Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learnâ€'by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
- Joined October 4, 2004
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Fun stuff for the New Year
10 years ago
kokiNews
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Interesting List
10 years ago
kokiNews
40 things that only happen in the movies (As taken from Moronland.net)
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboardââ'šÂ¬Ã‚¦
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say ââ'šÂ¬Ã…"Helloââ'šÂ¬Ã‚ or ââ'šÂ¬Ã…"Goodbyeââ'šÂ¬Ã‚ when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying ââ'šÂ¬Ã…"Hello? Hello?ââ'šÂ¬Ã‚ repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!). -
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Theres only one thing I have to say
11 years ago
kokiNews
CRIKEY!!!
May someone else fill the void that was left on earth today -
Something different
11 years ago
kokiNews
I've just been a link dumper lately so I thought I would change it up a but so here is a link... No No I meant it something different. So I was thinking now adays people are crossing over to sing in different langauges. I normally wouldnt mind but sometimes the translation just doesnt work, or the rythm of old doesnt work with the new language it doesnt flow, so out of boredom while I was listening to my MP3 player I thought about translating one of my favorite songs from spanish to english to see if it has the same effect.
below you will read both the original song Palomita Blanca by Juan Luis Guerra and the translated one (translated by me)
Te diré: Soy tan feliz
cuando estoy cerca de ti,
que no me acostumbro
si no escucho el verde de tu voz.
Ya lo ves, nada es igual,
todo es frÃÂo si no estás.
Palomita blanca,
llévale en tus alas mi canción.
Dile que las noches no han callado.
De amor hablaron y no se han ido.
Dile que la quiero y que la extraño,
que no he olvidado y que he sufrido.
Ya lo sé cuento mi error,
pero entiendo que el amor todo lo perdona
y nunca se acaba.
Corazón ya lo ves, nada es igual.
Todo es vano si no estás.
Palomita blanca,
llévale en tus alas mi canción.
Dile que las noches no han callado.
De amor hablaron y no se han ido.
Dile que la quiero y que la extraño,
que no he olvidado y que sufrido.
Y una gaviota de luz,
entre las olas del mar,
va recogiendo el azul
que yo no te supe dar.
Y una aurora con besos de tu.
Dile que las noches no han callado.
De amor hablaron y no se han ido.
Dile que la quiero y que la extraño,
y que no he olvidado,
y que he sufrido.
I shall tell you: I'm so happy
when I am near you,
That I will not get accustomed
to not hearing the green of your voice.
As you see nothing is the same,
everything is cold if you are not not near.
White bird
take in your wings my song.
tell her that the nights havent quieted.
they spoke of love and haven't gone away.
Tell her that I want her and I miss her
That I havent forgotten and that I have suffered.
I already know, I see my error
but I understand that love forgives all
and never finishes.
Love dont you see nothing is the same.
Everything is bitter if your not around.
White bird
take in your wings my song.
tell her that the nights havent quieted.
they spoke of love and haven't gone away.
Tell her that I want her and I miss her
That i havent forgotten and that I have suffered.
And a seagull of light,
between the waves of the sea,
gathering the blue
I didnt know how to give you.
And an aurora with kisses with you.
tell her that the nights havent quieted.
they spoke of love and haven't gone away.
Tell her that I want her and I miss her
That i havent forgotten and that I have suffered.
and just in case you want to see -
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Comments (34)
ShiranaiMiko
10 years ago
i love ya this much!
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ShiranaiMiko
10 years ago
AIM HAITES MEEEEEE!!!
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mangotea168
11 years ago
Hi, I am going to Curry Hill today. Want to come along? It'll be at 1pm for lunch.
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farrarn
11 years ago
No mods
ShiranaiMiko
11 years ago
*drive by poke*
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ShiranaiMiko
11 years ago
No mods
farrarn
11 years ago
im have a 300 mod contest
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airpirate
11 years ago
Strongbad!
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farrarn
11 years ago
No mods
pooppants
11 years ago
Hey could you vote for gnnysgt here please....... and if you want you can vote twice, thanks
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mangotea168
11 years ago
dude, you need more new comments.
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spoothead101
11 years ago
happy crazy, frenzied hobbit day!
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mangotea168
11 years ago
TAUNTING and MOCKING YOU IN THE FACE!
Post edited 12/19/05 11:10AM
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mangotea168
11 years ago
by Keith Haring in 1979
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mangotea168
11 years ago
Wow. All i see on your comment is a series of white puppies. You have a scary comment section.
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mangotea168
11 years ago
you should just be happy that they didn't cut her character out.
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mangotea168
11 years ago
I found your Pumpkin.
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mangotea168
11 years ago
~_^ Hey Cookie,
What are you going to do with all that HUMPS?
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mangotea168
11 years ago
koki=cookie
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koki
11 years ago
it is whos name is cookie?
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mangotea168
11 years ago
cookie is a very feminine name. :)
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iamwillow
11 years ago
what! mango's been having an affair here it seems.
i'm not sure if our e-relationship can go on.
[time for e-drama]
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mangotea168
11 years ago
Closes Recipe to Mo Mo Cha Cha, Ba Bar Cha Cha
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mangotea168
11 years ago
I e-ordered a cheesecake today. It's 10inches with chocolate. ^_^ 16 serving
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mangotea168
11 years ago
I want cheese cake now.
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mangotea168
11 years ago
haha...if i ask you for mod points and you give it to me, it makes me feel like a mod courtesan.
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mangotea168
11 years ago
GIVE ME A MOD POINT!
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ShiranaiMiko
11 years ago
*commentcommentcommentcommentcommentcommentcommentcommentcomment mushroom mushroom!!*
woooo too much coffee!!
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mangotea168
11 years ago
I am working on my 22 level.
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mangotea168
11 years ago
I am only 1% from Karma 20. I had worked so hard on it today. XD
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ShiranaiMiko
12 years ago
SLEEPY!!!!
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ShiranaiMiko
12 years ago
XD woot!!!
i need to find the serum to sleep and fatigue....all i do is sleep anywhere...like a cat....so the cure to boredem is also on my list
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officerha
12 years ago
Death to Boredom!!!
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mangotea168
12 years ago
Hello! =-)
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