kind. But seriously, we don’t just pick things at random; we started this list with about 50 moves. With that, we don’t mind discussion/constructive criticism. We know a lot about Pokemon and these moves, so we didn’t forget it, we just didn’t find it worth noting. Try to see things from our point of view maybe..?

      TP: But before we can list the aforementioned moves we considered to have reeked the most awesomeness, the both of us have a couple honourary mentions that could not have been ignored. Either due to a conflict of interest or fear of the list being too ridden of such variants of a certain move, we couldn’t just leave a couple moves that were dear to our hearts so we placed them in this spot so people could be less butthurt over certain moves not appearing on the list. Without further adieu, my honourary mentions.


      Perish Song

      Any Pokemon that hears this song faints in three turns, unless it switches out of battle.

      The system our list was made was to have one move to represent each type, and in that scenario it was Perish Song that was my choice as the coolest Normal move. It’s that eerie nature of the move where the sound of one’s voice will kill yourself and your opponent that really sparked my interest. Rather than large explosions and “special effect” looking attacks that obviously appear to inflict damage, I have a larger preference for subtle, yet deadly moves. The current animation is so amazing in the mood it inflicts upon use, where you are gifted in hearing the heavenly echoes of a wonderful melody only for it to screechingly destroy yourself. It’s incredibly haunting how such an enticing move can inflict an instant death, similar to Sirens of Greek mythos.


      Every OHKO Move: Fissure, Sheer Cold, Guillotine, Horn Drill

      Had one been on the list, all of them would have been placed. This is kinda cheating on my part but my (our) list, my (our) rules. The concept of an instant death, similar to Perish Song was something interesting, whereas the former had a more subtle approach in causing your opponent to faint, these four moves are more direct and rather graphic sounding. Guillotine and Horn Drill literally are meant to destroy human flesh and Sheer Cold and Fissure use the elements against you in a rather graphic light. The entire nature behind these moves are “You’re gonna die and it’s gonna hurt a lot.” Falling through a bottomless hole, freezing to death, getting your head sliced clean off (it doesn’t actually say that in the Pokedex entry but it obviously implies it) or getting a stab wound so deep it actually pierces through skin; all these moves sound so deadly it’s scary.

      Doc: I still don’t see much in Perish Song, but I let TP have his dreams for now. And I hope no one’s mad about those OHKO moves, but it’s my (our) list so gtfo. Now, for the less exciting section: MY HONOURABLE MENTIONS.




      Blast Burn, Hydro Cannon, Frenzy Plant, and Hyper Beam

      In a similar vein as the OHKO moves, these were lumped into one Honourable Mention to save space and make this list actually interesting. With that said, you can’t talk about cool moves without mentioning these gems. Yes, you could argue for moves like Giga Impact and Rock Wrecker, but these three variations are much more bad ass for a very cool reason: they could only be learned once by a starter. Wanna feel cool? Teach Charizard Blast Burn. That’s what these moves are all about. Getting an insanely destructive move on (probably) your lead Pokemon is just plain cool. I’ve only ever chosen Charizard, so I didn’t want to be biased and only place Blast Burn. So, all of these are worth a mention. They make the coolest starters even cooler (as they were first introduced in FRLG). To be slightly more fair, we gotta talk about Hyper Beam. It’s just classic; it has long since been one of the coolest moves in existence. Finally making more variations definitely did not disappoint.


      Now, on to the main event. Here are:

      DrCoolGuy and Thunderplant’s Top Ten Coolest Moves!


      10. Octazooka - GEN II

      TP: “The user attacks by spraying ink in the target's face or eyes. It may also lower the target's accuracy.”  This is kinda unique as a water move, where other than Crabhammer it does have nothing to do with water, rather an application of what a real life sea creature is capable of.

      Doc: One word: ZOOKS. I remember having my Pokemon Gold/Silver Players Guide and seeing the coolness that was Octillery. He was a pretty mediocre lookin dude. Then I saw it: Octazooka. It was because of this that I HAD to have it. Octillery was almost redeemable for this reason alone, and it’s a shame no more than two Pokemon can learn this move (the other being Horsea’s family) Because come on, as a child, who didn’t want anything related to bazookas?! The move itself has nothing super awesome other than containing the “bazooka” suffix. For that reason, it only places #10 on this list, but God are bazookas cool.


      9. Sky Attack - GEN I

      Doc: The strongest Flying type attack. “It searches out weak spots, then strikes the next turn. A second-turn attack move with a high critical-hit ratio. It may also make the target flinch.” It sounds so... strategically amazing. TOO BAD IT'S A LIE. This move doesn't actually have a high critical hit ratio! But oh well, at least its hella strong with a possibility of flinching. Plus, when you use it, it says “<Pokemon> became cloaked in a harsh light!” That’s bad ass.

      TP: This move translated from Japanese means “God Bird”. The freaking name makes it sound so awesome and it’s animation does it better. You may say Brave Bird is a modern day variant on this classic move, but screw that. I grew up on Pokemon Stadium, and this was like the bird version of Solar Beam. You, as your rental Pokemon are surrounded by god beams from the heavens. Upon your next turn you charge your mighty beak towards your opponent. Yes this WAS Moltres’ signature move back in Gen I, but because other Pokemon can learn this move, we allowed this exception. (I mean, it’s not like you’ll ever see Caterpie use Roar of Time or something).


      8. Solar Beam - GEN I

      TP: “A two-turn attack. The user gathers light, then blasts a bundled beam on the second turn.” Way to make that move sound lame, game description, as this is photosynthesis in it’s deadliest form. It’s an oldie, but a goodie.

      Doc: This move literally fires the energy it gathers from the Sun. It’s an awesome mixture of energy, radiation, light, and... grass, I guess. At least it has the word “beam” in it. Seeing Ash’s Bulbasaur use this move was so awe-inspiring as a child that it’s hard not to love. Back then, it had that real shock factor. The first time I saw this I must have thought “Oh, they’re gathering sunlight, what’s that all abou- OH SWEET JESUS FUCK.” Just a solid beam of destruction blasting my Pokemon is both frightening and extremely bad ass. But other than that, it’s kind of lackluster. At least it makes Grass types cool in at least ONE way. Also, I thought I was so fucking cool when I taught this move to Groudon.


      7. Beat Up - GEN II

      Doc: The user gets all the party Pokémon to attack the foe. The more party Pokémon, the more damage.” This entails getting as many Pokemon as possible to just mercilessly beat on a single Pokemon for the sake of more damage. Sure, there are better dark moves, but not many that are so awesomely brutal.

      TP: I originally had this for my list, so it would be appropriate for me to talk about it further. (:P) I love the concept of this move, where you have EVERYONE on your team gang up on your opponent. Technically the signature move of Sneasel, it wasn’t until Houndoom got the move that I found out about it naturally mainly because I never even thought of Sneasel as an option until he got an evolved form in my party. Since Dark type moves are essentially considered more “evil” moves, Beat Up perfectly defines the type in a more physical matter. I imagine “Gang Rape” would be a better definition of the move if the game wasn’t meant for all audiences. ((NOTE: We do not condone any form of sexual abuse here at Dr. Cool Guy’s Pokemon Talk. TP has an extremely dark sense of humour and that’s why we can make fun of him when we make mistakes))


      6. Fire Blast - GEN I

      TP: “The target is attacked with an intense blast of all-consuming fire. It may also leave the target with a burn.” We going OG up in this bidness. Just like Solar Beam, this is the move that truly stands out when you think of Fire moves. The ? character it makes, which if you don’t know is a  Chinese character for “big” really emphasizes the “big fire” this move emits.

      Doc: I mean... I always thought it was just a stick figure... Or just a crude representation of the Japanese kanji for fire: ?... Anyways! This move gets some serious points being the coolest OG fire move around. Back in the good ol’ days, Blaine gives you this move for beating him (the only Fire TM in Gen I by the way), and I loved it. There was nothing cooler than literally blasting your opponents with the intense flames of my level 100 Charizard. This one’s got it all: burning your opponents to death, dealing massive amounts of damage (relative to older games), having the word fire in it (cause fire is fuckin cool), and BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST.


      5. Dream Eater - GEN I

      Doc: The user eats the dreams of a sleeping target. It absorbs half the damage caused to heal the user's HP.” You lull your opponent to sleep and steal their dreams, om nom nom a bit, and laugh as you reap that amazing health-gaining benefit. Awesome you say? Yeah, it is.

      TP: It’s a move that EATS your opponents dreams. The supernatural moves are always amazing, but this one takes the cake. Of course the move has to be done if your opponent is asleep, but it doesn’t stop make this move sound horrifying. I remember this move specifically in the Electric Tale of Pikachu manga where the move was more haunting than the game. A giant (and I mean towering) Gengar uses this to SUCK THE SOUL of his opponent. (The victim, in this case Sabrina, falls into a coma as a result) This my friend is what nightmare fuel is made of as it scared the bejesus out of 10 year old me reading this.


      4. Metronome - GEN I

      TP: Damn you DrCoolGuy and you preferring this move to Perish Song. (Doc: Gottem.) “The user waggles a finger and stimulates its brain into randomly using nearly any move.“ The concept is cool, where you can use ANY move in the Pokemon library. (with exceptions, which won’t be listed because long) I remember in Pokemon Stadium my friend and I would both choose a team of whatever rentals who had this move, and spam each other using Metronome to see who was luckier.

      Doc: Not only was this the inspiration for this list, but the #1 on my list. Surprisingly, TP’s previous comment sums up everything great about this move. This move is the fuckin bomb. Seriously. Look up “Metronome Battles” and you’re bound to find a slew of hilarious battles between two people just messing around and having a good time. Picking Pokemon with Metronome adds the maximum amount of fun possible to anything Pokemon. There is nothing more awesome than using metronome in a desperate situation and getting something awesome like hyper beam and WRECKING your opponent. Well, maybe seeing your opponent use it against you and getting Splash. Mwahahaha. It’s just plain FUN. And isn’t that what Pokemon is all about? Having fun? No? Oh... Well... Whatever.


      3. Destiny Bond - GEN I

      Doc: Destiny Bond. The better Memento. Fucking Memento god damn piece of- When this move is used, if the user faints, the Pokémon that landed the knockout hit also faints.” Where I come from, we call this a PokeGottem. Especially if you’re both down to your last Pokemon, making the game result in a draw. I place this so high (after some persuasion, mumblegrumble) for its maximum troll level, and that’s great.

      TP: Haha, I had to convince DrCoolGuy here that if I can’t get Perish Song, Destiny Bond had to be added. Although the anime version of the move makes the move feel lame (where the generic dead Pokemon swirly-eyes pops out and KOs your opponent) the recent use in the Adventure manga made up for it where a fainted Qwilfish disappears the moment before death to ram the opponent as a kamikaze of sorts. The mechanic feels fitting for a Ghost type move where the phrase “If I’m going down, I’m taking you down with me” makes it different from the others. I just have an appeal for the meta behind the moves, where Destiny Bond like Perish Song and Dream Eater have similar appeals to each other I just cannot ignore where they do not physically damage you, rather use the supernatural to destroy your inner psyche.


      2. Icicle Spear - GEN III

      TP: The user launches sharp icicles at the target. It strikes two to five times in a row.” Piercing a barrage of icicles at your opponent, what’s not to love? Well DrCoolGuy will explain in more detail because he was the one who persuaded me into having it on the list.

      Doc: This move is #2 awesome for one reason, and one reason only (well, the rest helps too, I guess.) Icicle Spear is THE PERFECT MURDER WEAPON. Eventually when you stab your opponents through the heart with 2-5 icicles, they’re going to melt away. They can never trace it back to you in any way. I couldn’t think of anything more insanely lethal. Spears are known to be deadly weapons, and you launch a continuous barrage of spear-like icicles! What’s not to enjoy in murdering your opponent in... cold blood? This is not only extremely creative, but extremely... cool? Eh? Anyone? I’ll see myself out.


      1. Draco Meteor - GEN IV

      Doc: “Comets are summoned down from the sky onto the target. The attack's recoil harshly reduces the user's Sp. Atk stat.” Comets are summoned. From the SKY. FUCKING COMETS, MAN. While Electric is my favorite type, Dragon is quite possibly the coolest type around. In the manga, anime, and games, this move actually does what it says and RAINS METEORS on your opponent for an amazing amount of damage. But one fun fact makes this move take the cake: it's fan-made!

      TP: Draco Meteor has such an awesome appeal to it and the in-game animation just makes this awesome move go a whole ‘notha level. This was a fan design, where before Diamond and Pearl CoroCoro ran a contest for fans to design a move. This feels fan designed, where the move sounds extremely over the top it had to be something Dragon’s were capable of. A barrage of meteors rain down at your opponent. We’re not talking just normal rocks here, we’re talking SPACE ROCKS. Although the anime represents the attack as a shower of beams from the heavens, the move still looks awesome. That is why the move is #1 in both our hearts, and to be quite honest, was #1 before we started listing off our Top 10. (Doc: Yeah, his #1. Metronome is still more fun...)


      TP: Wow we’re a bunch of old timers. Aside from Draco Meteor, almost every single move listed are from the Gameboy era. Anyways, we hope you enjoyed the read on what we thought were the coolest moves in the Pokemon world. Again, you can follow us both on twitter: @thunderplant and @Dr_Cool_Guy. For some shiznanigans, there is always @g1afterdark the hub for all the forum-goers, like myself.

      Doc: Damn. You’re right, we did pick a lot of old school moves. And that’s fine. What makes these moves cool is such genuine creativity, ingenuity, and coolness, so of course older moves have this flair. We love these moves and we hope you do too. Got a favorite move that wasn’t on the list? Cool, because I don’t care :D Seriously though, drop it off in the comments and tell us what you think. Have a suggestion for a future Top X you’d like to see? Again, I don’t care :D (But really, let us know! We’re always taking ideas!) We had tons of fun writing for you guys, and hopefully you enjoyed iiiiiiiiiit? I mean if not, it’s okay, just... you know- NEXT TIME ON POKEMON TALK: ThunderPlant puts more U’s in words ending in “or”!

      … Oh, and Top Ten Underappreciated Pokemon


      TP: goddamnitanotherone? whatareweanactualseries?


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