Hey everyone, it’s great to be back. I was so busy with work that I had to postpone my lists here on this site. To show just how long it’s been I’ve kept the original opening to this blog. Enjoy!
It was just Mothers Day in the United States, and if you’re just finding this out now in my list, you’re a horrible child! In honor of the holiday I decided to count down the worst mothers in video games.
These are the mothers you give weeds instead of flowers, rotten cheese instead of chocolate, and a discount card from the dollar store. Like with all my lists there will be one character per franchise, and only retro games count!
So let’s begin!
10.) Jimmy’s Mom
Bully is a game about a delinquent child sent off to a boarding school to get proper discipline and education. It was originally released on the Playstation 2. However, since this is a game from the same people who made the Grand Theft Auto series, this game’s more about causing chaos than staying out of it.
Jimmy is dropped off at the school by his mom. His mom is a minor character, but one who definitely fits this list. She seems like an inattentive mother, who leaves Jimmy to his own devices. She’s sending Jimmy to the school because he was disrespectful to his new stepfather, and she’s going on a honeymoon for one whole year.
You’re supposed to take care of your child, not abandon him for a year and laugh as you’re kicking him out of the car.
9.) Pokemon Protagonist’s Mom
(Comic picture from brentalfloss)
This is the entry on the list that you’ll probably see on several other lists, but it’s for a good reason. The mom in the Pokemon series is absolutely insane.
Think about the world of Pokemon. There are monsters everywhere that have control over the destructive forces of nature. They can freeze, they can burn, they can electrocute, or they can bubble you. Some of these monsters are ghosts, some explode, and some are actual gods with control over space and time.
Who are you? You’re a 10 year old kid, kicked out of the house and sent into this world with nothing but a new pair of running shoes. Thanks for the shoes mom, but maybe a health insurance would’ve been better.
8.) Queen Zeal
Queen Zeal is the secondary antagonist in Chrono Trigger for the SNES. She is obsessed with the power of the evil space tick, Lavos. She’s like a crack addict to power. She wishes to use the power to become immortal.
Queen Zeal doesn’t care about her own children Schala and Janus, often exploiting or abusing them on her quest to more and more power. Then there was the whole Ocean Palace Incident, but once again I don’t want to get into too many spoilers.
Queen Zeal isn’t really higher on this list because she’s more of a tragic character than an evil one. The other mothers on this list are quite worse.
No really. Get prepared, because the other mothers on this list are messed up.
7.) Ma Cipirani
The last entries on this list were incompetent or inattentive mothers, but this next one is a little bit too involved in her son’s life. She is a widow, the mother of Antonio, and the owner of Momma’s Restaurante in Liberty City. Yup, we’re talking about Grand Theft Auto III for the Playstation 2.
According to Ma Cipriani her son is a useless sack of crap who can’t do anything right. Therefore, she has to do everything for him. She’s always saying her son Toni is too girly and weak compared to his father. She even claims a man in a diaper chasing prostitutes was manlier than Toni.
The worst thing Ma Cipriani does is she puts a hit out on her son in order to toughen him up. You read that right, she sends out gangsters to kill her son… in order to toughen him up.
When I was deciding who to put in this spot, I had a huge debate going in my head. There are a lot of characters in video games that use eggs as projectiles/weapons. However, I had to decide which one could be a mother.
At first I thought of Yoshi… but “Super Smash Bros. Melee states in Yoshi’s trophy that Yoshi reproduce asexually, meaning that they reproduce without a mate, and are neither male nor female.” So Yoshi’s are out. Then I thought of Birdo… but “in the first edition manual for the North American release of Super Mario Bros. 2, Birdo is referred to as a male who believes he is female and would rather be called “Birdetta”. Don’t tell me that Nintendo changed it later on, because I don’t believe you!
So the obvious choice is Kazooie fram Banjo-Kazooie on the Nintendo 64. Kazooie is a female who constantly shoots her offspring (eggs) out of her beak and her backside. She has probably killed thousands of her kids in an effort to murder others.
5.) The Queen in Ico
I’m going to be spoiling almost the entire plot in this game, so… WARNING!
We’ve seen overinvolved mothers, underinvolved mothers, mothers who neglect their children, and mothers who use their children as projectiles… and yet we still have more to go.
The Queen from Ico (PS2) is the primary antagonist in the game. She is getting old and her body is getting weak, nevertheless she is tall and very imposing. She wants to prolong her life by sacrificing a young woman named Yorda. The big kicker is Yorda is the daughter of the queen.
Yes! This entire game is about stopping an evil queen from sacrificing her beautiful young daughter in order to prolong her own life.
One of the biggest aspects of being a parent is putting your child before everything else. However, the selfish Queen never got that memo.
Sindel from the Mortal Kombat series is a tough character to talk about on this list. Her history was altered in the remake of Mortal Kombat, so she technically has two backstories.
Sindel made her debut in Mortal Kombat 3. She was the queen of Edenia which was taken over by series antagonist Shao Kahn. She commited suicide so she wouldn’t be Kahn’s wife, but that didn’t stop him. In Mortal Kombat 3 she is raised from the dead as Shao Kahn’s brainwashed concubine until her daughter Kitanna, talks her out of it.
In the 2011 remake, things go a bit differently. She is resurrected and brainwashed by Shao Kahn, however she is not easily talked out of it. In fact she breaks into the good guys headquarters and kills almost every single one of them, including her own daughter Kitanna. That’s fucked up.
You could argue that it wasn’t her fault, because she was brainwashed… but none of this would have happened if she didn’t kill herself.
3.) Annette Birkin
Annette Birkin is from my favorite and the very best Resident Evil game ever made… Resident Evil 2 for the PS1 (and probably other systems too).
You may not remember Annette Birkin, but she is the mother of one of the game’s protagonist, Sherry Birkin. Annette is a character who is easy to hate because she shoots at Leon Kennedy and Ada Wong in the campaign. Luckily, later she is killed by her mutated and zombified husband.
Why is Annette Birkin so high on this list? Because her husband is a fucking lunatic and she did nothing about it.
William Birkin was obsessed with creating a new strain of the T-virus called the G-virus. He was gonna use the virus to screw over the Umbrella corporation. Instead Umbrella shot the hell outta him, so he used the G-virus on himself to heal and transform into a grotesque beast. He also emplanted G-virus embyros in his daughter, Sherry, which was another terrible idea.
While all this was going on Annette knew William was losing his marbles, but she was obsessed with the research too. She did nothing until the very end because she cared more about a virus than her own daughter.
2.) Queen Brahne
Queen Brahne from Final Fantasy IX on the original Playstation is similar to Sindel, Queen Zeal, and the Queen in Ico combined. She used to be a kind ruler until her husband passed away and an evil stranger known as Kuja started filling her head with greed.
Queen Brahne is a fat elephant-like woman who has a certain fondness for gaudy extravagent dresses and way too much makeup. She is also obsessed with power. Queen Brahne has an adopted daughter with the ability to summon eidolons or summons. She had her minions extract the eidolons out of her daughter, Garnet, then ordered Garnet to be executed.
Garnet escapes, but now Brahne is using her ability to summon these eidolons of rediculous power to destroy two cities and is now attempting to take over the world.
She’s not brainwashed, or under the spell of some greater evil. She’s just a horrible mother.
1.) Dahlia Gillespie
Hey! You know everything horrible that has happened in the Silent Hill franchise and the town itself? You can blame almost everything on Dahlia Gillespie. Dahlia is a cult leader, worshipper of a dark god, and an abusive mother to Alessa. I’m going to get into serious series spoilers from here on out, so you’ve been warned.
Dahlia is obsessed with her cult and her dark god. When her daughter Alessa was young, Alessa had telekinetic abilites and accidentally summoned spirits and poltergeists when she was a young child. Dahlia wanted to have Alessa “birth” the dark god so they had a cult ritual. Unfortunately, shit went real bad and the house Alessa was in caught on fire. Alessa trapped in the house would have burned to death if she did not use her powers to save herself, but she was still horribly disfigured.
After all that Dahlia wasn’t done. Alessa was kept by the cult and constantly tortured so her powers would grow. While being held captive, Dahlia still wanted Alessa to “birth” the dark god even though Alessa outright refused.
Then the events of Silent Hill happened, and all the demons and dark creatures and death can all be traced back to Dahlia being a horrible mother.
To top it all off, Dahlia has a connection to Walter Sullivan from the damn Silent Hill 4: The Room. The worst horror game I have ever played.
It’s one thing to be crazy enough to kill your daughter, or order her execution… but Dahlia tortured her daughter for years and subsequently caused death and misery all around her. She is the worst mother in gaming.
Wow! That was a bit dark and depressing wasn’t it. I’m really sorry my triumphant return has been tainted by talks about murder, suicide, cults, and demons but what can you expect from a Mother’s Day inspired list.
As I mentioned before, work slowed down a ton! I’ll be back on a normal two week schedule for at least the entire summer, and hopefully longer. It feels great to be back guys, thanks for being so understanding!