Welcome g1s to the second edition of Rosetta Sam. Rosetta Sam is YOUR comprehensive guide to learning how to speak just like Sam, or just understand him. I am no expert in the language of Sam, as I do not have the necessary amount of swag, but I can at least assist you to understand this linguistics genius.


Mario Party 2 After Dark

I'll watch you jingle your ass to hell... heavy-pocketed bitch.”

  • The coins jingling in your pocket leads me to deduce you have a vast amount of wealth. I will see to your downfall.


Fucking dinosaurs don't know nothing about communism man.”

  • As dinosaurs were not alive during the reign of Communism, they are not privy to the social and political constructs of that particular ideology.


Fucking... refracted light and shit.”

  • Fucking rainbows.



  • Jared


Structure your insults kid.”

  • If you have the testicular fortitude to insult me, make sure your grammar, syntax, and semantics are on par with mine, you ignorant whippersnapper.


Mario Party 3 After Dark

If your ego is large enough to reach your mouth, you'd do it too.”

  • This is a metaphor comparing your ego, to your dick... and the truth that all men want to auto-fellate themselves.


I've been lucky charming all over the place.”

  • I've just used the lucky charm item in Mario Party 3 to make Jared lose all of his wealth. Fuck the 1%.


Mario Party 4 After Dark

Fucking Sared up in this bitch, winning all this shit.”

  • While we may check our friendship at the door, my temporary alliance with Jared has led to my victory.


I love Woodyman.”

  • I love Woodyman



  • I'm playing Mario Party with some people who are quite impatient.


We're like the only two urrrban people...”

  • I'm surrounded by honkeys.



  • Purple


Mario Party 5 After Dark

Bitch, bitch, moan, let's gamble.”

  • My dearest friend Chad, has a tendency to complain when playing Mario Party, then he spends his hard earned coins on games of chance.


Your friendship is ova there, at the door.”

  • Bryan, you are too kind to play Mario Party After Dark. You relationships with your friends do not exist here.


Sam? How Much is Shirt? - Deal of the Week

Buy mah shirts, cause I need ta buy my puppeh new Christmas presents. Look at him he's adorable and needs a squeaky toy!”

  • As the director of merchandise for ScrewAttack, the well-being of my newly acquired dog depends on your willingness to purchase an article of clothing. Please, purchase a shirt so that my cute dog can enjoy a toy.


Post-SGC Disorder | The Clip | ScrewAttack!

You see my win? I win dat Mario Party! That's right. You drink? You wanna drink wit me? FUCK YOU! Learn to drink.”

  • I won Mario Party at SGC. Did you see that!? My victory deserves a celebration with alcoholic beverages. Partake with me!


Donkey Kong Country - Throwback Thursday (Sam & Shaun)

That was the one that mashed your butt so much.”

  • That jump is quite difficult.


Jizump 'im”

  • Jump over him.


Keep shi' cool, he's comin aroun”

  • Calm your tits, there is a crocodile coming.


(I actually have no idea what Sam is saying at THIS timestamp. I do not believe any of the sounds he is uttering can be effectively put down on paper. I can however translate it.)

  • Watch out for crocodiles... the Riverman is telling you where to go... or something.


Having Shit

Because havin shit that other muthafuckas don't have, makes you feel better about yourself.”



Drunk Sam & SNES Multiplayer Games | Screwin' Around | ScrewAttack!

I'm like the biggest proponent of drinking and driving in the world.”

  • I'm like the biggest opponent of drinking and driving in the world.


How far ahead of you or me?”

  • How much further in the Mario Kart course is Nick, than me?



  • Ben is very good.


I'm the Freudian Phallus, get ova hyuh!”

  • The Blob in Clayfighter looks like a giant dick!


I am the watah, I AM IT!”

  • Water shapes its course according to the nature of the ground over which it flows; the soldier works out his victory in relation to the foe whom he is facing.


With this blog, you are now proficient enough in Sam to do your own translation blogs. Go out into the world and create your own Rosetta Sam blogs.