I'm not the worse of the worse. I've never called a system a "Nintendo machine" or the "Playstation 360" like my mom, but throughout my life I've been surounded by Awesome hardcore gamers. Pretty early on I realized I was just horrible. These are some of the main reasons why.
5. I have Player Two-itis (aka Younger Sibling Disease).
Like this except with less smiles and more punching... so nothing like this really.
Growing up I was always the youngest kid in the group, seven years younger then my brother. As every kid knows, player one and who gets to play any game first is decided by age. By the time I was able to play anything I'd usually watched him play through it three or four times. I'm so conditioned into waiting and letting other people play first that I'll preorder a game and then turn around and lend it to a friend.
4. I enjoy watching people play almost as much as I like playing.
Some of my earliest video game memories are of watching my brother play early Final Fantasy and Zelda games. These stories were WAY better then any Little Mermaid and Care Bears I could have been watching. I was obsessed. One boring summer my brother played Ocarina of Time almost every day. And I watched Every Single time. Epona's Song was my lullaby.
The downside to this of course is here I am, 22 years old and I still love watching. This doesn't seem like a problem until someone asks you what you did over the weekend. Having to explain that you spent it sitting quietly (so you wouldn't break their concentration) watching someone play Shadow of the Colossus is a sure way to get confused looks and head shaking.
3. It takes me FOREVER to finish a game.
Seriously. It will take me weeks, months, if not Years to finish a game. (In this case) Slow and steady does not win the race. Slow and steady gets her friends mad and gets spoilers up the wazoo. For a while one of my biggest worries was of someone asking me what I'm playing because then They Would Know. But then I got over it when I realized that I could use the "oh man I've just been so busy lately" excuse.
"but man, Really, LOOK at those rock formations!" and two hours later I will still be looking at mountains.
2. I'm not a fan of online gaming.
And for this I feel like a horrible friend. I am sorry. I am horrible enough on my own. I don't need to play and have the whole interwebs see. Truely, you don't want me there. A good friend, after Years (I'm not exaggerating, I'm talkin like four/five years) of begging me to get into WoW, set everything up for me so we could keep in touch once I moved. After two weeks he called me to tell me that he was wrong. This was not a good way for us to keep in touch. We would not stay friends if my level of Suck continued. We're still friends. We choose to ignore those few weeks. I did try to warn him.
1. I am really, Truely, horrible at most games.
There are a million and one things that factor into this. I have can't-see-an-inch-past-my-face-without-glasses vision. I look down at the controller occasionally to remind myself what is where. It doesn't matter that I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember, I have the same level of skills as a five year old.
And not nowadays five year olds because I'm pretty sure this kid could kick my butt too.
The thing is I am passionate about my terribleness. I know I'll never be as good as most of my friends or the people here on Screwattack, but that's not what being a gamer is about. I love video games. I love the stories, I love the graphics (horrible or breathtaking), I love the emotion, the humor, the laughter, the memories made.
So I'll be the first to stand up and admit it. Hello, I am a Terrible gamer. But I still love gaming just as much as you.